The Flashback

I came across a blog post I wrote years ago, not long after I got married. It was titled "What's wrong with women these days?"(I say "was" because in a recent rampage I must have deleted every post I had made). I went on and on about how crazy I thought people were for getting married and having kids right after being so young. My friends... Lots of them, were having kids! I said how I wanted to at least finish school first, have a degree or two. Have a house, have traveled with my husband, be successful in my career. I know... Sounds selfish right? Well, I still stand behind most of what I said. It is still weird knowing that most of my friends have children and/or are pregnant, but part of me (a very small one) can relate.

I have my house, I'm established in my career, have four years of marriage under my belt, and practice with a puppy. I'm still only 22 though (23 in January), and most of my friends in my new town think I'm crazy every time I even mention the "B" word.

Right now I'm thinking my plan is to have a kid by 2010, or in 1 year and 10 months to be exact. In that time I'm hoping my husband will complete school and I'll have some healthy habits established and be ready for the plunge. Of course plans do change, and I'll be sure to note my monthly change of mind.

I was planning on applying to graduate school this year but this book called "How to study for the GRE" scared me away. That's still something I'm wanting to go for, and I'm hoping it can be done with spawn.

And lastly... The car. "Lexus before little ones" or "Beemers before babies" were little sayings I made up to keep me focused on my goals. Oh you'd better believe I'm still getting my car... Just maybe not until my next promotion.
But instead of this sporty version I'm thinking of something a little more family friendly

The List

I was at a friend's house making gingerbread houses when we got on the topic of marriage and children. She said she has hardly any friends who are married, and I told her most of my friends were married, and a lot of them have kids. I started showing her some of my friends' blogs and we 'oooed and aaaahhhhed' over the cute little families. She couldn't believe how many friends I have with kids. I made a list a while ago and I'm not sure if I can even come close to remembering all of my pregnant friends or friends who have recently had kids, and I was going to put it here to keep track, but once I quickly thought up about 15 couples I realized it would probably be easier for me to post my friends who DON'T have kids, then keep track of when they cross over to the dark side.

Chow and Russ
Cody and Marco
Becky and Ryan
Gina and Cody
Heidi and William
Heather and Bryce
Hilary and Cory
Kim and Clay
Jana and Dave
Jen and John
Jessica and Reece
Megan and Claudy
Randi and Chad
Sarah and Dave
Shannon and John
Sharyl and Sonny
Stephanie and Patrick
Stacey and Spencer

If I have forgotten to put your name on this sacred list, forgive me. Let me know and I will add it.

My prediction is that by the time I'm pregnant, half of these people will be pregnant or have a child. This will be fun to look back at :o)

The Perfect Age to Have a Baby

Ok ok, obviously the time is different for everyone and from what I've hear you're never really "ready," but for the sake of my blog, humor me a little while I compare and contrast.

As of now I'm thinking I'll be in my 20s when I have my first child, but that has fluctuated over my four years of marriage. I have no intentions of being in my 40s but early 30s could be a possibility. Here are some interesting tidbits I learned from a very long article.

20s

-"Physically, the 20s are the ideal time for pregnancy," doctors say. Because your body is primed to handle the demands of carrying a baby.
-You're less likely to have pregnancy complications or babies with Down Syndrome.
-You can also grow up with your child (I'm personally not a fan of that idea, I can't imagine having a teenager before I'm 40... SCARY!!!
-Mentally: A lot of my (non-LDS) friends won't have kids yet, and I may have to put my career/advanced education on hold for awhile.
-Also, still relatively new in a marriage, we'd have to make sure we plan more time for each other.

Stories:

Carla (was 21)-The down side: Being a young mom means that it's hard not to be selfish about my time. I used to sleep in, read, or watch TV whenever I wanted and go out with friends any night I pleased. All these freedoms go away when you're a parent.

The good side: Bouncing back after pregnancies is easier when you're younger. I've gotten down to my starting weight after each one. Two weeks after I had Aliza I was in a bridesmaid dress.

I'm happy that my kids have young grandparents -- they're all in their 50s -- and seven great-grandparents. I'm always calling my mom and mother-in-law for advice

Samantha (was 25)- My career had been important to me -- I was just starting out and was very ambitious. But during my maternity leave, I realized that motherhood was what life was about for me right now.

My friends hadn't had kids yet. Some of my closest mom friends are women in their 30s and 40s whom I met in the neighborhood or at playgroups. They were eager to take me under their wing and share their wisdom.

There are times when Chris and I hear about all the wild things our single friends are doing and we're envious. But then something magical happens at home with our boys and we're reminded that we have such a full life to be thankful for.

30s

-At higher risk of developing certain complications. But the majority of healthy women still have uneventful pregnancies at this age. At age 35 there's 1/200 chance of having a child with Down Syndrome.
-More likely to have a C-section
-Mentally: I've had time for myself and my marriage, and I've accomplished some professional goals. This could give peace of mind if wanting to take a break to spend time with spawn.
-It'll be easier to find a support group of pregnant friends and get advice.

Stories:

Carol (was 30)- Good side: Financial stability -- we own our own apartment now, and we've got some money saved for Emily's education. It also meant that Emily doesn't have to compete with my career. I put so much time and energy into my job in my 20s that I felt like I was able to step back a little once I had her. I found a new position within the company that allows me to work at home sometimes, so I can spend more time with her.

Because we waited to have kids, our parents are all retired or about to retire, which means I get a lot of help! My parents-in-law watch Emily every day while I'm at work.

(apparently she had no down sides)

Erica (was 36)- I'm glad that I had time to be spontaneous, go out with friends, and travel before having kids -- it's a lot harder to get out of the house and do things when you have a baby. And I feel like I'm a better person for having had the experiences I did before having Lena. I just hope that she'll feel the same way and that she'll keep me young.

40s

-Having a baby in your 40s is common these days, and the majority of older mothers have totally normal pregnancies. Still, the risk of complications rises after age 40.
-This is crazy: If you're physically fit, eat well, and don't have preexisting health conditions such as diabetes or hypertension, your overall risk of other pregnancy complications isn't markedly higher than that of a woman in her 20s or 30s.
-The self-confidence and perspective you've picked up in your life may make you more patient in dealing with a demanding newborn.

Story:

Andrea (was 44)-Down sides: My friends' children are now in college, so I'm completely out of sync! They went through all the sleepless nights and playdates and pediatrician appointments years ago -- and I'm just starting. I honestly don't feel my age at all, but I realize that as I get older it's going to become more challenging.

I thought being older would mean that I'd be more prepared for motherhood. I was centered, had traveled extensively, had eaten in all the best restaurants, and had bought all the clothes I wanted. But honestly, the experience of the two of them brings me to my knees. I wouldn't have been more prepared at 144.

As of now I'm saying the perfect age is..... (Drumroll please)...... 30!! Not in 30s but 30. That'll give me another 7 years to get where I want to be in my career, hopefully have a Master's Degree, and I'll have been married for *gasp* 12 years!! -Do I think that'll happen? No, but as of today,that's my story and I'm sticking to it. (Ask me again tomorrow).

I'd love to hear your stories!! I'd love to see personal examples from people in 20s 30s and 40s! (Or opinions of why you'd prefer one over another).

-Also, if you'd like to read more about pregnancy in each age group here's a few more articles.

The Urge

Why am I even contemplating creating spawn? I'm asking myself the same question. About two and a half years ago I worked at a credit union in Utah County. I worked with several other women who were a year or two older than me. I only worked there for a month, but just about everyday we'd get into a conversation about having kids. They pretty much wanted to get pregnant right then and there. I, on the other hand couldn't understand why. I couldn't wrap my brain around the idea of having a child at 22 or 23. It just seemed so young to me. I didn't want to hear the excuse "when you get older complications... blah blah blah" cause we all know the serious risk isn't until you're in your mid 30s. I know marriage can get... Mundane if you let it, after a few years. I've been married four years (on Tuesday!) and while we have a lot of fun together I can imagine it being more fun and entertaining with a little one.

Now when I stop and really think about why I want to have a kid relatively soon (2010, I'll be 25) I can only think of a few honest reasons:
1. It's going to be dang cute... I try not to say this too much cause I'm afraid I'll jinx myself into a weird-looking baby. But seriously, I can't wait to see what a little mini-us looks like. It's exciting.
2. No more boring life. Sometimes I'm mad cause I wish my car could be a transformer or my husband was a vampire... You know, the cool stuff. I easily get bored if I don't have a lot of things on my plate... Have a baby... problem solved!

3. Everyone else is doing it! (Aka: I'm jealous)

Sounds like the best reasons to have a kid right?

Aren't I suppose to feel like "I want to learn what it's like to sacrifice" "I want to learn patience" "I am excited to take care of another soul" "I'm ready to say goodbye to the life of a young free flying bird that goes wherever she pleases only worrying about my adjacent soulmate"? I'm not sure I'm--No, wait... I KNOW I'm not ready for any of that. But I've still got the urge!

It's like I'm hypnotized! I asked my husband for a blessing so I wouldn't be hypnotized anymore and he just laughed at me!

On the other hand, when I do the math and calculate that having a child at 27 would be a great wonderful age, but another 4 years seems like so long! What the heck am I going to do with myself for another 4 years? I love my husband but heck... I may get bored! I guess I can work on advancing more in my career, but do you even understand how hard it is seeing all of your friends having cute little kids and posting cute little stories and stuff? On one hand I want that too, but on the other hand, I think "I WILL have that too, just not now, and when I do, their kids will be bratty teenagers." But really, that's just to make myself feel better.

Why now? What is it that makes me want a kid so soon? And how in the world do I keep myself from jumping on the bandwagon?

Last week one of my dear friends called me asking the same questions so we talked about "the urge." Talking things through with her made me think I should take my own advice: Make personal goals to achieve before having kids, make plans to do things as a couple, maybe things you couldn't do with kids. Basically keep busy, and enjoy the time without kids because this is the one and ONLY ever time you have with just you and your spouse. Really, it's the ONLY time you'll have that... EVER (without having to worry about babbysitters and what not). Consider yourself special, because you have what many married couples don't... being childfree. And once you start you can't go back, ever ever ever EVER!

The thing that helps me the most is really realizing that and really trying to enjoy this young married couple time we have now, and living it to the fullest. I hope that works.

Any other tips?

The Temptations

I just saw this adorable little thing at Footlocker. Little Jordan's! A must have for
my little male spawn. Yes, I think I'm going to be THAT mom. Better save up.

-Sent from my iPhone

The Resolutions

2008 was a good year for me. Here are some of the things I did:

-I adopted my puppy Snoop
-Graduated college, and spoke at my graduation ceremony
-Continued reporting for a station in Salt Lake City and quit before I could get laid off.
-I got a new (better) job as an anchor/reporter in the WARM city of Austin, Texas.
-Became a suga mama
-Learned how to sew
-Started a dog collar business (still trying to make my money back)
-Made new friends
-Got an iPhone :o)
-Celebrated my 4 year anniversary
-Started "monthly mini-vacations" with my hub-a-lub
-Cried less
-Grew up more
-Became an avid blogger

This year I hope to:

-Learn how to cook
-Eat better
-Give up caffeine
-Read the good books daily
-Go on more real vacations
-Enjoy one of the last years without spawn
-Learn Yoga
-Exercise more (aka ever)
-Keep a good blogging streak
-Volunteer more
-Babysit
-Be a better wife
-Get back into the habit of writing a daily journal
-Start a gratitude journal
-Pray more
-Be brutally honest
-*Get knocked up


*= maybe

I have a feeling 2009 has a lot in store for me. Between my three blogs and two journals, I'll have a lot of stuff to look back and read. Moving to a new place for the first time in 5 years has been a new challenge for me, but I think it'll give me the opportunity to grow in ways I didn't know. Hopefully 2009 will bring me growth in my career, marriage, relationships and spirituality.

Cheers to 2009!

The Surrogate

20/20 is giving me a lot of blog material lately. I came across a story the other day about a woman who had 3 kids of her own and 8 kids for other people. She's a Serial Surrogate and says giving the baby she carried to the parents who couldn't carry it themselves is the best present she can give.

She became a surrogate mother when she was looking for a job she could do from home so she could spend time with her 3 young children. She says she loves being pregnant, and loves the attention she gets as a pregnant woman.

While you get $25K-$40K per pregnancy something tells me that's not worth it (that's in the U.S., interestingly enough in Britain the surrogate mother can't be paid for more than "reasonable expenses due to pregnancy"). I've never experienced pregnancy but from what I've seen and heard it's not too pretty. I'm not sure how "life threatening" it is but putting yourself at that kind of health risk for someone seems like it could be a really hard challenge. Would you or could you do it?

Supposedly the people she carries the baby for are couples who just can't carry their own child... as in the embryo is theirs. Do you think there's anything morally wrong with that? Personally, I don't. I mean, I think it would be hard to sacrifice that much for someone else but I don't think it's wrong.

I'm not gonna lie. It's crossed my mind before... The thought of hiring a surrogate (yea, I'm a hypocrite I know). I didn't think long an hard about it but at one point in time I thought "yea, hire someone else to do all the work. Sweet!" Now I don't think that's an option I'd consider unless I medically couldn't carry my own child. I definitely think I'd consider adoption first--But let's pray I am not limited to choose either.

Either way I thought it was a very interesting story. Myself being a journalist, I find people like this very intriguing and if I ever meet a being like this I'd trap them and ask them 20 questions.
Here's the report:

The Trip That Could Change My Life

Ok maybe I'm being a little mellow dramatic. Did I say next week in my previous post? My bad! Cause I meant this Saturday!! I'm going on a cruise with my husband. We're going to the Caribbean. I've been looking forward to this for years! It's a 7 night cruise. The reason I say it could change my life is because I think this could be a determining moment where I decide whether I'm loving the life without kids and want to travel and focus on my career for a little longer... Or that I love seeing all the cute families together on the ship and yearn for that "family completeness."

I've completed my shopping, including a different bikini (oh scandalous I know, but might as well enjoy my hot body while it lasts) for each day, and a nice dress for dinner each night. Saying I'm excited would be an understatement. My bags are already packed and I am so ready for this, I'm just really interested in knowing how I'll feel about a family when I come back.

Right now I'm really in a complacent mood. I'm feeling "what's the rush?" I mean really, I've met a lot of great women who waited until they were in their 30s to start having children and their kids are healthy, and they have more time to spend with them. Lord knows I've had my money struggles, but most of all I want to have the time to spend with my kids and sometimes time = money. And for the record, I love my career but not enough to put in before my family. I know I'll never have "enough money" either but it's not about career or money as much as it is about me feeling young and not quite mentally stable ready (which you may be grasping from some of my earlier posts).

But we'll see what happens. I really don't feel compelled one way or another right now. I still love browsing through the baby section but I don't feel the urge I normally feel. I just feel... Fine.

I'm finding it's really nice being able to express my feelings about the matter here. Being open and honest about it has really given me a chance to stop and think things through.

I'm excited for this trip, and I'm excited to see how I feel about this whole child situation when I get back!

The Jealous Factor

Some of my friends here in Austin don't believe I have lots of friends who are married with kids but I dedicate this blog to the proof. And they make me sick! Ok... Not really but look...

Take Exhibit A for example. This is my friend Kristen and her family. Her little boy is 2 years old and such a cutie! Don't they look like they're living a life of bliss.

Exhibit A

Now let's look below to Exhibit B. Tanya and I have been friends since high school. She moved into my ward a long long time ago and we've keep in touch since. Now mostly through blogging. I remember when she told me she was pregnant with this little one and now #2 is cooking. Young, beautiful, mom.

Exhibit B

Just when you think it couldn't get any better we're brought to Exhibit C. The Cooks. I worked with Jamie while attending BYU. She was the cutest pregnant TV show host you'd ever see! I was one of her successors but I don't think my belly ever looked as adorable as hers.Exhibit C

Mind you all of these women are 25 or younger! So my Austin friends, you can stop makin' me feel like I'm the only young person in the world crazy for getting married young and contemplating spawning.

Oh and trust me, there's more where that came from, here's a few more:

And really, it doesn't end! I'll just stop now so I don't seem like a complete picture stalker psycho.

Is it just me or does youthful spawning automatically give you a gorgeous aura?

The Trip--Parte Uno

As we're waiting to board our flight from Austin to Orlando an older man approaches me an asks: "Excuse me miss. Do you happen to know what the abbreviation L-M-A-O stands for?"

I stared at him for a moment trying to figure out if he's being serious. "Yes," I confirmed. He waited for a more specific answer, so I gave in.
"Laughing My Ass Off." I told him.
"Oh," he chuckled. "So it's kind of an extension of Laughing Out Loud?"
"Yea..."

That's when I knew this was going to be an interesting vacation.

We arrived and went through the check-in process fairly quickly. Then it was time to strut my stuff and eat all I could.

The days and nights of being with the hub-a-lub 24/7 were NOT taken for granted. I'm talking no interruptions, made our own schedule, did whatever the heck we wanted with no worries in the back of our minds kind of FUN. Trust me, I did not take that for granted for one second.

We woke up early, ate breakfast, then strolled the streets of the Bahamas, snorkeled and kayaked in the beautiful blue waters.

We shopped, we talked, we ate, slept, then later we danced and ate some more. And this wasn't just any food. I'm talking four to five course meal ranging from the most delicious steak you'd ever sink your teeth into, to the most delicate and delightful lobster tail you'd ever taste. Oh, and don't forget the chocolate melting cake for dessert... My FAVORITE!

We did go to the gym... Ok I only went once, it was dreadful. But I did play dodgeball with the boys! Our team barely lost the matches 3-4.

Sunday, the second night was the Night of Elegance. I loved getting dressed to the nine and showing off my hunk. We stood out because we were so young compared to most of the other couples (no joke, I think the average age on this ship was 50), and we... Well, we stand out.

The first few days I didn't have an ounce of envy for the families I saw scrambling around. I saw kids running rampid, stress on mothers' faces. Things I can happily wait years to deal with.

But around the third night my attitude began to change. I scanned through the pictures from the few days before and stopped at this one. A picture we took during sunset on the Night of Elegance. "I look like a grown woman." I thought aloud. I feel and am very young but I was surprised at my happiness in the fact that I'm beginning to look as mature as I sometimes feel. Maybe it was the shadows, or the dress I was wearing. Or perhaps it was the handsome man I was posing with. Whatever it was, it made this the first picture I've seen of myself where I feel as if I look like I could be a mom.

That night I fell asleep dreaming of a child of our own.