The Perfect Age to Have a Baby

Ok ok, obviously the time is different for everyone and from what I've hear you're never really "ready," but for the sake of my blog, humor me a little while I compare and contrast.

As of now I'm thinking I'll be in my 20s when I have my first child, but that has fluctuated over my four years of marriage. I have no intentions of being in my 40s but early 30s could be a possibility. Here are some interesting tidbits I learned from a very long article.

20s

-"Physically, the 20s are the ideal time for pregnancy," doctors say. Because your body is primed to handle the demands of carrying a baby.
-You're less likely to have pregnancy complications or babies with Down Syndrome.
-You can also grow up with your child (I'm personally not a fan of that idea, I can't imagine having a teenager before I'm 40... SCARY!!!
-Mentally: A lot of my (non-LDS) friends won't have kids yet, and I may have to put my career/advanced education on hold for awhile.
-Also, still relatively new in a marriage, we'd have to make sure we plan more time for each other.

Stories:

Carla (was 21)-The down side: Being a young mom means that it's hard not to be selfish about my time. I used to sleep in, read, or watch TV whenever I wanted and go out with friends any night I pleased. All these freedoms go away when you're a parent.

The good side: Bouncing back after pregnancies is easier when you're younger. I've gotten down to my starting weight after each one. Two weeks after I had Aliza I was in a bridesmaid dress.

I'm happy that my kids have young grandparents -- they're all in their 50s -- and seven great-grandparents. I'm always calling my mom and mother-in-law for advice

Samantha (was 25)- My career had been important to me -- I was just starting out and was very ambitious. But during my maternity leave, I realized that motherhood was what life was about for me right now.

My friends hadn't had kids yet. Some of my closest mom friends are women in their 30s and 40s whom I met in the neighborhood or at playgroups. They were eager to take me under their wing and share their wisdom.

There are times when Chris and I hear about all the wild things our single friends are doing and we're envious. But then something magical happens at home with our boys and we're reminded that we have such a full life to be thankful for.

30s

-At higher risk of developing certain complications. But the majority of healthy women still have uneventful pregnancies at this age. At age 35 there's 1/200 chance of having a child with Down Syndrome.
-More likely to have a C-section
-Mentally: I've had time for myself and my marriage, and I've accomplished some professional goals. This could give peace of mind if wanting to take a break to spend time with spawn.
-It'll be easier to find a support group of pregnant friends and get advice.

Stories:

Carol (was 30)- Good side: Financial stability -- we own our own apartment now, and we've got some money saved for Emily's education. It also meant that Emily doesn't have to compete with my career. I put so much time and energy into my job in my 20s that I felt like I was able to step back a little once I had her. I found a new position within the company that allows me to work at home sometimes, so I can spend more time with her.

Because we waited to have kids, our parents are all retired or about to retire, which means I get a lot of help! My parents-in-law watch Emily every day while I'm at work.

(apparently she had no down sides)

Erica (was 36)- I'm glad that I had time to be spontaneous, go out with friends, and travel before having kids -- it's a lot harder to get out of the house and do things when you have a baby. And I feel like I'm a better person for having had the experiences I did before having Lena. I just hope that she'll feel the same way and that she'll keep me young.

40s

-Having a baby in your 40s is common these days, and the majority of older mothers have totally normal pregnancies. Still, the risk of complications rises after age 40.
-This is crazy: If you're physically fit, eat well, and don't have preexisting health conditions such as diabetes or hypertension, your overall risk of other pregnancy complications isn't markedly higher than that of a woman in her 20s or 30s.
-The self-confidence and perspective you've picked up in your life may make you more patient in dealing with a demanding newborn.

Story:

Andrea (was 44)-Down sides: My friends' children are now in college, so I'm completely out of sync! They went through all the sleepless nights and playdates and pediatrician appointments years ago -- and I'm just starting. I honestly don't feel my age at all, but I realize that as I get older it's going to become more challenging.

I thought being older would mean that I'd be more prepared for motherhood. I was centered, had traveled extensively, had eaten in all the best restaurants, and had bought all the clothes I wanted. But honestly, the experience of the two of them brings me to my knees. I wouldn't have been more prepared at 144.

As of now I'm saying the perfect age is..... (Drumroll please)...... 30!! Not in 30s but 30. That'll give me another 7 years to get where I want to be in my career, hopefully have a Master's Degree, and I'll have been married for *gasp* 12 years!! -Do I think that'll happen? No, but as of today,that's my story and I'm sticking to it. (Ask me again tomorrow).

I'd love to hear your stories!! I'd love to see personal examples from people in 20s 30s and 40s! (Or opinions of why you'd prefer one over another).

-Also, if you'd like to read more about pregnancy in each age group here's a few more articles.

The Best Age to Have a Baby Pt.2

Since my first post I've been getting more interesting stories... here's one:

Danielle (was 29): I waited that long because (first off I wasn’t married until I was 24) I wanted to get my degree, have a career, travel, etc w/o having to worry about and take care of kids. Plus I thought it was best for my husband and I to have US time before having kids. We love our daughter but even now I think we could have waited longer. I wasn’t in a rush and I’m not in a rush to have another but someday would like a second child. It just felt like the right time when we did have her. And it was planned. Got off the pill for a couple months and then whamo bammo. Pregnant.
The reason why I say we could have waited longer is because my husband and I both liked our jobs. We enjoyed the work and enjoyed the money we made. We knew once we had kids that I would either not work at all or I would stay home. I now work part time and had to switch job paths because of that and the money is decent but we’re nowhere near what I was making. So we’ve had to make some changes in our money spending and saving. It’s not bad, just very different. Went from buying what I wanted when I wanted because I knew had the money to logging into my account to see how much I have in case I wanted to get something. Blessing in disguise, I guess. It’s taught me more about budgeting and should something happen down the road we’re better off because of this experience that I know we’d be okay.
Ups - everything - even the bad stuff is an up because I get to experience it
Downs - at times it’s stressful, I’m sleep deprived, feel like I’m constantly doing something, underappreciated, takes a lot more time/money to travel, can’t pee without an audience, need a break once in a while Anything else?

The Urge

Why am I even contemplating creating spawn? I'm asking myself the same question. About two and a half years ago I worked at a credit union in Utah County. I worked with several other women who were a year or two older than me. I only worked there for a month, but just about everyday we'd get into a conversation about having kids. They pretty much wanted to get pregnant right then and there. I, on the other hand couldn't understand why. I couldn't wrap my brain around the idea of having a child at 22 or 23. It just seemed so young to me. I didn't want to hear the excuse "when you get older complications... blah blah blah" cause we all know the serious risk isn't until you're in your mid 30s. I know marriage can get... Mundane if you let it, after a few years. I've been married four years (on Tuesday!) and while we have a lot of fun together I can imagine it being more fun and entertaining with a little one.

Now when I stop and really think about why I want to have a kid relatively soon (2010, I'll be 25) I can only think of a few honest reasons:
1. It's going to be dang cute... I try not to say this too much cause I'm afraid I'll jinx myself into a weird-looking baby. But seriously, I can't wait to see what a little mini-us looks like. It's exciting.
2. No more boring life. Sometimes I'm mad cause I wish my car could be a transformer or my husband was a vampire... You know, the cool stuff. I easily get bored if I don't have a lot of things on my plate... Have a baby... problem solved!

3. Everyone else is doing it! (Aka: I'm jealous)

Sounds like the best reasons to have a kid right?

Aren't I suppose to feel like "I want to learn what it's like to sacrifice" "I want to learn patience" "I am excited to take care of another soul" "I'm ready to say goodbye to the life of a young free flying bird that goes wherever she pleases only worrying about my adjacent soulmate"? I'm not sure I'm--No, wait... I KNOW I'm not ready for any of that. But I've still got the urge!

It's like I'm hypnotized! I asked my husband for a blessing so I wouldn't be hypnotized anymore and he just laughed at me!

On the other hand, when I do the math and calculate that having a child at 27 would be a great wonderful age, but another 4 years seems like so long! What the heck am I going to do with myself for another 4 years? I love my husband but heck... I may get bored! I guess I can work on advancing more in my career, but do you even understand how hard it is seeing all of your friends having cute little kids and posting cute little stories and stuff? On one hand I want that too, but on the other hand, I think "I WILL have that too, just not now, and when I do, their kids will be bratty teenagers." But really, that's just to make myself feel better.

Why now? What is it that makes me want a kid so soon? And how in the world do I keep myself from jumping on the bandwagon?

Last week one of my dear friends called me asking the same questions so we talked about "the urge." Talking things through with her made me think I should take my own advice: Make personal goals to achieve before having kids, make plans to do things as a couple, maybe things you couldn't do with kids. Basically keep busy, and enjoy the time without kids because this is the one and ONLY ever time you have with just you and your spouse. Really, it's the ONLY time you'll have that... EVER (without having to worry about babbysitters and what not). Consider yourself special, because you have what many married couples don't... being childfree. And once you start you can't go back, ever ever ever EVER!

The thing that helps me the most is really realizing that and really trying to enjoy this young married couple time we have now, and living it to the fullest. I hope that works.

Any other tips?

The Namesake

What would you do if there was someone in your family you loved dearly who wanted you to name your child after them? If the name is a nice name, or a name that's "with the times" that's probably not a problem right? But what if the name is something you absolutely are not a fan of?

My family has a mixture of "normal" and "unique" names. There's Johns, and Richards and... well, that's about all of the common ones in my extended family. I have grandparents named "Ronald" and "Siebra." My mother's and grandmother's names are "Joy." My mom I guess wanted to give all of me and all of my siblings the VERY NORMAL (almost too common) names and gave us: Jennifer, Heather, Michael, Lauren and Kimberly. But trust me, I'd take that over any of the latter.

My dad goes by DJ but his birth name--Are you ready for this?... Dyke.

I love my grandpa, and I want to name a child after him, but "Ronald" isn't my first choice in names.

What would you do if someone in your family wanted you to name your child after them but the name wasn't... Let's say it wasn't one of your top choices. Would you still do it?

The Conflicted Messages

I haven't posted twice in a day for awhile but after reading a new blog friend's post about our religion I wanted to write my thoughts on one specific topic down as quickly as possible.

Ok... so I wasn't exactly the girl you'd expect would take the "LDS Marriage and Family" class but I was looking for an easy 'A' and thought 'what the heck?.' Yea, I was asking for it.

One of the lesson's was on "A Woman's Role." If you know me you'd be able to picture the expression on my face when I first heard this was the topic. If you don't know me just picture a me with an attitude saying somethin like "... Are you seriously about to start tellin' me about MY role?... I know you playin'... Stop playin'"

Normally I'm pretty much submissive and quiet in class until until someone says something stupid... Which is what occurred in this case.

So I was doing other homework during this class period and occasionally hearing things that I roll my eyes at, or chuckle about under my breath. But nothing really made me interested enough to make an argumentative comment. After all, the professor was reporting things church leaders have told us and I'm not about to argue with that. So we were closing the class period talking about women working... We all know everyone has different circumstances where a woman may have to, or choose to work. The professor said a woman shouldn't work just so they could have nicer things like cars, houses, etc... Ok, so I'm cool with him saying that, I mean... whateva... But tell me this one girl did not have the nerve to raise her hand and ask:

"So what should we tell a woman if she says she wants to work, because that's not what she should be doing. I mean, what's the best way to tell her she shouldn't be going that?"

I almost jumped up out my chair. But the Good Lord was holding me back. Good thing too cause I may have gotten kicked out of BYU! I mean... Who is she to tell someone what they should or shouldn't be doing? I'm not gonna lie, I was offended (and this was before the "don't be offended" talk s odon't give me crap for that either).

It made me even more upset when the professor and another girl responded after. I thought they were gonna have my back but no (course not)… They were saying something to the effect of "you should tell her to pray about it."

I'm sorry but unless you don't need to tell anyone what they should be praying about. ESPECIALLY when they didn't ask for your effin opinion. Man I tell ya, good thing the bell rang cause I was about to say somethin'. Oh but don't worry, you'd better believe that's the first thing I brought up Monday morning before we even start the next class discussion.

Basically I just told them some people need to learn to mind their own dang business. I was really doing that girl a favor. I didn't want that poor soul to go around thinkin' she can tell people what they should and shouldn't be doing and to pray about "their sins."

All I can say is she's lucky she's lucky she lives in Utah, cause if you try sayin' somethin' like that where I come from you may get hit... Mormon or not we don't play that down south!

Why act "holier than thou?" I'm sorry but you are not my guardian angel, you are not my prophet and you sure as hell aint my momma... And if you were still I wouldn't let you tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I am a grown 'A' woman.

That being said... Why is is that that is so prominent in LDS culture? Why do we feel the need to tell people how THEY should live their lives? I mean, it's one thing to offer a suggestion when asked (which since this blog, I personally ask for a lot) but it's a totally different thing to feel the need to tell someone what they're doing is wrong when they never asked your opinion!

Another conflict... in LDS culture many times we're told "Multiply and replenish the Earth" No questions asked, just "we're commanded to do it so do it!" Well, we're also (in instances like this story) told that women should be at home with the children.

I'd LOVE to be home with my kids, especially when their young. But I have no idea how that could be feasible in the situation I'm in right now. I'm the only one currently working full-time. I'm putting my husband through school and progressing in my career. I wouldn't say I'm "putting my career before children" but I am, in my opinion, being "smart" about it. Instead of quitting my job and only having breast milk to feed my kids while having an empty stomach myself so that I can be at home I'm waiting until we are financially able for me (or my husband) to be at home with our kids (although in the lesson previously stated we were told a woman is better at home than the man).

But then on the other hand we could have kids right now, and I could keep working, but then no one would be at home.

I have a feeling I'll be the woman who LIKES to work and would still need at least a part-time job to feel whole and complete, but I'll really cross that bridge when I get there.

The point of this post is the question "Which one do you choose?" For those who believe you should have kids right away... Is it better to just do it even if you have to put your kids in daycare? Or wait until you're in a situation that permits a parent to be at home?

The Economy is Effecting Pregnancy Plans

A friend of mine sent me a story from MSNBC and it really made me stop and think... I'm not alone.

The economy is taking a toll on everyone, and it's making people like myself think twice about "the right time" to expand our family. We've been hit hard this week with economy problems. I hate it but I really feel like it's putting a damper on my plans.

*note added 1/30 By "damper" and "hit hard" I mean we've recently gone from two incomes to one and I can't imagine going from hardly taking care of myself to taking care of a whole nother being... Not to mention the stress! BUT I if I get an impression that having a child is what I'm suppose to do right now, I imagine I'd be able to take that leap of faith.*

Here are some interesting parts of the article I found:

Birth rates do tend to drop in times of economic uncertainty. There was a dramatic decline in fertility rates following the Great Depression in the 1930s, when, for the first time in U.S. history, women went from having an average of three children the previous decade to two.

In each year after the country’s last four recessions, general fertility rates — calculated as the number of women of child-bearing age per thousand who gave birth — dipped slightly. For example, in the year following the 1973-1975 recession, fertility rates dropped from 68.8 in 1973 to 65 in 1976...

Without a doubt, in good economic times or bad, raising a child is an expensive proposition. According to “Expenditures on Children by Families,” an annual report put out by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, a middle-class family making more than $77,100 will spend nearly $300,000 raising a child from birth to age 17 — and that doesn’t even take into account college tuition or inflation.

And here's a story I found to be so interesting:

Michelle and Paul Anderson, two Seattle-based high-tech professionals, were delighted to learn they were pregnant with their first child earlier this year, until they both found themselves laid off from their jobs and paying out-of-pocket for health insurance.

Friends and relatives, cash-strapped themselves, haven’t been able to help with baby gifts as much as they anticipated. “Being pregnant makes this very stressful on both of us,” says Anderson. We have trouble sleeping and we worry all the time.”

I can't believe that!... But I can. Times are tough and it's scary/hard enough to bring a soul into this world, imagine not being able to support a family.

It makes sense to me... The correlation between the bad economy and lower birth rates. Would it change your plans? Some people say "What's one more mouth to feed?" And other's say "You'll never have enough money anyway." Regardless, tough times make for tough decisions when it comes to growing a family.

It's really going to take a giant leap of faith in order for me to take the plunge with times being the way they are now.

Let me know what you think vote in the poll on this topic and feel free to elaborate in a comment.

You can read the full article here.

The Feature!

Hello friends! Guess what? I am a featured reader over at La Dolce Vita! I'm so excited about this , I have a chance to win a cool prize! What prize-- You ask? Well I haven't decided yet but if I win I'm either going to get this:

Or this:

Kristen makes these cute little charms for her Etsy shop, and if I win I get one of these!

See, I like the first one because it pertains to my blog and this feature is kind of about my blog and I would always remember it's meaning cause ya know, I'd be winning it because of this blog. I could have it say something like "Future Mama" instead if I wanted since that's sorta my new "code name"... I dunno, I like Mom 2 Be. (Though I probably wouldn't wear it until I am expecting so I wouldn't scare my husband or confuse my friends).

The second one I like too cause it's TOTALLY us! Yep yep, I love my hubby more and more every day. Plus I won't feel like a complete psycho for having "wanna be mom" stuff when I'm not even pregnant... Not even close. Would you make fun of me? It's ok if your answer is yes... I'd probably make fun of me too if I saw myself wearing it. But it's cute and fitting too so I just don't know!

So I need your help. FIRST!! In order to win in the first place I have to get comments on my feature here. The more comments I get the more entries I get. So comeon y'all, help me to beat the odds!(*update* You can comment/vote once a day for 7 days)

SECOND...Let me know which one you like, haha! I'm up against four other featured people and if I win I get one of those necklaces but I need your help to choose which one, I like them both equally!!

Thanks again for all of your love! I really am learning so much from you all through your comments, and you truly crack me up! I thought I was funny... But no... Y'all are the great ones!

Oh, and just so you know... Mondays and Tuesdays are my "weekend" so that's when I get a chance to stalk your blogs back! Can't wait!

The Slogan

"Just do it" That's a phrase I've been hearing from some of my friends and new bloggy friends recently regarding my "up phase" toward parenting (well besides Thursday's post because I'm really not looking forward to lack of sleep).

To be honest I wish it were that easy. I wish I could just give in and say "ok here we go!" but it's not that simple. Lately I've been the one that's had the desire to sprout. There have been times when I've felt this way and told my husband, then the next day I've changed my mind and I'm swearing it's going to be another decade. He's pretty much immune to my constant reconsideration's and indecisiveness. There's been times where it's come down to "ok now?" and I've chickened out. Now I'm just trying not to be a tease--Not imply anything unless I'm serious. --I'm finding this extremely challenging. I'm turning into the boy who calls wolf... No, I think I already am. Now how do I get myself out of this predicament. Or a better question: How am I sure I won't just chicken out again?

Of course the decision isn't all mine, however I'm just blogging about my side of the decision. I can't speak for hubby here but I do know he'd prefer to be done with school and know what he's going to do for a living. He's also not buying my "up phases" right now. It must seem like I can't be serious if I've been "serious" before but not really. I don't think I'm going to bring it up anymore... Ok, but it's so hard! I can't help it, I mean look at this blog for heaven's sake!

Part of me really wants to see how far I can go before I have children. I'm only 23! And a kid is kind of permanent, I mean, it's not like I can send it back to the pound! I honestly worry if I do it now I'll regret it. But at the same time, what the heck is keeping me? It use to be the picture of a shiny new Lexus but now that I know that's never going to happen...

Then another side of me really just feels READY. 100%, without a doubt, ready. I don't know why, it's not how I imagined things to be. It just feels right. And when I stop and think about it the only thing holding me, personally, back is things I want... Yea, it's selfish, but this is the last periof of my life where I'm allowed to be selfish so why not? I also feel a little bored sometimes... Wouldn't spawn spice things up?

Did I mention I have a countdown? Ok, I don't really, but that's a good idea, I may start one now. A countdown for TTC time?... Eeew, I don't like the way that sounds. I'll have to think of a better phrase than that. Maybe: "A Baby Makin' countdown." That's more like it!... Though a little more direct and informal it flows of the tongue better. I wonder if some baby counter site has a countdown with a picture of a sperm swimming closer and closer to the egg, that's what I need now! Hmmm. But we'll see. No rush right? Besides, have you seen my baby bucket list lately? I'm slacking. And I've still got 2-years worth of birth control stuck up in my uterus.

But my question today is... Is it selfish to have a child before you're able to give it a stable home? For instance, if maybe one parent isn't quite done with school, or has no clue what they want to do for a living. Or if you're getting by fine now but you know in a few years things could be a lot better/easier/stable. Is it better to have all of that situated first, even if you REALLY want a kid? Hmmm.

The Choice

Which would you choose?

Of course in a "perfect world" (stereotypical perfect world in my opinion) a woman would stay home, be a great mom, and wife, take care of the children, and the father would work, and provide for the family. Well that's not a reality for most families today. It's not. Apparently around 75% of families in the United States are dual-income families, or both parents work. that's very eye opening... Especially since I feel like most of the women reading my blog are stay at home moms.

Now I'm going to stir the pot a little, I'm beginning to go back to my old liberal thoughts a little when it comes to some "expectations" for family child-rearing practices (especially when it comes to LDS families).

This is a quote I often here when relating to "The Timing" of having children:

President Kimball said, “It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so” (Ensign, May 1979, p. 6). When married couples postpone childbearing until after they have satisfied their material goals, the mere passage of time assures that they seriously reduce their potential to participate in furthering our Heavenly Father’s plan for all of his spirit children. Faithful Latter-day Saints cannot afford to look upon children as an interference with what the world calls “self-fulfillment.” Our covenants with God and the ultimate purpose of life are tied up in those little ones who reach for our time, our love, and our sacrifices.

It's hard to admit this out loud, but reading stuff like this often pushes me in the opposite direction of the way they're trying to lead. It's not that I'm rebellious, it's that I can't help but feel that it's either 1. Out of context or 2. Not meant for everyone.

When I read “It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so” the key words to me are "able to do so"... Able to me means ready... In many ways.

Some would see this and think it means "Get to it! What are you waiting for?" But that can't possibly be the case in every scenario. That can't possibly mean, "if you don't have any money have faith and we'll give you welfare of all else fails." I don't know... Maybe it does, and maybe I'm an evil person for saying this but that just seems irresponsible to me.

This may sound like a previous post I had, but if you bear with me, I'm trying to be more specific.

When you compare this with other doctrine it seems even more challenging. In other scripture like The Family Proclamation it says things like "...Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." I'm sure leaders of the LDS church know there's not a cookie cutter situation for every family (at least I hope so) and that these are GREAT guidelines, but I can't believe that this is really what it expected of everyone. Especially not if you put both quotes together. Sometimes (like in my case) one wouldn't be possible if the other is necessary.

I can't help but feel a little envious of women who are at home with their children while their husbands make all of the money. Hey... Most of America doesn't had that privilege. But I think it's a little much to expect that of everyone. What if the husband can't make enough to support a family but the wife can? Should you "wait" until he can? But then you're breaking "rule #1". Or should the dad stay at home while the wife works... But you break "rule #2"?

It seems that in some--No, a lot of cases you have to choose one or the other. An even bigger extreme: What if you're both unemployed? Have a kid anyway?

Am I alone here? Am I reading too much into this? I believe in faith and miracles but I also, agree with Cynthia when she says ultimately we live with our choices and I try not to "check my brain at the door."

I really do welcome all of your opinions so please, don't let my crazy rant scare you off, even if you're not with me on this.

The Discombobulation

I have a million topics and ideas flowing through my mind for my blog but none of them seem like the right thing to write about right now. I feel like I need to document my progress at the task at hand and let this be my night's notion.

Ok first off... Mission sort of successful with not talking about babies as much. My friends at work keep flaunting their adorable babies at me so I just can't help myself!! I just cave... But I don't say anything about ME having babies per-say, I just talk about how cute their babies are. I'm being good about not threatening to steal them anymore. I think that made people think I was crazy. I do take part in baby topics and interesting things I'm learning form you all about birth and labor and babies and random facts I had no idea about (I feel another "things they don't tell you" post coming on). All of a sudden I had been deemed the "obsession girl," I corrected them though, and we settled for the term "intrigued." I'm intrigued by all things baby right now. Plus, there's another girl I work with who I think I've converted to wanting a kid, and she's kind of starting to take my spot as the "obsessed one"--Mission nearly accomplished. Although I'm not the one who is pregnant or has a baby I'm finding myself always in the middle of conversations about random labor/pregnancy/ pre-pregnancy facts ie: Eating your placenta is good for you. Interesting-- Yes. But will I or anyone I know do it--Umm, no, probably not. But it make for interesting conversation right? And who else would know that (or maybe just bring it up) but me? Although I've backed off from bringing the conversations up, I'm finding they're coming to me now... And get this... I'm even getting to watch this little cutie a couple days a week soon once his mommy goes back to work, thanks to my known love for kiddos. So I guess my "intriguedness" is paying off.

Anyway, another one of my friends announced her pregnancy this week. This one wasn't on my cool list... I actually haven't known her long enough to put her on it, so she was kicked off before even getting on *sigh.*

In other news, I've decided I'm going to get my IUD taken out next month. Have I mentioned that yet? I may have said that I was thinking about it, but now I'm thinking I'm going to. We're going to the doctor in a few weeks and I'm going to set an appointment then to get it taken out. This doesn't mean I'm turning the Baby Making Machine "ON" it just means I'm warming it up. I'm hoping by taking it out it'll give me time to get the hormones out of my system and track my... Ya know. They say you should be able to get pregnant right away once you get it taken out but I figure this will warm both of us up to the idea more, and put us a baby step closer to being ready. Some people have told me about a couple of books to get when you get to this stage. Remind me of them and a few more again! I will be stopping by yalls Amazon linky portal thingies!

I've been thinking a lot about that lately... Being ready that is. I've been feeling pretty rock steady about my feelings on the matter lately, but I'm also praying for patients and understanding. I've applied for a few jobs for my husband and he has an interview for one on Monday (aren't I awesome?) I feel like if he gets this job he'll feel a lot better about money and whatnot... But I'm also not setting myself up for disappointment. I'm trying to be understanding and realistic.

Do you remember Pres. Monson's talk last conference called "The Joy in the Journey"? That was part of the inspiration for this blog and I've been thinking about that talk a lot lately. He tells us to enjoy the messes on the floor when your kids are young because one day they'll be all grown up.. etc etc. Well I'm thinking the same way about life now. I don't want to spend all of my time worrying about "when" we're taking the next step. I'm really going to try to enjoy where we're at right now... Even if it's just enjoying the quiet alone time we have now to cuddle and watch movies together every night... We won't get much of that once we have kids. Enjoying the time we have picking up and going for a drive at a moments notice. Going on vacations. Out to a quiet dinner. Pigging out on junk food and staying up late talking about our future and goals we have. A lot of those things we'll still get to do, but not as freely. I really am going to try to focus on enjoying what we do have now, and where we are, rather than taking away from what we're experiencing NOW, because I'm too focused on the future.

Regardless of what happens in the near future, I'm so blessed to have what we have, and I'm SO excited for General Conference. I can't help but feel like I'll get it this time--Get something, we'll see.

The Rituals--For Gender Selection

A little while ago I posted about the best season to have a baby. Seems like people HATE being majorly pregnant in the summer months... But the upside is swimming. I am cold all the time so I feel like I'd like being pregnant in the wintertime and having a spring baby... So when does that mean I'll have to get knocked up? (Counting backwards on my fingers)... I think that means June or so... Around there. I know I want to try NOT to have a baby towards the end of the year cause like some people pointed out... Having a birthday near Christmas isn't so fun. Plus, my birthday is in January and Hubby's is in November... Our anniversary is in December, there's just too much going on that time of year. June seems sooo far though! And what if it doesn't work right, right away? Ugh! Decisions decisions.

Kayce also gave me a great website that seems to have a 77% accuracy rating for gender prediction. I looked it up and mapped out when my mom had all of us four girls... The system was correct! Same for some of my friends and their moms... So according to this calender if I conceive in June, August, or December I should have a girl (which is my first choice). June would be perfect cause then I should have her in April... Perfect, no? Spring baby!!

My friend also looked up some other stuff you can do to try to have a girl: Avoid salty foods, eat lots of dairy, mineral water and certain vegetables... Oh and my favorite: Put a wooden spoon under my bed and a pink ribbon under my pillow. Worth a try right?

Of course I don't mind what I have... We'll have more than one but it would be fun to try to choose before and see if that's what I end up with. Hubby wants a boy first so one of us will be happy. I know I'll be fine and happy either way though with a healthy happy baby. I wouldn't mind a mommy's boy.

Did you try any crazy techniques to choose the gender?

The Irony

It's taken me all night and every bit of strength to muster up the energy to write this post. The past week--Few weeks even, have taken me through a whirlwind of emotions. I went from wanting a baby badly, to being scared out of my wits, to visiting my GYN and removing the non-essential hormones from my body... To then again more fear and confusion, none the less excitement and desire.

...All the while I've been learning to cope with feelings of jealousy I have towards other women going through the same feelings of desire but experiencing different results.

Three close friends of mine had pregnancy scares this past week.. Two of which are my very best friends--Both are in exact opposite positions. One wants a child badly (but is experiencing the same husband struggles I am) and the other wants nothing to do with a baby right now--In fact, she told me she'd catch up to me on my second or third kid.

You may remember her... My best friend from this post. Yesterday we talked and she told me she was late. I told her to buy a test, call me the second she knew, and jokingly said she may even beat me in having the first kid.-- When I got the text message today that said "OMG. Well God certainly has a sense of humor," I thought she was kidding but I knew she wasn't.

Now here I am going through a whole new whirlwind of emotions. I'm SO happy for her but I wish I was in her place. I'm mad at myself for wanting to be in her place and for wanting to get pregnant RIGHT THIS SECOND because I feel like that would be irrational... Out of jealousy--Selfishness--"Keeping up with the Jones"... Whatever, but all WRONG!

...But then part of me feels like it's not wrong. I DO want a child I'm just trying to figure out a few things first... And I feel like even if I DID do it now, BECAUSE some of my friends are pregnant I may wonder where my real intentions reside--It's one big internal confusing mess.

It's so easy to think "Leave it alone... You're not mentally stable, or ready, just give it some time." But I feel like this same cycle is going to keep happening to me forever--And no matter how long I wait, SOMEONE is going to be pregnant and I'm just going to feel that way regardless.-- Childish I know, but for some reason I had dreamed I'd be pregnant alone in the world... Or at least first in a bunch, and not feeling like a "copycat."

... Wow, when did I start to care so much about what other people think?

I'm sad because I feel like I'll never have the experience of an "unexpected pregnancy." I'm only going to experience the frustrating anxiety... The never ending countdowns--calenders-- Hopeful tests. I'm not very organized but I'm a huge planner. Friends in college joked with me about my life's plans. I always had it all mapped out the way I wanted it to go--Even now I'm trying to "stick to the plan," but all the while secretly praying the Lord intervenes and surprises me a little early.

I honestly don't feel like anyone can really "get me" right now. I don't think people understand how hard of a transition it is... But I can't possibly be the only woman in the world stuck between wife and mother--Scared to go down the road with no return. It's SCARY! I try to put on a happy face around my husband--Knowing if he sees my fear it's never going to happen. But I'm terrified too. And it's worse knowing no matter how much preparation I'll never really be ready. --That's what everyone keeps saying.

I'm not TTC so I can't complain right?--That's what people think.--I can't complain because I haven't been unsuccessful with conceiving yet... I haven't experienced a miscarriage, or a loss--But somehow I feel like I'm losing part of myself along this difficult journey.

Perhaps that's a part of the territory. Maybe I'm losing a little while I'm gaining a lot, but right now I can't see through my tears, I can only see confusion, only feel angry, scared, sadness.

I feel like I'm right at the edge of the double dutch game, not quite ready to jump in, but not about to run off and keep playing hopscotch either. Lately I'm actually finding comfort in my limbo state. I'm a planner... I like to know what I'm getting myself into and I really ENJOY planning--I don't mind revisions. And while I'm slowly being tortured in my middle-ground it's almost becoming a pleasant pain... Call me a masochist. Maybe the longer I wait the better it will feel. Maybe the pain will fade and I'll only feel the pleasure.

My best friend told me I could hurry up and catch up with her but there are two things in my way... 1. My period and 2. I have to wait until June for a girl-- There I go with my planning again. When will I ever learn?

The Adversary

Is that was it is telling me now may not be the right time, or is it from my head, or even the Good Guys? Other than that I know there are some quote unquote: Worldly-- Sources too.

Take Sex and the City for example (I watched the TBS version ok?) These four women are obviously all in different stages of life. One is a successful columnist, dating the same guy forever... They finally get married and she's like in her 40s. Another woman is a sex addict, doesn't even really want a serious relationship, much less a marriage and kids and nearing 50. Then there's the career-driven lawyer woman with a kid and so-so marriage and the happily married professional gone stay-at-home mom with a couple of kids.

I know it's a TV show ok? But in watching this show I thought how cool it was to see different women in completely different situations and being totally happy with where they were. All of them were in their mid 30s plus. AND they were living in New York City!! (I've gotta get there).

Then, last week I turn on Larry King. Beyonce is on (love the girl) and talking to him about being a newlywed and what not--How they keep their relationship private etc. (smart girl). Well what got me was when Larry King brought the question of kids to the table. She told him of course she wanted kids, but she's so young and has so much more she wants to accomplish first while she's young. She's only 27... Wow! That's 4 years older than me!

It's not that I can't accomplish things after having children but sometimes I think I've come so far so fast--What can I do with another few years?

Then I have days where I get on the phone with one of my best friends (the not yet pregnant one). We both get each other COMPLETELY on the topic of kids--Wanting them, husbands not, friends having them--Jealousy. Well lately her husband seems to be coming around and we were talking about that when I got on one of my rants about how after kids you can never go back.

I told her: "I love looking at cute little babies and toddlers with their families but then I think of what it'll be like 5 or ten years from then, we don't stare and adore those families at church right now, or the parents with teenagers. We just like the cute little babies, but what about when they grow up? We can't just go back to being married without kids. When even they move away then there's college and weddings and grand kids to worry about! It never ends!!"

After spilling my brains of the topic I constantly dwell over the only thing she could say was "That's true. I never thought of it that way." I was a little upset... She was suppose to disagree with me or tell me it didn't matter. But nope... "I never thought of it that way," was it.

I told the same thing to another friend who recently had a baby (who I happen to babysit and love--More on that coming later) and lucky for me he said "You say that all in 30 seconds but it happens in a span of over 20 years, it doesn't all come at you at once." Although an obviously observation, it calmed me a little. It's just weird to think I've lived just over 20 years myself and the next 20 could be dedicated to other people-- Selfishness gone. I'm not sure what I think of that.

The Void

I've been trying to fill it for a few years--Ignore it. There's something missing--An emptyness inside that I can't wuite explain. I do have an idea of what it could be... But I'm worried it won't be my cure.

My core feels like a giant empty box that needs to be filled. I keep grabbing things... A degree, new job, a new home, a cute, happy and really really smart puppy... And stuffing them in my box. It begins to fill up, but quickly thereafter feels hallow again, almost as fast as it was filling up.

I can feel myself doing that again now. I'm trying to plan vacationss, goals, accomplishments. A trip to New York this fall, and a trip to some exotic island next year--Difficult to plan when there's a posibility of +1. My wants and needs are all jumbled up and I can't tell up from down.

There was a time, a month or so ago, when I just knew the time was "now"--Similar to the feeling I got when I knew I should marry my husband. It was comforting having that feeling, it brought with it strength to overshadow my intense fear of motherhood--Of leaving the world as I know it behind and welcoming a world that seems so hard to visualize.

I'm planning a another trip that's sure to help... A trip to a sanctuary, a place I haven't been in so long--Too long. A place I pray I'll get answers, and fill this void for awhile--A trip to the temple.

I'm not changing my mind this time, and I'm taking time off if need be. The schedules here are short, and there's limited times to go. But I'm not letting that stop me this time. The date-- No later than the 27th--Hopefully sooner. I will report.

The 100% Rule

I've never been good with choices. It's not that I make bad ones, no it's not that... It's the fact that it takes me FOREVER to make a decision. I'll go to the convenient store for toothpaste and literally stand down that isle for a half hour, debating which brand and kind to get.

Crest? That's what my family always got... But it could just be overrated, what about this generic brand? Too generic? Not as good for my teeth? What about whitening? Does it have fluoride? Overnight kind?... Oooh, dentist recommended! --Wait, they all say that. Which one's bigger? This one stands on it's own! Extra strength? ...It fights what?--Does this one do that? Which one's cheaper?... But you get what you pay for. Should I just get both?

Yes, I've actually done this before, and do it on a regular basis with the tiniest things. It's for that reason that my husband HATES grocery shopping with me. We have to set a time limit, and he'll often find me standing down an isle appearing as though I'm about to make the biggest decision of my life while I'm debating between something "extra strength" and "sensitive."

So take that example and multiply it by a BILLION... That's about how hard it is for me to decide when the right time to have a baby is.

I know I could have a kid now and be a "good mom"... Good enough at least. But I sometimes worry I'd be selfish for doing it now, when just a little longer, I could provide so much more.

I hear a lot of women say "Make sure you and your husband are both 100% on board before you go for it." And "You'll just know when you're ready!" Well guess what? I'm ready... Well, I am now, but when I was typing that last paragraph... I wasn't. I literally am flip flopping back and forth like a political candidate.

So how long is the 100% feeling suppose to last? I'm pretty sure I have a record for holding the 100% feeling for about a month or so... And it was a "Yes" like "answer to prayers, 'yes'" But then I woke up one day and thought "I'm ok waiting a little longer"... And draw up a list of things I'd like to accomplish, and that feeling went away.-- Guess I wasn't ready.

I hear other women say "You'll never be TOTALLY ready, just do it!" And I'm not sure if they mean ready mentally and emotionally, or just physically and economically.-- Yea, I suppose I'd survive either way. Others who have taken the leap before me haven't fallen into a disaster... For the most part anyway. I mean hey... They didn't die! And 100% of them tell me they love it 90% of the time, about 50% of the time.

You know that feeling of 100% assurity they guarantee you you'll get? Well what if you've had that but then it goes away? Was it a false call? Or were you never really "ready" anyway? I need some answers here and we can't be vague. Cause I'm the kind of person who has an ounce of doubt, with something this big... It aint happenin.--Remember the toothpaste?

Ok, maybe I'm too unstable... Mentally that is, with this topic and life decision. Maybe it's not the right time. But what if next month it is?... For a week, but then what if the next day I'm not but then the next I'm pregnant?!

And don't even think about adding a husband's opinion into this equation... Do that and you'll have a whole heckofa mess! Some say "you both need to be on board 100%" then others say "If we waited until my husband was ready we'd still be waiting, he's ready once reality hits him." Well which one is it? I go both ways--Depending on my mood.

I think part of my problem is the fact that I over-analyze, and since I'm not pregnant, it's easy to debate back and forth whereas if I was, I'd just go with it...

I literally had a conversation with a friend the other day that went something like this:
"So, babymakinmooon huh?, Where are you thinking of going?"
"Well, if next month than South Padre Island, if in six months Jamacia and if in a year, maybe Trinidad."
"Wow, you just changed your time line from a few weeks to a year in six seconds"
"Yep"

Maybe I'll make a new rule... I have to be certain for at least a month, no doubts... But then again are doubts normal every now and then? I'm grateful for choices but this one's not easy.

The good news is, I'm not alone... Am I? I'm pretty sure there are people out in the world who have felt the way I'm feeling now. If you don't mind, tell me your sign, as I'm thinking it's a Capricorn thing.

Oh man, I've rambled so much with this post I'm not even sure I want to publish it. Ok I won't.. no, maybe I will... nah... Ok yea... Wait, no..y-..n--

The Way to Convince Your Husband

First, I must explain the reason for my absence, as it technically is the longest I've gone without posting new material besides when I was on my cruise. It's kind of funny actually. Remember this post. Well, I had my feed publishing to my Facebook page and hubby decided to read it. He liked the post... Well, most of it, but he was a little worried about what my reaction might be to some of the comments with the underlying tone of "Who cares what your husband thinks... Have a baby!"

Now, I'm not sure how he thought I was going to carry this advice out... Trickery, hypnotism, rape--I assured him none of those were my intentions and that I'd want him to be just as excited as I am through the whole process (or else).

Regardless, the conversation left a bad taste in my mouth and I couldn't work up the energy to think of anything worth posting without fearing his reaction if he happened to read again. Great... now his reading is effecting my posting! I hate the feeling of having to censor my blog. I really try to do my best to keep things in my perspective, and keep his opinions and views out of it. Ok, so occasionally I go off on a rant, it happens. And at least I'm finding comfort from other people who are/have experienced the same thing.

I considered making my blog private for awhile, to subscribers, but I think the limit is 100.. A bittersweet blessing?

I guess he's mostly worried about people we know reading my blog... I can understand that, except 99% of people who read my blog don't really know me, and I'm not one who really cares what people think of me if they do. BUT I know a few of his family members read this blog. So if you're in my husband's family and reading this can you do me a favor and pretend like you don't? I mean, you can comment here or what not, but don't ask me about it at the family reunion ok?... At least not in front of the hubs.

The discussion that started this all was husbands... Do it with 'em, or without 'em? One of my friends asked a similar question: "One common consensus on here, though, seems to be not to wait for your husband to be ready?? I am just a little bit curious about it...I don't know why it caught me so off guard, but I definitely don't want to get pregnant if my husband isn't as ecstatic as me to be on this journey. Maybe these are too high of expectations... Just curious :) "

Becky, I'm with ya. I hope my husband is as excited as I am when it's time to try to have a baby, and I'm not planning on tricking it out of him (which I'm not saying they're suggesting) however, since I'm already going to Hell, I decided I'd write up a plan... My demise... And a every woman's guide to getting your hubby to get you pregnant... And what I would do if it was necessary to convince my husband to get on the bandwagon.

(And after reading a few comments and realizing some people took this seriously, let me just make a little disclaimer that this is totally a joke!) :)

First, make sure this is what you want, because once you convince him, if you change your mind, it could take a lot more than this to get him to believe you again. If a baby--Poop, spit, snot and all is really what you want, proceed to step 2.
2. Babysit together... But don't accept offers from people with bad, annoying, or loud kids. That'll scare him away. The ideal situation would be to babysit a baby who sleeps a lot, and when it's not sleeping, it's laughing and cooing at you. Then tell him that's how good your kids will be. (PS: pictured is my husband holding the very well behaved baby we now babysit twice a week.)
3. Get a dog, or some sort of pet, let him fall in love with it then say you're allergic and give it away. It's sad, but there's tough love in the game of love and war... And in that time of mourning is the perfect time to say "well, maybe a dog just wasn't the right move for us, and it's time for a real child."
4. Watch sports with your husband. Get all into it and tell him how fun it'll be when your little boys are old enough to play sports... Shoot, they aren't even conceived, better get going!
5. When moments present themselves, and you spot a cute family you think you'll resemble, or a kid's outfit he could see his child wearing, point it out to him. Don't over-do it, just nudge him and peer in the direction of the bait. He'll get the hint. WARNING: Don't do this too often or it could get annoying.
6. When he notices a cute family or comments about his dreams for children on his own, stay calm. Don't freak out, your over-excitement may just scare him out of the thought. Keep your cool and when the timing is right, tell him how you'd love that too.
7. Get all dolled up for him, let him have the remote, make him a nice dinner, and give him the night of his life. At the end of a long tiring but wonderful night when you're about to go to sleep, tell him how fun it will be when you're trying for a baby, and how it will be that much fun every night.
8. At church, let him catch you staring at little kids. Don't stare too long, or you'll look like a stalker, just long enough and with the nicest smile so that he knows, whether he likes it or not, that's what you want more than anything.
9. Hire outside enforcements. A couple he would look up to, but is in a worse situation than you financially. Make friends with them, then let them drop the bomb on you guys and tell you they're pregnant and share how excited they are with you. It may not work the first time, but after about the 3rd or 4th couple it's sure to strike a chord. This especially works with best friend couples with good babies, so you may have to invest some time and research.
10.Turn he tables. Halt everything you've been doing, and all of the positive vibes toward kids. Tell him you change your mind, you're not sure when you want to have kids and that maybe you two should wait awhile. He'll wonder why your mind has changed and it'll bring the idea of kids to the front of his mind. Then he'll always be the one bringing up the topic. That's when you POUNCE! Catch him while he's down and jump on his team, agree with him and he'll think the whole idea was his!

Got any others?

And FYI, if I don't post for a few days after this, send a search crew. My husband found it and I am dead.

The Theory

Asking the question of timing when it comes to having kids brings up a whole bundle of answers varying from "You should have a kid RIGHT NOW! It's the BEST thing in the entire world" to "DON'T DO IT!" I posted a question on this new website I found called MamaSource. It's basically a Wiki-like thing but for mom questions. I saw a lot of questions there about pregnancy and potty training, but one question I didn't see is a question I constantly have looming in my mind... 'What am I going to wish I had know before I become a mother?'

So I posed the question, and in less than 24 hours I had more than 40 responses. I was BLOWN AWAY. Really. By the variety of responses but how helpful, and thought provoking they were.
...So I have this new theory defining the type of people who have kids and when. Based on the responses I received there, and many comments I've read here on my blog, I'm thinking there's a huge perspective difference in people who are very religious and those who aren't. Most of the comments I get here that encourage me to take the leap I think come from people who are either LDS, or devout in their religion and have a strong belief in family bonds. Not saying that people who suggest I wait aren't religious, I just think some adamant religious people aren't as focused on careers, money, and things as much as others.

It also seems like a lot of the mom videos I watch on things like Momversations, with moms who seem to be "complaining" sometimes wish they had waited longer... I don't see many LDS people on those type of sites. Why do you think that is? Maybe since people who don't drink and "party" don't feel like they have much to give up? Or is it just that our religion focuses SO much on family, that it's not taken for granted as much?

What do you think? I'm really curious to know what makes some people wish they had waited longer, and others happy they had kids young. It could come down to personality, but I think it's more than that. I think I'm seeing a correlation here--I think I'm on to something, and I'm really wondering what "category" I'd fall into. I'm torn because I am very career-driven, but at the same time I often find myself thinking how I'd love to run away to the jungle and just have my family--That's all I want. I feel like I'm split between two worlds, but working in a cut-throat business that would leave me behind in a second once it got word I was lacking commitment--Putting my family first. So many people lose their families doing what I do and I'm not willing to let that happen.

I'm not sure how long the questions stay posted and I want to remember some of these answers forever so I'm going to post them all here. Forgive me for the long list sure to follow, feel free to scroll past to tell me where you stand or what you think of my theory. I'll color code the advice by people who "suggest waiting" or wish they had in red and people who say "go for it" or enjoy being younger parents in blue. Those in-between or that I can't classify I'll make purple. I know there's A TON of answers, but in there, there's a lot of advice for future mamas, so if you're debating like me, or looking for some words of wisdom, things they wish they new beforehand, and book suggestions etc. you may like to set aside some time to read them sometime!

Obviously deciding when the best time for me is my decision but it's sometimes nice to hear a mother's hindsight.
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My Question:
Is there anything you wish you had done beforehand? Anything you had wish you had known before "going down the road of no return?." Any advice you'd give to a Future Mama like myself? I sometimes feel like I'm ready but then I'm worried I'll wish I have waited longer later. Did you ever feel this way?
A little about me:
I'm 23, I've been married for about 4.5 years. I'm really thinking I'm about ready for a baby but I'm constantly back and forth, worried that once I become a mom I'm ALWAYS a mom. I don't drink or party or travel that much, we're pretty much homebodies, I'm just worried I'll never be able to overcome this fear of the permanency of motherhood! Ahhh, help!
Answers:
From: Umber
What I wish I had known is that the feelings you are having are perfectly normal and very very sane things to wonder.
Motherhood is forever and it is scarey and a total blessing at the same time. You'll never sleep again and if you do you'll feel good and guilty at the same time! You will never in your life know a greater joy nor a greater love than that of/ for your children. Nor will you ever have a more taxing and tiring job. And no matter how bad a day goes you will be very moved by how wonderful they are as soon as they fall asleep. :)
I had my kiddos much later than you but the feelings were the same. It is good to be realistic about how hard it is going to be. The surprise is just how wonderful it all is. You aren't going to believe how much love you will have in your life.
Congratulations! You're going to do fine!
From: Julianna W
I waited until I was in my 30's, I have no regrets about that. I totally enjoyed my freedom. I had an education behind me and a good career, I can't imagine doing it differently; except I wish I would of traveled. Also, I wish I would of known that you can't expect grandparents to actually offer to take care of kids on weekends like on TV. That just might not be the case.
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From: Rosie P
Hi Jennifer, What a smart question to ask! I dealt w/ that question for seven years before my husband and I finally made the BIG decision this past February and now we are expecting our first child this Thanksgiving :-) I still have many questions on parenting although I've read books and articles such as "Parenting for Dummies" and "Your Child's Self-Esteem" but I understand every child is different. My advice to you is to PAY ALL YOUR DEBTS OFF (mortgage is an exception). My husband and I can honestly appreciate and enjoy our pregnancy without the pressures and tensions of financial instability. It took us two years to pay off $27,000 (car note, student loan, several credit cards) but there is no feeling like that of having an actual savings and having peace of mind that i can quit my job if need be to care for our child. Like many postings have mentioned- you are very young and have much time to make this BIG decision. Just take care of your financial responsibilities while you can BEFORE babies come along. I wish you and your husband the best no matter what you both choose. Good Luck! Oh, one last thing, if you still feel unsure if you want children- practice with animals first! Caring for an animal can be quite a task. We practiced w/ THREE and they are all a little spoiled. :-)
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From: Kimberly N

After you become a mom your life isn't your own anymore. You hardly get any sleep and don't get much free time for yourself anymore. Your kids needs come before anything you need or want. So I'd wait a few years and enjoy your life and your freedom.

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From: Elizabeth S
If only I could go back without a child for one day. I have wanted kids my whole life. I got married at 21 and got pregnant right away. Unfortunatly, we lost that baby. I got pregnant again at 23 and lost that one too. We finally got pregnant when I was 25 and I now have a beautiful 2 year old girl. I am a sahm and I love my daughter so much. Sometimes I wish I would have waited a little longer though. There is no sleeping late. No going anywhere by yourself. (not even to the bathroom) I didn't go out either, but now I am wishing I would have. This motherhood is way harder than I thought. I really don't have anytime with the hubby until she goes to sleep and by then we are both exhausted. I would take another year or two and just enjoy each other. Go on vacations, enjoy movies and what ever else YOU want to do. Motherhood is the best job I have ever had, and it is a love that I have never felt before, but it is totally different than I expected. Good luck with whatever you choose.

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From: Amy B
At 23, you are lucky--you still have lots of time. So, I'd say wait for another few years, because you're not sure about the permanency of it. So, my suggestion is to do more come-and-go activities. Go places at the drop of a hat. One night before kids, we were watching SNL, saw a Taco Bell commercial at 11:45 PM, then hopped in the car and went to Taco Bell. Do all the spontaneous stuff you can now, and get it out of your system, because once you have sleeping kids at night, you won't be able to make fun midnight runs to Taco Bell together anymore! Plan some little trips last minute. We went camping when we were waiting for our adoption, and it was a good bonding experience because we HAD to spend our time together.
Go to movies! Go to lots of movies! R-rated movies! That is so hard to do after you have kids because, at least while I was a SAHM, babysitters were definitely not in our budget. Then once your kids are old enough, you'll only be seeing kid movies.
Have tons of fun now, and when you have a baby in a few years, you'll have no regrets.
From: Wanda C
Great question. The most important thing I've learned is that it doesn't have to change a thing unless you want it too. We travel more now thann we ever did before, only now, I get to show DD all of these wonderful things too. She once told my mother that Mommy and Daddy don't give her things, the give her memories.- Proudest moment of my life. I've been able to go back to school fulltime, because being a mom makes mee slow down. My school work keeps me sane. (Yes, friends, this is me "sane.") We were together for 5 years before marriage and started trying for our DD as soon as we came home from our honeymoon. I was 23 when I had her...5 Years later, I wouldn't change a thing.--most days. ;) You will know when it is right for you. --- OH, one thing no one will tell you that I really wish I had known...your pre-pregnancy shoes will NEVER fit again. I had the best shoe collection. Got pregnant-feet swelled- bones shifted- no amount of weight loss will ever get me back in those shoes. Someone at a women's shelter in Indiana hit the jackpot. I wear flip-flops now. (tear) ;) *** ETA after you update. Very few people are ever 100% ready. We tried for 6 months and then thought, "OK, it isn't going to happen anytime soon." Quit my job and got pregnant the day I left my very well paying job for a much more dangerous, less paying, but more rewarding job, and I got a dog. I immediatly found a much better, and safer job than the first and DH took the dog over, because he made me sick. Most of the people that have responded said they would have waited longer. I'm not saying you should do it now, but if you try to wait until you are 100% sure, you may be too late or have to spend 1,000's for fertility treatments, or adoption. Take your time, but watch that clock too. I know that I didn't want to be 50+ and have a child in high school. That might work for some, but our plans have us sailing around the world as empty-nesters at 50.
From: Allison O
It's OK to ask for help. No one expects you to be a super mom all the time. (I wish I had learned that a lot sooner) Don't let anyone tell you that you are too young. I had my first at 22, 2nd and 23 and 3rd at 25 and wouldn't change a darn thing. I don't think you are ever 100% ready for the new baby, but you do have to be 100% ready to let go of your old life and enbrace the new...and all it's wonderful craziness.
From: Jamie F
Something I wish I knew..... It took us soo long to get pregnant that when it happend it was magival, my pregnancy was wonderful and so when my son came, I imagined it just the same, angelic and wonderful. That was my biggest mistake, it was not all grins and giggles. It was really tough! Not all the time, but when he cried and I couldn't tell why, or waking up at 9,12,3,6, repeat..... It was tough. I wish someone would have sat me down and explained that I wouldn't know everything, (regardless of the 12 years chilcare experience) and that I would have to figure out what my baby needed and it would be O.K. if I needed help. It would be O,K, not to be super mom.
Good luck to you, don't let my post scare you, Motherhood is wonderful!! I wouldn't trade it in for anything!
From: Stacy B
Wait until you're ready. I wasn't ready until I hit 30! at that time, I just KNEW. It's not just the permanence of it. You will have to adapt your life. A lot of people say you change who you are, but you don't have to - you have to incorporate your kids into your life instead, which is just as tricky. And the one thing I wish I had known - the whole baby part is the EASY part. They're portable, they sleep a lot, you eventually figure them out. It's when they're 2, and 3, and 4, etc that it gets hard. I figured if I could make it through the first few weeks of sleepless nights and constant nursing I'd be ok. Hah! So wrong.
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From: Laurel S

There are so many things that I wish that I had done differently. I feel sorry for my oldest daughter, because she was the guinea pig. For one thing, I should have been more patient with her, although she is such a good girl now that I guess she's no worse for wear. Also, instead of insisting that my husband get out and get a job, I worked my tush off, barely seeing my children for several years. It was a horrible experience. I should have been willing to just let us be shamefully poor until he got the hint and got to work. Now he works, I stay home, and life is much better, but there were a LOT of wasted years.

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From: T B
Something my Mother in law tells me..."Not to decide is to decide". If you aren't sure just wait.
What I wish someone had told me was how hard it was going to be at first. All the adjusting to the new baby and how the relationship changes with DH.
What I wish I had done before having kids...travel more, done more as a couple, just basically experience life a little more. I was in my late 20's, I wish I had waited at least a couple of years.
You are so young, I would try to accomplish your goals as a person before having a little one.
From: Lynnette B
I wish I'd known how much having children would change me as a person, and how that would affect my relationship with my husband. I'd always been a fairly ambitious 'career woman.' I married young (21) but then finished college and started working in the corporate world, moving up fairly quickly. My dh had always said that my ambition and career goals were a big part of what attracted him to me in the first place. I had my first child at 30, and suddenly, ambition went out the window--all I wanted to do was spend time with my baby and be the one to raise her. My husband was totally shocked. He thought I'd get over it as she got older but I really never did. I stayed home as long as I could, then went back to work part-time until she was a year. When I had to go back full-time after that I was miserable. I finally quit my job when my 2nd was born and I haven't worked full-time since (my oldest is now 12). It took a really, really long time and a lot of effort to make our marriage work after I had this big change of heart about what was important to me. DH seemed to lose some of his respect for me. He completely stopped helping around the house and I felt like the maid. We still sometimes have issues--my youngest is 4 and we talk about having me go back to work when she starts kinder, but then we start thinking about all of the kids' after-school activities and what they'd have to give up and how in the world we'd get them to the places they CAN'T give up (like relgious school), and it starts to seem like I'll NEVER go back and he gets frustrated all over again. So, that's a very long story, but the point is that sometimes the changes that motherhood brings can be a bit shocking and can have a big impact on all areas of your life, and you have to be ready for that. I've known other women who were the opposite of me...always thought they just wanted to be a mommy and nothing else, then the babies came and they went nuts and couldn't stand being home. The best-laid plans can always go awry...you just don't know what's going to happen until it's happening! I think you'll be a great mom, just realize that there will be changes and you and your husband BOTH need to be able to roll with it. Good luck!
From: Tisha E
first of all, your only 23!! if your having a hard time deciding right now, then wait a little. there's no rush....it is ok to wait. secondly--don't be afraid of motherhood when it comes. the way you feel when your pregnant--priceless(i'm talking about that little critter kicking inside) the way you feel when you give birth--priceless..the way you feel when you hold your baby and not want to put them down just because they are sleeping cuz they look so sweet... priceless...the list goes on and on...but take your time you are still young..
From: Rebecca
The funny thing is, once you have a baby, you will really not remember what life was like before. Everything is different, but it all falls into place. Sure, it is hard (anyone who tells you otherwise is a lying). My babies were "suprises" (we were using protection , so don't think you won't be suprised too;)). Good luck and just the fact that you are thinking this far ahead probably means you would be a good parent.
From: Stephanie S
Just make sure you and your husband are ready...Then go for it and enjoy ALL of it-even the bad parts. It goes by sooooo fast before you know it you will be like me with a 19 year old in college who is 6' 5" who you still think of as your baby. I have to admit my kids are pretty awesome and when there were rough times we always just worked thru them to get over it. We have always been a family who did everything together even the rodeo weekend life. You cant be afraid to take your kids with you everywhere you go-its much better than being seperated from them. Just Enjoy It!
From: Christina T
Jennifer, My advice may not really help, I was 18 when I got pregnant for the first time 20 for the second. I am not really a "free" spirit but I believe things DO happen for a reason. What I wish I had known or done beforehand would fill BOOKS!! But in hindsight, I would not change a thing. The things I don’t know may still fill a book, but the things I have learned fill my heart to overflowing. Yes its easer to travel with out children, go to school, find yourself, but who you are changes anyway when you become a parent. I can’t say I regret a single thing. LOL reading back on this its not advice at all. Be happy with you as a single person and you as 1/2 of a couple.
From: A M
Hello! Great question. I got married at 26 and had my son at 31. My hubby is 5 years older than me. He's military and we lived in Germany for 4 years so we were able to travel extensively. I feel very blessed to have had this time because we wouldn't have traveled like that with our little one. I always thought I wanted to be a mom, but wasn't sure I was ready. We had always said we'd start our family when we moved back. So even though I wasn't sure, we proceeded with that plan. We were blessed to get prego while my hubby was home on R and R for two weeks. I lived alone for 7 months of my pregnancy and made a transatlantic move with 3 dogs. My husband made it home safe and sound 3 weeks before our son was born. I wasn't sure we were really ready until I heard my little one cry for the first time. I was concerned about my patience level, but it's like you are blessed with an infinite reserve of patience for your child. I definitely agree with the posters who said you should trust your instincts. People will give you so much unsolicited advice, but the truth is you know what's best for your child and your family. I wish I had known that I would be so overwhelmed with love for this tiny creature that other things that used to bother me would fade into oblivion. I also had no idea how scary the world would seem once I had my little one. I had no idea I could be so fulfilled spending the entire day entertaining my little one. Being his mama and being happily married to his papa is the most thrilling role I've ever had. You'll know when you're ready... Even if you're unsure. Trust your gut. The things I didn't know that I might've prepared for better is my lack of time. I spend all day with my little one, and have just a few minutes here and there to accomplish laundry, projects, etc. What used to take a few hours now takes me a few weeks. I don't mind that my life has slowed down... Also, I wish I had known not to be so judgmental. Being a mom is doing a thousand things you never thought you'd do. The other advice I have is if you're going to get a new car, take the car seat with a watermelon in it and practice getting it inane out before you buy. I thought the car we picked was perfect, but now that my little guy weighs 15 lbs, it's torture on my back getting him in and out... Totally worth it, though. Blessings to you and your hubby!
From: Karen B
Hi Jennifer-
I wish I had talked to my husband more about our expectations of parenthood and how we might handle different parenting issues (discipline, balancing our time, etc.). It's so much harder to find time to sit down and discuss these issues when you are in the middle of them. It's impossible to plan for everything that parenthood throws at you but if you and your husband can reach some sort of concensus on how you will handle the big things before the baby comes then you'll be off to a much smoother start than I was. When you're sleep deprived and stressed out from the children it's not a good time for your husband to say "I think you're handling this wrong, you should do...". By the way, my husband only made that mistake ONCE! (ha-ha).
Seriously, talk about everything you can think of ahead of time. Do you plan to work or stay at home? Regardless of your choice how do you see the household responsibilities getting divided up? Do you or your husband do anything that takes up a lot of your down time (golf, crafts, fishing, etc). These hobbies do NOT have to end but you will both have to be more thoughtful and aware of how much time these things might be taking up and cut back or plan these things together so that they do not cause a problem later.
As everyone else has said, it's a wonderful trip that has led to no regrets on my part.
Good luck, Karen
From: Brittany A
The only thing I was worried about was that I had not gotten to spend enough one on one time just being with my husband beforehand. A baby takes a lot of teamwork, and the stronger the team the better. You have been married 4.5 years, so I know you two will be just fine. Good Luck and Congrats!!! Babies bring such joy that nothing else will matter ( :
From: New Mama D
I always said I wanted to have my kids early, about 25, but that just wasn't in the big plans for me since my husband didn't come along until a couple years later. I am so glad for this, because we got to enjoy travel and get in a better place financially so that I didn't have to go back to work afterwards. I watched several of my friends have kids young and they didn't get to enjoy it as much as I am, because I feel they weren't mature and patient enough, but also because they were constantly struggling which put a huge strain on their marriages. Each and every persons situation is different though. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best in the world, because once you look into your little ones eyes, you realize that you have met the second love of your life! One thing I wish I would have done more was let my daughter sleep on my chest more. It was always so sweet and it doesn't take long for them to not want to be held like that anymore and you already miss it!!
From: Stacey B
Wow, that is a great question. I was 24 when I had my daughter and 28 when I had our son. My husband is 4 years older than me and was ready to start a family on our honeymoon! Yikes! However, our daughter was born the day before our second anniversary. She is now 20 and our son is 16. My husband and I have enjoyed our children and wouldn't change anything. I do like that I can sleep late! Jennifer, the love you feel for your child is overwhelming. There is absolutely NOTHING you wouldn't do for them. It's good that you are thinking about this. If the thought of being a parent didn't scare the crap out of you, I would be concerned! It's the hard job you will ever have and the most rewarding.
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From: Laura W

Sometimes I wish I'd traveled more or pursued a master's degree, or continued to sing in the choir (know a lot of mom's do this still but every time my nursing babe has been old enough for me to go back the energy of having a new baby has sucked this desire from me.) I can't make myself miss lullaby time. I read lofty books instead and travel with the family.
It's really easy to think of the sacrifices moms make and wonder, how can I do that. I will never have a life of my own. What I've discovered over the last 14 years of mothering is that this is life and it is so full of joy, energy and love (and trials) that I could never even wish to go back. It's nice to have children under foot in the home and I will miss it when they are grown. The past 14 years have gone at light speed, and there will be time to pursue other interests. Meanwhile the complexities of raising 6 different personalities (maybe I should add myself and my husband to that number :) make for very interesting days. Having one (or so at a time) allows the transition into mothering to be gradual...though when you get the soft sweet (screaming) little wee one up on your chest after you've given birth...you'll have no doubts about who you are and what you want to do. What a sweet place to be. Two more things: We had our first when we were married about 5 years and I was almost 26. When you have babies as a young woman, it is usually easier to conceive... though it took us 3 years. Your body bounces back easier, and you may not need a walker when you are traveling and enjoying life after baby. Just something to think about :)
From: Laurie A
We were married 10 years before we had our child... on purpose. She was planned and we were ready? As ready as we thought we could be.. We had been through rough patches in our marriage and had learned to communicate through counseling... We slept in as late as we wanted for an entire year... and then never slept in again until she was about 5.....
I wish I had known that there would be weeks, where my husband and I did not have a true adult conversation.... We would look into each others eyes across the room and just have to know what we were feeling, without words.
The other thing was I wish I had followed my own "mommy heart and gut", instead of listening to others, just because they were my elders.. (this only happened twice). I knew what the problem was, but because I was used to respecting elders, I did what they suggested and my daughter ended up in the hospital both times!
I am also really glad I married my best friend instead of a guy who would just be a good provider, cause now that our child is in college, I will be living alone with him for the rest of my life....
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From: Amy W
Hi Jennifer, I just wanted to respond & tell you that there will always be things as a mom that you would like to do, but can't do, or can't easily do because you have a child. Whether it's something as simple as sleeping in on a Saturday or as big as going on a trip. The thing I think you should remember is that you are still very young. You have plenty of time to have children, so don't feel the need to rush it. Live a little more of your life with your husband & wait. Especially if you are unsure if you are ready. I know plenty of people who have had children at a young age, and plenty of people who waited. Once you have a child, your whole life really does change, and it's beyond wonderful, but it is a lot of work. I had my son when I was 2 weeks from my 31st birthday & there are still things that I wish I could do, but can't because it's just not that simple to get up & go do it anymore. He's the highlight of my life & I love him dearly, but I am glad I waited. Of course my friends who had children young are very happy & love their children, but some of them feel they missed out on a lot of their youth because of it. So, don't stress out about it. Just wait. You'll know when you truly feel the time is right. Best wishes!
From: Elizabeth H
Hi Jennifer! Being a young mom, to me, is such a HUGE advantage!!! My Mom had me at 20 and she is honestly my best friend and the person I go to for EVERYTHING!! Not that you can't be that when you are an older Mom but I personally think it's easier when you are younger, you can relate a little better. I hear my older friends always saying "I should have started younger." Being a Mom is hard no matter what but there has never been one day I looked back and wish I had waited (I had my first at 25). My husband loves being young too because he can now be a "big kid" again and does everything they do!! Plus, you'll be able to enjoy grandkids better too!! Don't worry! It's God's perfect timing anyway...we like to take credit and think we have control but God really does the deciding for us. You'll be fine and I promise you it's such a fun ride and such a huge blessing!! You'll look very "cool" too when your kids start highschool and you are the "young" Mom on campus!! At least that's what I'm hoping!! Ha Ha! Congratulations!! Elizabeth
From: Nancyrae S
Motherhood is a permanent status and position. You are Mother until you die. Once you're in it there is no turning back.
If you're ready - truly ready - there will be no regrets. It is truly the most rewarding and most thankless job you will ever have in your life.
All you can do is take the advice of your own Mother, Grandmother, Aunt or whomever it is that you've admired and do it. If you are ready for this adventure of a lifetime, you will do fine. Go with what you know, your instincts and your gut. Always remember to protect your children and speak up for them - you are their only protection.
Good luck.
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From: Lisa M

Deciding to have children is the biggest decision of your life. Your life is no longer your own, it belongs to your child. You have to be ready to put that child first instead of yourself. There is never a perfect time to have children. If you're waiting until you have the money, have done certain things, etc., that time will never come.
If you're ready to open yourself up to being completely devoted to the needs of your child, then you are ready. I didn't have my first until I was 32. Not because I wasn't ready until then, but because I had not met the right guy until then. I love my son with every part of my being and his needs and desires come before mine any day of the week.
My younger sister, on the other hand, married at 21 and by 24 was feeling the pull to have a child. Her friends were having them, I had my son, etc. However, she has never adjusted to "life is no longer about me". She loves her daughter, I know. But, I don't really think she was ready when she got pregnant.
The differences in she and I, I am the oldest, she's the youngest. We have a brother between us. She has always had someone to take care of her. She lived at home until she was married, commuted to college, and she had my brother and I to help take care of her as a child, etc. I, on the other hand, left home right after high school to attend college, I did move back for a year at 22. But, I was out and on my own, living my life. There are things that I didn't get to do that I wanted as a single girl. But, now some of the things I want to do I can take my son along and he can experience them with my husband and I. My greatest joy now will be seeing him experience those things with his parents.
Don't be afraid to take your child with you places. Our son went with us out to eat at 8 days old. We take him practically everywhere with us. There are some "adult only" times. But, 90% of the time the things we do he goes along with us. I must add, though, that our circle of friends includes some couples that have young children as well. Most of them bring their children along, too. Some have easier access to babysitters than we, such as grandparents that live here, etc. When we became parents we seemed to have made a shift that most of the things we do, kids are welcome. It wasn't intentionally, but it just happened.
From: Jackie T
I wish I realized there only little bitty for a year and how fast that year goes by. The first three months were hard really hard. But after that it got eaiser and eaiser. No one told me that your hormones would be out of wack for a long time...mine durring preganancy and are just now settling back 17 months later. We were homebodies before and were still homebodies. Being a parent is a learn as you go process. I was 28 when we had our son. My mother was 24 when she had me. She thinks its great that we waited longer because we were actually adults and could handle things eaiser than she did...what ever that ment. They grow up fast and move on to college and highschool. Even my son at 17 months wants to wander to the neighbors house. Its not a life sentence its a blessing. It dosent sound like your ready. I never was one that had a "need" to have a baby. My son is the only diaper I have ever changed. He is wonderful and I know what a Blessing he is to our family. I grew in every way when I had him.
From: Jodi E
You almost make it sound like it's the end of the world to become a mom! In actuality, it's awesome, and it's hard to remember what your life was like without your child. I didn't get married until I was 27, and had my daughter when I was 30. Like you, we didn't party much and were home-bodies. I remember standing in the baby's room a week before she was born, freaking out, knowing I wasn't ready for this and sure I wasn't going to be a good mom. But it was too late for that, and the fears were totally groundless.
It'll be tough to do what you want to do right after the baby's born. There are some things you have to give up. But babies grow up quickly. Now my daughter does just about everything with me. She's even got her own passport so we can go on trips wherever/whenever we want to. Don't let being a mom stop you from doing what you want to do.
As for advice, my biggest piece of advice would be "Don't think you have to do it all on your own." When the baby's being fussy and you just have to hand her off to someone else and walk away before you pull your hair out, you're not a bad mom. When you look around the house one afternoon and realize that it's covered in baby paraphernilia, that the dishes are piled in the sink, that you can't remember the last time you vacuumed and you haven't had a shower since the day before, and you want to run away screaming, you're not a bad mom. When she won't stop screaming, even after you've tried Mylicon, Baby Orajel, Baby Motrin, a warm bath, and all you can do is lay her down and let her cry, you're not a bad mom. You're a normal mom. You're a super mom because you handle this day in and day out and you feel rewarded by it when she gives you a smile, or as you watch her peaceful face as she sleeps in your arms. It's tough, but it's worth it. And forget the housework. It'll still be there tomorrow when she's old enough to help! Enjoy her being small while you can. =)
From: Michelle G
wow- what a great question. I have never really thought about it. But here goes... I wish I was a little younger when I became a parent. My daughter was born when I turned 40. And frankly, sometimes, I get really tired trying to keep up with her. (She is 5 now.) I wish I had not wasted time reading books. All babies and kids are different. You have to trust your instincts about what is right for you and your babe. (For example, she slept on her stomach from day 1. Scary, I know.) I wish I had known that I would never sleep the same way again. First, out of worry of SIDS. Later, well, for a million other things. These days I am out of bed once or twice a night just to go in and look at her. But really, I wish I had known the depth of love and selflessness I was capable of. I never knew I had it in me! It took the right partner to make me see it in myself. I guess that's why it took me so long, huh? But anyway- trust your gut and listen to your heart. You'll hear the answer when the time is right.
From: Jessica L
I know everyone use to tell me that kids grow up so fast, but I didn't get it until the last few years. My girls are teenagers (16 & 17) now, and I miss them being babies. I was so young when I had my girls and in a bad marriage so I was constantly depressed. I loved my babies and took good care of them, but I didn't cherish them like people told me to do. I wish I could go back and just play with them and hold them more. Also, I wish I would have raised them in church. We go to church now, but I wish I would have started them when they were babies so I could have been a Christian mom their whole lives.
I will be in prayer for you and your husband to make the right decision. God bless!
From: Camille G
Hi Jennifer, I got pregnant for the first time when I was 36, didn't try to but yep there it was , lol , I didn't think I could even get pregnant & had accepted my life without children and dealt with it, but it happened. :) Up until that point, it was ALL about me. You get pretty used to thinking of only yourself when you've done it for that long! Motherhood is forever. Its not easy and not for the faint of heart. ;) But only when you have a child will you understand a love that is beyond anything you've ever felt or known. At 23 I think you still have time to put off motherhood a little longer, but thats just me. I wouldn't wait too long though. I know women who do wait too long and then find out they can't conceive. Good luck.
From: Sarah T
I do wish I had gone to Disney World and had taken my husband to France. I loved France and now with 4 kids that would be a difficult trip to do.
I worked in daycare for years before getting pregnant so I already knew a lot, but I am a terrible multitasker. Keeping a clean house AND watching 4 kids is very difficult! I wish I had learned organization, cleaning schedules ect prior to having children, maybe that would have made it easier.
I wish that I had learned more about birth. I read the "What to Expect" books and took a birth class at the hospital. What I now know is that those classes only teach you how to be good obedient patients. It took four awful birth experiences and four c-sections before I learned what is in the gems (The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, Gentle Birth Experiences, Ina May's books, and others.) Women spend more time dreaming about and planning their wedding then they do their births! Birthing isn't just a means to an end, it's a rite of passage. And done well, it can be beautiful for mother and gentle for baby. And done poorly, it can be horrible as well as dangerous.
Are you ready for kids? Well, I don't know. I was your age when I had my first one, born just before our 1 year anniversary! I had another unplanned pregnancy only 5 months later, and #2 was 6 months old when I was preggo with #3! I believe I was ready. And it was much easier having two then one, especially since they were only a year apart. When children are close in age they are more easily playmates.
Sarah, mom to 4 on Earth and 5 Heavenly Treasures
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From: Kristi M
You’re right that motherhood is permanent. It will change how you sleep, how you eat, how you hear the nightly news, how you relate to your husband. This will not change when the child turns 18 or 20. You will be the mommy forever. You won’t just pick up and go to a movie because you want to see it. You will do something much better… you’ll sit at home and watch this marvelous creature as he/she smiles, coos , yawns and amazes you. You will worry more than you knew was possible. You will celebrate things that you don’t even notice now.
What I wish I had known as a mother is to trust my instincts instead of being swayed by the opinions of others. Usually the instincts of a loving mother are right. I was not so confident, and I regret that.
I wish I had known as a young mom that it is not failure to need someone to watch the baby so that I could take a shower or a nap. If daddy is at work, ask grandma or that nice lady at church who loves to hold him to come and hold the baby for awhile so you can feel human again. You’ll be a better mom with some sleep.
What I am glad of is that even at the very young age I became a mother I trusted that natural is usually better, and that a little bit of extra work will benefit the baby and the mom.
What is most important about being a parent is to live honorably so that your children will be able to fulfill their scriptural mandate to honor you. You are already off to a good start here by taking parenting so seriously. Kids need to know that their parents are solid, good and trustworthy. This is what gives them their foundation.
I would not presume to advise you as to whether you are ready for this. I will say that if both parents are not in agreement about it, then this is not the time. Also, no matter how much advice about mothering you receive there is no way to understand the richness and awe this brings to your life. Being a mother will change every thing. It can sound so trite, but what is ugly in the world will disturb you more and what is beautiful now will be even moreso. And the love you will feel for your baby is something that none of us can describe.

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From: Jen B
Well my hubby and I have decided there is no perfect time to have a baby. When we got married we planned to wait a couple years, but surprise, six weeks later I was prego! Now our son will be two next in July and we might be prego with number two, we will soon find out:) When I look at my toddler and think "holy cow, I am going to do it all again!" sometimes I think I am a crazy woman. But you know when my toddler crawls in my arms and tells me he loves me and I rock him to sleep or after he wakes up after a nap, the love that swells my heart makes me realize I wouldn't have life any other way. There are a ton of things I didn't know going into parenthood but that is part of what makes the journey so wonderful. It has it's challenges and as my mom says a part of your heart lives permanently outside of your body, but it is so worth it! I didn't marry until I was 30 so I did do some cool things before children, but if it is in your heart to be a mom, go for it! Nothing I did before kids matches the awesomeness of having them. Well gotta run...baby just woke up and isn't too happy!:) Let us know what you decide!
From: Katrina M
Hi Jennifer! I just wish I had been as mature as you and not jumped into having kids at such a young age. I love my kids but my bad decision caused them to have a tougher life than they deserved. The good thing is you have been married for so long that you know your husband and you know if he is going to make a good dad. The one thing I would stress is that if you and your husband don't get along 95% of the time don't have kids. I know from experience that when you fight in front of your kids (as Dr. Phil says) "you change who they are". Marriage takes a lot more work when you have kids. Make sure that you and your husband have talked about how you will raise your kids to make sure you are both on the same page. Being a parent is hard but let me tell you, there is nothing more rewarding than kids. One thing I will NEVER forget is the bond between my husband and I when we held our tiny little miracle that we made together. It is amazing! I had two kids in my early twenties and one when I turned 32. I will say I knew a lot more and made a better mother at 32 but that was partly because I had finally married a good man and I had been divorced twice and single while raising my first two. I learned things the hard way. Good luck in your decision and there is no reason to pressure yourself. You are so young.
From: Sally G
take time to travel! you'll never have enough money or time to do one....so make it BIG!
From: Janad H
I went through the same battle before I started having children. I was so worried that I wouldn't be good at and I'd be "stuck". You will be surprised just how amazing it is to hold your baby for the 1st time. I do admit that at times motherhood can be frustrating, tiring and totally unrewarding, but at the end of the day when your baby gives you a huge grin or a giggle and you put that baby down and you walk in their room and see them sleeping peacefully, it's all worth it. I wish I would have known just how much sleep you loose in the first few months so I could catch up on some z's before hand! I think it's great that you are spending so much time thinking about this big decision. That will help you a great deal in the long run. Good luck!
From: Sara L
I felt that way the whole time I was pregnant. I was worried that I could never again be selfish or over-indulgent, and that I was going to lose myself. For me, when my daughter came, it was nothing like I expected. The love you will feel for your new baby will be so strong, stronger than any love you have ever felt. It is a type of love that you can't even imagine now, but that is much much greater than any fear you are feeling now. You change as a person, not because you have to but because you all of a sudden want to. Standing on the brink of any big life change is scary, but you will find that once your baby is here, this "road of no return" just becomes your daily life, and it is a more rewarding life than you ever could have imagined. It helped me to read as many parenting books as possible. That way, I felt more in control, and like i would know what to do and how to do it well. When she came, I was prepared and able to enjoy my time with my new baby. One really good basic book to get you started is Baby 411. It walks you through the first weeks and months in a really easy to read way. Remember, almost every first mom has these fears. I remember crying on the couch in fear when I was pregnant, but now I am happier than I have ever been. Also, my relationship with my husband is deeper, stronger and more solid than it ever was before. With an 2 year old and another on the way, I truly feel that we are a team. Good luck!
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From: Amy H
I think the feelings you are having are perfectly normal. I have 3 kids and am 30. I had my first at 24, my husband was 22. It was the right time for us, but other people thought we were crazy! Being a parent is hard work, and yes you lose that 'me' time, but if you have a great husband and friends, you will always have the support. Also remember that you get 'you' back when your kids are grown up. So, do you want an 'old' you our a realativly youngs you? Whatever you decide, just make sure your husband is right there with you and find friends that have kids...they will always understand your feelings. Good luck. Oh, what I wish I had know before becoming a parent...kids are hard work. I kinda knew that, but man, the degree of how 'hard' was greatly understated. But it is fun work!
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From: Carla B
My life is more rich with my children in it. I have forgotten what "childless" is like. Go places now. Maybe that's one... I miss just picking up and going somewhere for the weekend. Go someplace really cool with your husband before you get preggo...A cruise...something that will give you both good memories. Once you are a Mom, don't forget to take time for yourself and hubby. Date night at least once per month. CB

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From: Leslie B
I wish I would have known about Gripe water with my first and wish I would have known to not throw away any breastmilk. Whatever breastmilk you don't use left over from a bottle or pump and dump, so to speak, freeze it in 1 and 2 oz and use for diaper rashes and facial rashes and other topical needs. I also wish I'd known with my first to not be afraid to give him a cereal bottle and get some good sleep.
As far as the fear of the permanency of motherhood, my philosophy is that's what morning sickness is. When you realize the magnitude of what you've gotten yourself into, it makes you sick to your stomach. However, when you have that baby all fears diminish. You're going to be a great mother.
My mother always told me to have my children before 25. I waited until 37 and 40. She was on to something. At first, I thought, I'm so happy to be older and wiser. Forget that. There's therapy. I want my energy back!!!

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From: Linda W
I cannot think of anything "i wish i'd done before I became a mom" Once you have a baby you will love that baby so much (for it's entire life) that I don't think you will ever question yourself on this. You can always get a relative or a reputable sitter if you want to go do something that your child cannot go do or just to have "moms day out" or even a second,third forth fifth...etc honeymoom with your hubby for a few days. a child is alot of work but the joy & the love for that child far outweigh the tiredness & the responsibility. You'll be thinking "i don;t know what i'd do without my baby rather than what do I want to do before I have one:) It is good you're thinking ahead, I consider that a responsible person. But I have 7 children (all adopted)but I have NO regrets. My advise, have them while your young & can enjoy doing things with them. Im 52,& have twin 5 yr old girls & a 19 month old son (along with twin 18 yr old girls, 19 yr old son & 34 yr old son) Its much harder with these 3 smaller ones at my age than it was with my older ones because I was young & enjoyed places like Six Flags etc. Oh yes,I enjoy it now, I just dont have the energy now I did back then. BUT i wouldn't trade my life with my children for anyone's & you will feel the same once you become a mom. I would like to add one thing, I knew my daughter n law before she ever dated my son & she always said she did NOT want children & if she ever became pregnant,she was giving it to me. I assure you that changed...lol! She met my son became pregnant & now has two beautiful children & is a wonderful mother!! Her kids are her life. She went from never wanting children to a mom that loves & cherishes her children. They are her life!
From: H O
Wait...............that is my advice to you. I am 39 and I have 3 wonderful children. But, I am worn out. I believe your 20s is a time for YOU ...you have SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much time ahead of you. Once you are a mother...that is it.......NO MORE YOU....it is ALWAYS about your children...they will come first for evertything...Concentrate on improving you and fulfilling your personal goals and dreams NOW...because once you have a child...all that is secondary...and you might miss you your chance.. Listen to the little voice inside you.........it is telling you something...All I wanted for Mother's Day was time...time for me...I went in my room for 2 hours alone and that was it...the children started knocking on the door begging for me...and then I was back on "duty" again...
Wait....wait...wait...focus on you....live your dreams NOW...because if you don't you will regret it...Children are great but.....once you are a mom........YES! you are always a mom.......24/7...hope this helps.
From: Marcy L
Hi Jennifer. Being a mom is one of the highest honors in life. You will still be Jennifer, as being a mom doesn't have to take away your identity. The main thing I've learned in being a mom (My kids are 17 and 22)is that I can really trust God with my kids, and with my own desires. Kids are gifts to us for such a short time, as they grow up so fast. So if and when you become a mom, enjoy the moments, don't get caught up in competing with other moms, love your husband in front of your kids, discipline in love, and pray about everything. It won't be easy, but you will learn the most valuable lessons from watching your kids grow and loving on them. Train them, by being an example before them, and praise them often. And finally, be yourself. Continue to date your husband, take up hobbies, develop who you are. This too will bless your kids. Enjoy...
From: Tia P
I think you already have the big picture: once a Mom, always a Mom. Being a Mom has been the hardest, most thankless job I have ever done. It's also the most important job I've ever done.
Did you know that research shows that a couple's happiness in marriage decreases after they start having children? And often doesn't ever return, even after the children leave home (thus divorces after 20-25 years of marriage).
You're so young, you have lots of time to enter the "permanency" of motherhood. I would even say that when you're really ready, you will embrace it BOLDLY, not with trepidation or fear.