The New Feelings

I've been feeling sick the past few days. I took the day off today, because though I could get out of bed I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I could hardly move. I got back in bed and woke up again a few hours later. I thought I'd feel rejuvenated enough to accomplish something--Anything, but I couldn't. I called the doctor to ask about some things... I'm not dying, that's a good thing--I think. My body is readjusting to it's "normal" state... Or something like that. But in the process I feel like crap. I'm not hungry and all I want to do is lay around. It was exhausting just surfing the web for a few moments.

Anyway, as of today I have absolutely no desire to have a child anymore. Well, not any time soon at least. I know my husband could use my help with finishing school, I could save more, and quite frankly I don't feel like I need anymore stress in my life right now. In my head I had a picture perfect scenario mapped out, and I can see now it's not going to work out that way. So for now, I'm dropping it.

I am in a bad mood, so that could be influencing my thinking... But at this very moment if my husband came to me and said we should have a baby, I would have to say "No."

I'm planning on not planning for awhile... Maybe not until next year.

...And down the roller coaster goes again.

PS: I contemplated turning the comments off of this post, and my last because they're so personal, and hard to express. But every time I leave them on at least a few comments touch my heart and bring me EXACTLY what I need to hear at that time. So I'll continue to leave them on--But on today's post I'll add a special request for non-negativity/kindness because I'm very on-edge.