The Stress

I have a sick feeling in my stomach... And NO, it's not that. I'm not feeling my normal, chipper, optimistic self. It's like I'm at a crossroads, but there's like 12 different ways I could go... And my head feels like it could EXPLODE if I think of them all. Career, family, life... Everything is spinning.

I hate being a girl... That's what I blame my emotional swings on... The fact that I'm a woman. I swear today I woke up in the WORST mood. Then I eventually got better and got over whatever was making me mad. I was really happy, then I got mad again. Hormones--I hate you! go away! ...And take Aunt Flow with you!

I just feel so confused right now. I don't understand how I can have so much of my life "planned" and in order but still feel so completely all over the place! I hate it!

I feel like the things that define me now... Aren't exactly how I want to be defined. I use to be so ambitious and want to conquer... Everything and lately I'm feeling contempt, and kind of boring... Or the things I do want to achieve I don't feel like I can. But I don't want to be boring. I hate boring!

I'm usually the kind of woman that sees the glass half-full, I'm optimistic, and feel like it CAN be done... But right now I feel like I can't do ANYTHING. I can't achieve my goals... I can't make new ones, I can't get anything done, and I feel like I'm in over my head with the simplest of tasks... And I don't even have to take care of anyone but myself...

A year ago if you asked me where I wanted to be a year from then I would have said working in a bigger city and making more money. Last week I would have said I wanted to start [expanding] our family... Today, I'm just not sure. I HATE going back and forth, I feel silly, but I feel like I shouldn't be so confused.

I don't get it. I feel like I've been doing better on the spiritual side of things, and now this? My only guess is that the Adversary wants to work harder to bring me down. I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, but sometimes I think He pushes my limits.

A really hot guy once told me "You're too blessed to be stressed" and I try to remember that... But it's not always easy.

I wish I could be one of those people who just lives life as it goes, seeing where life takes them, not worrying about where they land. I'm kind of too much of a control freak. I like to know what's going on, where I'll be next week, next month, next year. And I like to plan accordingly.

I hate encountering this side of myself, it makes me feel pathetic.

Reading the Scriptures like it's Twilight

Why is it that I can pick up a fiction novel and fly through it in a day but every time I touch my scriptures I'm satisfied with getting through a few versus? A few chapters and I feel like a champ.

This year one of my goals is to really FEAST on the words of Christ. I'm going pretty good so far. Well, sorta.

Good news is I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't read my leisure books until I read the scriptures. Bad news is I haven't been rewarded with my "fun book" yet. Which right now is the Percy Jackson and the Olympian series--Book three.

Good news is I've read The Good Book every night this week. Bad news is I haven't gotten through a full chapter before falling asleep.

My husband and I read all of the children's series with Lil' J last year and this year I'd like to start her on the real deal. Not sure where to begin but I guess it doesn't hurt to start with Genesis 1.I know she won't understand it but if we keep reading every night, eventually she'll start picking things up.

Family and personal study. Whew!! You know, I can't help but feel like if I had an iPad I'd be so much better at this. I could digitally highlight my favorite versus, read with the lights out, have them with me all the time... Hmmm.

It didn't used to be this hard for me. I think it's partly because now I have a billion things going on, it's harder for me to slow down and focus on something that's normally last on my to-do list.

Back when I was a good person, I would read the scriptures by searching for specific topics or stories in the index that I was interested in. I felt I learned more studying that way. Starting from the beginning can seem overwhelming. I'm not sure how specific I want to make this goal yet but I think if I'm reading something, anything, each night, I'll eventually get into a groove I like, so it doesn't feel like a chore.

Jeez Louise, this sounds horrible. But hey, at least I'm trying.


Do you have any kind of guides or helpful tips you follow to read the scriptures personally or with your family?