Some days I'll spend hours online browsing around my friend's blogs. I use to mostly browse the blogs of people I know, and read their posts about their growing families, their vacations, their love for being at home with their kids, their excitement over their new homes. At first my eyes would be wide and oogly. I enjoyed reading about the lives of first time moms, the joys of being a mother and I'd sigh staring at the adorable family portraits page after page. By the end of my browsing my eyes were full of tears and my onlooking husband would be asking what in the world I had seen online that could be that devastating. I'd be practically depressed the rest of the day, sobbing through my jealousy, all the while being even more angry with myself for being so upset when I'm so blessed.
My husband noticed a pattern. Whenever I'd read my friend's blogs I'd find a reason to be in a crappy mood the rest of the day. He told me to stop. Either stop being envious or stop reading the things that would conjure up those feelings.
I know it wasn't my friends' fault. It was my stupid fault for CHOOSING to be jealous. But I can't help but wonder if the "Keeping up with the Joneses" mentality is stronger these days since people's lives are so readily accessible. Back in the day you only heard about things to be jealous of when you talked to the person themselves, or heard it through gossip... Which then you can only half believe. Nowadays you can hear everyone's good news and braggings through Facebook updates, blog postings, Myspace emails (do people still use that?) PLUS everyday chit chat.
As my blog became my escape from life and my personal online column I'd pour my heart into, I searched out to find others who shared the same hobby. As I discovered other blogs I developed Blog Envy. I'd get envious of people having more subscribers. Envious of people who have more hits than me, who have more comments, cool companies sponsoring giveaways, more visibility. Hearing that Dooce makes $40K a month from her blog made me a little jealous.
But as time has gone on I've learned how to control my emotions better but every now and then I still find a way to compare myself. Whether it be a job promotion I read about on Facebook that I wish I had or financial support from relatives, sometimes the sting of jealousy seeps through for a few moments, but they usually don't linger.
I'm not sure how but somehow, somewhere I began to really just let it go, appreciate my blessings and be happy for my friend's happiness. Besides, we don't always know what's going on behind the scenes.
I don't have a big house. We're not a single income family (yet), I have to work, one of our cars has over 160K miles and no AC, our parents can't afford to give us handouts, and after 5 years of marriage we aren't as far along as some of our friends who have been married half the time.
BUT... I have a cute, well behaved dog, a husband who contributes domestically in ways I never could, faith in God, and more blessings than I can count. I know I've been put here and now and given my circumstances for a reason and I know I'm in no position to complain at all. It's easy to compare myself to people who have more than I but I know that we are TRULY blessed and I have no room to be upset.
Your blog may have made me jealous at some point, but I'm over my immaturity now, I'm happy for you, and I'm grateful for my challenges as well as my blessings. I'm way too blessed to be stressed, and when it comes down to it, the greatest wealth in my life is my family and our faith, and nothing can take that away.
Have you every been bitten by the blog envy bug?
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