The Shocking News

I had a dream the other night about a friend of mine... A friend at work being pregnant. I told her a few days later about my dream, about how real it felt and how sure I was that she could have been pregnant. We talk about kids, babies a lot. Our baby itch, and urges. I was sure that's why I was having the dream. For kicks and giggles we looked up the meaning for dreaming about friends being pregnant and couldn't find any. A few days later I think I found the meaning...

Another friend of mine...One of my closest, best friends told me she's pregnant. My dream was the same day she found out. She also swore me to secrecy. She's only told another mutual friend and her husband the news, and she's terrified. I couldn't believe it, but the first emotion that surged through my body was jealousy. The second, only a millisecond later was extreme excitement. I couldn't believe it. But really... She was one of the last people I thought I'd cross off my "cool list." I really thought I'd have a child before her so this is probably some of the biggest news I've heard in a long time.

She's married. We've hung out together as couples and done things in the past. She and I have talked a little about kids... We both have a lot in common and waiting to have kids is/was a common denominator.

She told me how this came as a surprise to her. She missed a week of birth control, awaiting a new pack. Then went back on, but didn't use another form of BC during the first week back on it. She thought they'd be fine but apparently she's pretty fertile.

I'm so excited for her, and I am also spontaneously turning into an emotional wreck. She told me while I was at work, and an hour or two later it just hit me. It was so bad, I choked up while I was anchoring! No seriously, I was struggling through one of my scripts and had a hard time pulling it together. Luckily I was talking about death and fires so it sort of fit, but I had to get a grip before the cheery Valentines stuff.

I've already taken the roll of being her never-been-pregnant not-even-a-mom advisor. I'm practically planning her baby shower already! I'm really excited for her. She told me she doesn't know anyone her age with kids and I told her she should come to my church ;o) (If you're LDS you know what I mean).

She also said she's really nervous about providing for her child, continuing her career, gaining weight... A lot of things I've mentioned here. And while she told me she wished she had been thinking about the same things I've been thinking of the past year I just sat, listening, and wishing I was in her shoes. Yea, it'll be hard, it'll be a struggle, and you weren't expecting it. But it happened! What are you going to do? All you can do is be happy now!

I think I'm emotional because I'm shocked... I didn't expect it. And because we are SO much alike--Knowing she's having a child now makes me think I could do it. I think I'm jealous because getting pregnant unexpectedly takes so much pressure off. You just have to go with it. I think I'm a little pissed too... No wait, I think that's just the jealousy talking.

What has gotten into me?! Am I actaully saying I want one because she's having one? Seriously? WTF? I think it's more that that but I can't explain it. Can anyone explain this emotion? If I want a freakin' baby I can have a freakin' baby, so why am I jealous someone else, one of my best friends beat me to it?

So I just thought I'd journal about this extreme turn of events that's left me shocked, and feeling a hint of whiplash from my change in desires and decisions.

And seriously, if one more person tells me they're pregnant right now, I think I may punch them something...

Just kidding.

...Sortof. I may just scream and cry in my pillow.