The Urge

Why am I even contemplating creating spawn? I'm asking myself the same question. About two and a half years ago I worked at a credit union in Utah County. I worked with several other women who were a year or two older than me. I only worked there for a month, but just about everyday we'd get into a conversation about having kids. They pretty much wanted to get pregnant right then and there. I, on the other hand couldn't understand why. I couldn't wrap my brain around the idea of having a child at 22 or 23. It just seemed so young to me. I didn't want to hear the excuse "when you get older complications... blah blah blah" cause we all know the serious risk isn't until you're in your mid 30s. I know marriage can get... Mundane if you let it, after a few years. I've been married four years (on Tuesday!) and while we have a lot of fun together I can imagine it being more fun and entertaining with a little one.

Now when I stop and really think about why I want to have a kid relatively soon (2010, I'll be 25) I can only think of a few honest reasons:
1. It's going to be dang cute... I try not to say this too much cause I'm afraid I'll jinx myself into a weird-looking baby. But seriously, I can't wait to see what a little mini-us looks like. It's exciting.
2. No more boring life. Sometimes I'm mad cause I wish my car could be a transformer or my husband was a vampire... You know, the cool stuff. I easily get bored if I don't have a lot of things on my plate... Have a baby... problem solved!

3. Everyone else is doing it! (Aka: I'm jealous)

Sounds like the best reasons to have a kid right?

Aren't I suppose to feel like "I want to learn what it's like to sacrifice" "I want to learn patience" "I am excited to take care of another soul" "I'm ready to say goodbye to the life of a young free flying bird that goes wherever she pleases only worrying about my adjacent soulmate"? I'm not sure I'm--No, wait... I KNOW I'm not ready for any of that. But I've still got the urge!

It's like I'm hypnotized! I asked my husband for a blessing so I wouldn't be hypnotized anymore and he just laughed at me!

On the other hand, when I do the math and calculate that having a child at 27 would be a great wonderful age, but another 4 years seems like so long! What the heck am I going to do with myself for another 4 years? I love my husband but heck... I may get bored! I guess I can work on advancing more in my career, but do you even understand how hard it is seeing all of your friends having cute little kids and posting cute little stories and stuff? On one hand I want that too, but on the other hand, I think "I WILL have that too, just not now, and when I do, their kids will be bratty teenagers." But really, that's just to make myself feel better.

Why now? What is it that makes me want a kid so soon? And how in the world do I keep myself from jumping on the bandwagon?

Last week one of my dear friends called me asking the same questions so we talked about "the urge." Talking things through with her made me think I should take my own advice: Make personal goals to achieve before having kids, make plans to do things as a couple, maybe things you couldn't do with kids. Basically keep busy, and enjoy the time without kids because this is the one and ONLY ever time you have with just you and your spouse. Really, it's the ONLY time you'll have that... EVER (without having to worry about babbysitters and what not). Consider yourself special, because you have what many married couples don't... being childfree. And once you start you can't go back, ever ever ever EVER!

The thing that helps me the most is really realizing that and really trying to enjoy this young married couple time we have now, and living it to the fullest. I hope that works.

Any other tips?