The Flashback

I came across a blog post I wrote years ago, not long after I got married. It was titled "What's wrong with women these days?"(I say "was" because in a recent rampage I must have deleted every post I had made). I went on and on about how crazy I thought people were for getting married and having kids right after being so young. My friends... Lots of them, were having kids! I said how I wanted to at least finish school first, have a degree or two. Have a house, have traveled with my husband, be successful in my career. I know... Sounds selfish right? Well, I still stand behind most of what I said. It is still weird knowing that most of my friends have children and/or are pregnant, but part of me (a very small one) can relate.

I have my house, I'm established in my career, have four years of marriage under my belt, and practice with a puppy. I'm still only 22 though (23 in January), and most of my friends in my new town think I'm crazy every time I even mention the "B" word.

Right now I'm thinking my plan is to have a kid by 2010, or in 1 year and 10 months to be exact. In that time I'm hoping my husband will complete school and I'll have some healthy habits established and be ready for the plunge. Of course plans do change, and I'll be sure to note my monthly change of mind.

I was planning on applying to graduate school this year but this book called "How to study for the GRE" scared me away. That's still something I'm wanting to go for, and I'm hoping it can be done with spawn.

And lastly... The car. "Lexus before little ones" or "Beemers before babies" were little sayings I made up to keep me focused on my goals. Oh you'd better believe I'm still getting my car... Just maybe not until my next promotion.
But instead of this sporty version I'm thinking of something a little more family friendly

The Resolutions

2008 was a good year for me. Here are some of the things I did:

-I adopted my puppy Snoop
-Graduated college, and spoke at my graduation ceremony
-Continued reporting for a station in Salt Lake City and quit before I could get laid off.
-I got a new (better) job as an anchor/reporter in the WARM city of Austin, Texas.
-Became a suga mama
-Learned how to sew
-Started a dog collar business (still trying to make my money back)
-Made new friends
-Got an iPhone :o)
-Celebrated my 4 year anniversary
-Started "monthly mini-vacations" with my hub-a-lub
-Cried less
-Grew up more
-Became an avid blogger

This year I hope to:

-Learn how to cook
-Eat better
-Give up caffeine
-Read the good books daily
-Go on more real vacations
-Enjoy one of the last years without spawn
-Learn Yoga
-Exercise more (aka ever)
-Keep a good blogging streak
-Volunteer more
-Babysit
-Be a better wife
-Get back into the habit of writing a daily journal
-Start a gratitude journal
-Pray more
-Be brutally honest
-*Get knocked up


*= maybe

I have a feeling 2009 has a lot in store for me. Between my three blogs and two journals, I'll have a lot of stuff to look back and read. Moving to a new place for the first time in 5 years has been a new challenge for me, but I think it'll give me the opportunity to grow in ways I didn't know. Hopefully 2009 will bring me growth in my career, marriage, relationships and spirituality.

Cheers to 2009!

The Countdown Pt1

As I continue my countdown towards turning the baby making machine 'ON' I've decided to up my "to do" list. Yea, some of the stuff on my bucket list I can do while pregnant or when the spawn is born, but I really want to get on as much as I can now. I feel like I'm probably able to cross a few more things off. I think I'm pretty dang good with God right now, although I really would like to have a full-month's worth (habit forming) of nightly diligent scripture reading to feel 100% accomplished.... I'm getting there.

The food storage is coming along. I have no idea how much 3 months worth is, but I have a lot of "just add water" MREs and other crap we can use... If I get a humongous tank of water stored somewhere I'll probably feel pretty fulfilled in that category (you know where I can get that/store that?)

I'm on and off with cooking but hubby is helping more with that lately. I joined a freezer meal group which is helping with that. I have the food in the freezer... Haven't actually cooked the meals yet. But hey... At least they keep!

Still not forming any sort of habit of walking/running. Hubs has been taking Snoop for daily walks so it's left me with no desire to do more, although this week I've already taken him twice. I plan on beginning my real tackle on that next week month. I read it's a good idea to have a regular exercise routein BEFORE getting knocked up, that way you can keep it up while pregnant.

If you read this post, you know I'm not eating that much better yet. My trip to New York is seeming unlikely, the dance class... Even more so. *sigh* I suck.

If that wasn't enough, I found another great article with things I want to do starting NOW to prepare.

Here's a few things the article says are good to check out 6 months to a year before turning your Baby Making Machin' "On"
1. Check-ups. Gotta head to the doctor, just to make sure we're as healthy as we feel (most of the time). We have insurance but haven't been to the doctor in AGES. Might as well take advantage of that free annual checkup! I also need to figure out if I'm healthy, in shape enough, how my blood pressure is, and just ask questions regarding pre-knocked up procedures. I've been researching a family doctor, I think I've found one I may like.
2. SPREAD 'EM! Ladies, you know what I mean! I just had my yearly trip to my crotch doc. And all was swell then! I think I can check this off my list now ;op
3. Talk it out. I'll talk things through with docs... Do I have the tumor I think I have? Am I on the verge of a stroke? Heart attack? Sometimes I don't know... Sometimes I feel like I have an ulcer, a punctured uterus... (remember I'm a hypochondriac) the docs will help me know what's real and what's not, and hopefully give a thumbs up. Also, it'll be a good idea to figure out what I should and shouldn't do relating to work, fires, pig crap, molded homes, 80 pound equipment, dead bodies... I have a crazy job people!
4. Stick me! I've had the chickenpox already... What other things do I need to make sure I'm immune to? Rubella? Do I really need to check for that?
5. Checking my family tree. What kind of genetic problems run in my family, anything I should be aware of? I don't think Cystic fibrosis and sickle cell anemia run in my family but if they do I should be aware, maybe get tested. This can be tricky cause I mean... I've gotta be sneaky. It's a little obvious to ask "so mom, what kind of birth defects run in our family?"
6. Go to the dentist! I haven't been in about 10 months and if I need any major work and main medicine I want to get it all done BEFOREHAND. I set up appointments for both of us for next week!

Hmm, this list seems to be kind of long. Anything else I may be missing? Something you with you had thought of a year or so before turning your baby makin' machine on? Or am I just over thinking this? Better safe than sorry right?

The Miracle

I've crossed another item off my Baby Bucket List... Possibly the most difficult one to accomplish, it's really a miracle, and you're know what I mean if you're read THIS... I feel comfortable in the kitchen.

I'm trying not to get my hopes too high... It's only been a few items, but a few items is better than no times right? I've made four meals... three from scratch in the last two weeks... And trust me this is A HUGE accomplishment (if you've read this blog or know me you know what I mean)!

We had a couple from church over last week and they ate my Stromboli. I got the recipe from a friend at work. She let me copy it out of a little magazine she had and said she made it and it was pretty easy. I went through and copied several recipes. Here's how I decide if I'm going to cook something.

1. Does the picture looks good? If "yes" then go to #2

2. How many ingredients are needed? If more than six it's out of the question. If six or less, go to #3.

3. Do I understand all of the ingredients? This one is tricky because most of the time the answer is "no," but if I can figure it out using my "Goggle" and "phone-a-friend" lifelines then I'll usually give it a go.

The Stromboli barely passed... I didn't understand garlic cloves, and almost used two entire garlic heads instead of what the recipe called for... Two minced garlic cloves. Luckily, my MIL bailed me out before it was too late. Above was the finished product (but in leftover form).

Sunday was casserole day at my job. I had been craving peach cobbler and we needed some dessert stuff so I decided to try to make peach cobbler. I looked up a recipe on allrecipes.com, found an easy one and had hubby go get the ingredients for me while I was at work Saturday. This morning I threw it all together and it turned out yummy!!

It's actually FUN for me to cook now! Looking for recipes is a little time consuming but I've found when I'm craving something, or get a good review about something, I'll give it a try! My favorite part about cooking is having people say they like my stuff... Including hubby. He has been really nice and helped me get all of the stuff together, he even helped me make the Stromboli.

My skill is definitely a work in progress but I'm feeling more comfortable now and actually enjoying it. It's also making me feel more "motherly" which is fun. That way when my kids are too old for breast milk I may actually be able to make them solid food.

So come on friends! Send me your favorite recipes and sites! I'm all for trying them out now! And thanks for all of your encouragement in the past, it's really helped.

The "Natural" Family Planning Technique

WARNING: Some of the information contained in this post may or may not gross you out. So if you're a guy (specifically my husband) or if you find human sexual anatomy gross in any way, you may not want to read anymore. Consider yourself warned.

I've heard this called many athings. I've heard "not trying, not preventing," which in my book, IS trying--Which I may have been accused of in this post. But I beg to differ... I think people who may say "I'm not prevention at all, but leaving it up to the Lord" in turn will probably wind up pregnant, while those of us who are preventing still but say "If it still happens than maybe it was the Lord's will" is kind of a logical statement. I think if you're using SOME form of protection/prevention then you're not expecting to get pregnant. However, I do understand that my methods now may not be as effective, I'm still doing my best to stay un-pregnant.

One way I'm doing that is researching the Natural Family Planning or "NFP" method and/or the Fertility Awareness or "FAM" method. For now, I've just been mapping it all using the rhythmic method. I've been charting my days and what not and have been trying to avoid--(Ya know)--on certain days. I even downloaded a free iPhone application from Fertility Friend to keep track. It's REALLY helpful! Their website is nice too.
I've also heard of the ovulation/billings method, which seems a little more complex and takes more effort. You watch more for signs from your body, take your temperature a lot and check all sorts of nasty anatomy stuff. I bought a basal thermometer that I'm hoping to try to use, and map out my minor degree changes from day to day. If anything this should be a fun experiment right?

Here's my plan: Track as much as I can so I know what days to AVOID, and in turn, when it's baby makin' time, hopefully I'll have it down. But for now, I'll try to count and figure out the days, and keep using the magic gel (every time regardless) and hope I don't wind up pregnant for at least a few more months. I hear these methods work pretty well when used correctly.
I'm actually interested in finding more books on this topic. I know a lot of my friends tried this because they don't like hormones. Most of them are pregnant now, but I think it's because they weren't trying hard enough. At least that's what I'm telling myself so I have the confidence to make it though.

I hear this way of tracking is great for when you're TTC too because you'll know your cycle very well. Part of me doesn't get that though... Can't you just do it every day? That's one way to try to make a baby. At least that covers all of your bases! That's my plan at least.

I dunno, what do you think? Have you tried this method before? It work for you? Have any books or sites to recommend?

The Baby Bucket List

I never dedicated a post to this topic, and now that I'm mentally going back and forth on timing, and with pressure more than ever from my best friend--who first wanted me to wait to have a baby when she did... Then said I could go ahead and she'd catch-up on the second... Now knocked up herself and pressuring me to hurry up and do the same (love you girl)--I've decided to really think about what I want--And what I think is possible FOR ME to handle before and after a baby.

First, the would likes. These are things that aren't absolutely necessary, but I would like to have them done before I even get pregnant.
-Shape up: I really hope I can do this, I kind of feel like it's now or never. I'm trying to get into a habit of running with Snoop every day but it's really hard for me to get motivated!
-Take a dance class with my hubby: The reason I say before I'm pregnant is because I doubt I'll have time to do after we have a baby and I think I'll have a lot on my mind when I am, and less energy to talk him into it.
-Swim with dolphins: I'm not sure they allow pregnant women to do this so I'd like to do it either before, or way later when my kids can do it too.
-Take the GRE: I think if I don't do it now I won't do it for a long time, and I'd rather attempt to study cram now and possibly go to grad school cause I know I'll be more distracted once babies come along.
-Visit New York City: I could do this while I'm pregnant but I'd rather not be on the phat end of my pregnancy. I'm actually hoping to go this fall, so I can cross it off my list.
-Start grad school: I'm not sure how I'll do this as fast as I'd like but I'd love to get a Master's Degree just so I have more options later in life.

Some things that I would like to have done before I have a child, but I could complete them while I'm pregnant, or possibly even after having a baby.
-Feel comfortable in the kitchen: I'm there for the most part. I like cooking now, and I only hope to get better before and after pregnancy and kids.
-Have a 3-month food supply: I'm getting there as well. I have been busing water jugs and pasta every time I'm at the store, and I have a lot of MREs so hopefully we're almost there.
-Learn Yoga: I really want to do this because I hear it's helpful during pregnancy for stretching, and it's relaxing. I think it'll be a nice activity for a stressed mind.
-Visit Trinidad: My hubby lived there for a year on his mission, and apparently my ancestors are from that country. I'd love to take an exotic vacation there, but I also wouldn't mind bringing our kids along one day if we could afford it.

Some things that I would absolutely like to have done before having a child and possibly even before I get pregnant.
-Get REALLY good with God: I'm good with God. He and I, we have a good relationship. But I'd really like to have a plan down of visiting the temple more, reading my scriptures daily... All that good stuff.
-Eat better: I'm already starting to do this, but I'd really like to be in a habit of eating well so it's easy to continue while I'm pregnant. I worry if I can't do it now, I won't be able to later.
-Get my dental work done: Nothing too drastic, just figure out how many cavities I really have and get them filled before it's too late.

A few other things I'd like to have done ASAP just to make my life easier would be:
-Complete grad school: Like stated above
-Out of debt: We don't have student loans or credit card debt but I'd like to pay off our only "real debt"...our second car.
-Sell my condo: If I wait until this happens it'll be at least another year and a half. Luckily we have a wonderful renter to help with the mortgage but I'd feel even better if I DIDN'T OWN IT!
-Buy another house: I don't want to do it until our condo now is sold but I'd REALLY like to have a house of our own again before we have a kid, preferably my dream house, in a place we'd like to call home forever, because I hate moving.
-Have my own company (or lots of freelance work) on the side, or something to that effect that I could eventually solely do from home.

As I look at this overwhelming list I wonder how long it will take and when it'll be possible. I actually hoped next month at one point, then maybe December, but now, dwelling over this... Who knows!

I'm really discouraged and wondering how long I should wait. Maybe another 5 years wouldn't be so bad... Jeez. I wonder if I could suppress the urge that long. Some days the urge overpowers everything, but then there are days when I dwell on these things and it squashes my baby dreams for awhile. I know having (most of) these things first isn't more important than having a family but sometimes I wonder how specific the order needs to be. I'll be better off for sure if I complete some of these tasks first. I could focus more on my family when the time comes, and probably have less struggles and frustrations, but would my internal frustrations until then be stronger?

To make myself feel better I'm going to list what I feel like I've accomplished and blessings I've recieved in nearly 5 years that's prepared me for a child.
-Earned enough scholarships to pay for college and then some
-Graduated from college (with a 3.3 and I'm very proud of that)
-Bought and paid off my (crappy) car a year later
-Bought a another reliable, safe (possibly family) car that we hope to drive FOREVER!
-After 3 years finally convinced my husband we should get a dog (good practice)
-Bought a condo
-Got several jobs building up my career
-Have several months worth of savings
-Practiced babysitting lots of cute kiddos
-Gone on two cruises as a couple and several vacations (couple time important)
-Signed a contract at a news station in a city with warm weather
-Got TIVO (yes, this was actually on our baby bucket list)
-Signed up for premuim health insurance which is for the most part da bomb dot com!
-Began to like to cook
-Started collecting food storage
-Eating less french fries (hey, it's hard, it's my favorite food)
-Found a church ward we LOVE and started a calling I adore
-Searched pondered and prayed A LOT about expanding our family

Ok I'm depressed now. Were/are your baby bucket lists this long? How did you decided to proceed?

The Questions I'm Asking Myself

As I inch closer and closer day by day towards the goal of switching the baby-makin machine "ON", I find myself asking few questions over and over:
"For real?": Am I really going to take the leap to try to change my life FOREVER? To jump off the realms of just regular womanhood into the depths of motherhood?
"Am I ready?": Ok, maybe I'm more "ready" than a lot of people... especially those who have the "oops" cases, oh, and those girls on 16 and Pregnant. But really... Am I ready to be a mom? Mom--I can't imagine being called that! WEIRD!
"What's the rush?": I don't know the answer to this one. I just know I want to be a mom, and I think I'd be a good mom, and that I love my husband and we'd make a good team. Why do all of this now?--I don't know. I know my biological clock isn't exactly ticking. Maybe it's just nature telling me it's time? Of course my pregnant friends don't help any, but hey... I wanted it first!

I'm not sure why I don't want to wait another year or two...Why I feel like I can't. Why is that?! I'm sure once I have a baby I'll look back wondering why I was in such a hurry... Or perhaps I'll wonder why I waited so long. I hope the latter is the case.

And then every once in awhile this question pops into my mind...
"What am I THINKING?!": I don't know. I see the things my friends with new babies are going through. The sleepless nights. The crankiness, the loss of sexual appetite, the loss of romance. And I STILL want to do this?! I hope the occasional fear that crosses into my mind, and sometimes out my mouth diminishes... And that I'm not getting cold feet.

Is this normal?

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!

Last year I wrote a list of things I hoped to accomplish this year, and posted it on my blog, here's what it said and how I did:

This year (last year) I hope(d) to:

-Learn how to cook I learned a few recipes, but need to learn more!
-Eat better ... Until I got pregnant (Spawnie's fault!)
-Give up caffeine
-Read the good books daily - I SUCKED at this. But I did have a good streak in the middle/ toward the end of the year.
-Go on more real vacations Trip out west, vacation on a lake, and Caribbean cruise, Chicago, Atlanta, not bad!
-Enjoy one of the last years without spawn best year of marriage so far!
-Learn Yoga Started in August!
-Exercise more (aka ever)- Still working on a daily routine.
-Keep a good blogging streak It's been fun!
-Volunteer more- I can do better
-Babysit And I did this A LOT more than I thought I would
-Be a better wife- Can do better.
-Get back into the habit of writing a daily journal- I did it on and off, but does blogging count?
-Start a gratitude journal- Still need to work on.
-Pray more Happy to say I have!
-Be brutally honest- I'm not sure what I meant by this, but I don't like this resolution...
-*Get knocked up It was a maybe but I did it!

*= maybe

So I did a lot, but there's still a lot to work on! 2010 I hope to:
-Prepare to be a good mom
-Learn how to cook more healthy meals for my family
-Take a prenatal yoga class
-Create and stick with a fitness plan
-Take a birthing class with my husband
-Have a healthy baby
-Save enough money to be able to take a full maternity leave
-Not totally neglect Snoop because of Spawnie
-Visit New York City
-Write in my gratitude journal
-Learn how to sew baby things
-Finish all of the hairbows I owe people for donating to March of Dimes (by Jan/Feb)
-Keep enjoying blogging, don't make it "work"
-Visit the temple more
-Read my scriptures daily
-Prepare and execute weekly family home evenings
-Find ways to serve others
-Enjoy being a new mom

So there you have it! My list is longer, and funny how so much is about "mommy" stuff! WEIRD! What are your resolutions?

2012

Three weeks ago I didn't understand why moms would say it's hard to go to the bathroom or take a shower in peace once you have a child. I didn't understand how nursing can be so much easier than feeding my child formula.

A year ago I had changed hundreds of other people's babies' diapers, but it wasn't until these past few weeks that I got to experience changing a diaper in the pitch black middle of the night while half asleep.
Three weeks ago I was jaded, thinking I'd be completely different from other moms I had witnessed, and "in control" of my emotions. As prepared as I thought I was, I'm learning my perception on how things would be was way off.

Three weeks ago I had never looked into the eyes of my child and had no idea what it felt like to love someone this much. I wasn't prepared for that kind of attachment. The way I love my husband is different, this is a love I can't control, it consumes me.

About a year ago I wrote about my impression of stay at home moms, and asked what it was like. "The hardest job in the world," people told me. What was so hard about it?

This week I applied my makeup and straightened my hair with one arm, while nursing my daughter in the other. I dropped everything I was working on to mend her cries. I toted her into the bathroom with me while I took a shower so she wouldn't have to cry alone in her bed, and so the sound of the water running would soothe her. I had no problem shutting babies I babysat outside the bathroom door and letting them cry for a few moments while I used the restroom, but three weeks ago I learned I couldn't bare to do that to my own child.--Fearing she'd feel like I'm abandoning her by not immediately tending to her needs.

She cries when we're in the car for too long, and it's the worst feeling in the world not being able to help her.

To me, the duties of feeding, watching, cleaning and holding my child aren't what's hard about being a mother. What makes the job more difficult than anything I've ever done is the undying love I can't tame.

Several months ago a woman told me I'd be begging to go back to work partway through my maternity leave--That work outside the home is so much easier. I know it's only been three weeks, but as of now I couldn't disagree more. My role as a mother won't end just because I'm outside of the home for 8-10 hours a day. I'll still wonder, worry, pump and love, then still attend to her needs when I get home.

A few days ago another woman told me my mind may change after I've been at home with my daughter for 6 months. Unfortunately I won't have the chance to know.

Six weeks partial pay--That's what I, and many women I know get for maternity leave. Plus an additional optional six weeks I've opted to take at the expense of forfeiting six weeks of any pay. I can't imagine going back to work in another three weeks.

Luckily, my husband will be home to watch and take care of her when I do finally go back to work full time, but right now I can't even bare to leave him alone with her--A fear I'll need to overcome soon.

I'm not going to argue whether working outside, inside, or solely as a mother at home is more or less difficult than any of the other. That's not what it's about. All I know is that for me, myself, my family and I, working inside the home would be a dream come true.

Having this new found love makes it nearly impossible to imagine leaving her daily for a job that feels insignificant compared to her. But in order to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads it's necessary for the time being.

I knew this when we chose to move forward with expanding our family now, rather than years from now. But I'm hoping to change that in the next couple of years.

I watched The Secret, and I know when you have a goal, one part of making it a reality is telling others, and "sending it out to the universe," so I'm doing that now!

By 2012 I want to be able to still do what I do best and work from home. I'm hoping, praying and wishing for it all to work out. It'll take a lot to make it a reality but if it's meant to be it'll be, and I can't help but feel like that's what I'm suppose to do.

***

Random.org winner of maid service: #74: Natalie from Our Old Southern House. Congrats! I'll email you the code!

Thinking aloud

Have you ever had something come to you and you can't get it out of your head? Something you've really wanted to do? A goal you've had? In the past I guess graduating college, starting my career and having a baby were some of these things, but between all of that, there's been something else lingering in the back of my mind.

It started with a dream. I have very vivid dreams every single night. Most of the time I remember them. I've though of keeping a dream journal but haven't seen the point as when I wake up and tell my husband, mom--or whoever will listen about the dream I had, I usually end up feeling stupid about it, and wonder where the heck my slumber thoughts are coming from. The funny thing is they make so much sense to me when I'm in them, but when I wake up an explain it, I sound like a lunatic.

Well a few years ago I had a weird dream and told several people about it. I thought if I could build upon it, it could even make a good book. I sat down and wrote a few pages then gave up and started on new things. This blog being one of them.

But this dream and book idea has been in the back of my mind for years now. I've always thought it would be so neat to write a book someday. If only I had something good to write about. A good idea. I've thought of somehow transforming my blog into a book but I know so many people who do that--Or try to do that, and I honestly don't know why anyone would want to pay to read my blog in book form. Besides, right now I'm more interested in fiction.

I don't think I'm a great writer. I write for my job but it's so different than fictional writing and so more conversational and elementary. I don't have the skills to write something that could be published someday, but I still think trying (to write, not get published) would be fun to do.

Before having my daughter I dabbled with the idea of applying to graduate school for creative writing. My company has excellent benefits and would even pay for it. Now isn't the time to start a graduate degree, but I did find a creative literature class as a local community college and am considering signing up in the near future. I think it would be such a fun way to explore this passion that's been burning inside me for a while. Even if nothing big ever comes from it, I love to learn and I think the casual no-pressure experience of a class for fun could be good for me, and a good escape from my wife/mom duties. Some nice alone time.
I don't know.--I don't know if this is something I'll really do. I'm just thinking aloud.

"We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better." -J.K. Rowling

New Year goals past and present

Every year on my blog I've written New Years goals. I love having this blog as a journal cause it's so easy to go back and see what I was thinking three years ago.

Holy cow I used to be funny. Not sure what happened there.

So, let's see my goals from way back when.

2010 I made it easy on myself and did an update post saying this:


This year (last year)[2008] I hope(d) to:

-Learn how to cook I learned a few recipes, but need to learn more!-Eat better ... Until I got pregnant (Spawnie's fault!)
-Give up caffeine
-Read the good books daily - I SUCKED at this. But I did have a good streak in the middle/ toward the end of the year.-Go on more real vacations Trip out west, vacation on a lake, and Caribbean cruise, Chicago, Atlanta, not bad!
-Enjoy one of the last years without spawn best year of marriage so far!
-Learn Yoga Started in August!
-Exercise more (aka ever)- Still working on a daily routine.
-Keep a good blogging streak It's been fun!
-Volunteer more- I can do better
-Babysit And I did this A LOT more than I thought I would
-Be a better wife- Can do better.
-Get back into the habit of writing a daily journal- I did it on and off, but does blogging count?
-Start a gratitude journal- Still need to work on.
-Pray more Happy to say I have!
-Be brutally honest- I'm not sure what I meant by this, but I don't like this resolution...
-*Get knocked up It was a maybe but I did it!

*= maybe
So I did a lot, but there's still a lot to work on! 2010 I hope to:

[Present me [2012] chiming in here. In 2011 I never did an update post with the cool colors and strikes, so I'm adding this now]

-Prepare to be a good mom - Totally did this. Way better than I have been for #2.
-Learn how to cook more healthy meals for my family- I can't remember how I did in 2010. Pretty sure I sucked at it cause I still do now, though there was a non-sucking period at one point, I think it was in 2011.
-Take a prenatal yoga class- Did this... One class. That counts right?
-Create and stick with a fitness plan- The most popular resolution in the history of resolutions. 2010 I did better than 2011. I'll count that.
-Take a birthing class with my husband- Check! We took Lamaze, it was fun times.
-Have a healthy baby- A girl at that! Even better!
-Save enough money to be able to take a full maternity leave- Thanks goodness! Though 12 weeks still wasn't long enough.
-Not totally neglect Snoop because of Spawnie- Totally FAILED in 2010, but i'm happy to say 2011, particularly the month of December, was much better.
-Visit New York City- We did this! I went with my daughter to BlogHer.
-Write in my gratitude journal- What's that again? #Fail
-Learn how to sew baby things- Not even close in 2010, but 2011 I started ROCKING my Domestic Diva Skills.
-Finish all of the hairbows I owe people for donating to March of Dimes (by Jan/Feb)- Yay! My blood pressure goes up just remembering the anxiety that gave me.
-Keep enjoying blogging, don't make it "work"- 2010 it was more work than it was any other year. 2011 was better but I want to get back to this 2009 attitude.
-Visit the temple more- Ouch! This one was bad. Really really bad. Will need to re-goal this one.
-Read my scriptures daily- We did good reading the children's versions in 2011. Need to get back into the real deal.
-Prepare and execute weekly family home evenings- Technically, almost every evening is family home evening, but I should maybe try to make this more official.
-Find ways to serve others- Who made these goals? I used to be a nice person!
-Enjoy being a new mom- Oh yes I have. Never stopped.

Back to the present now. ... Are you following? It's 2012 again. Ok, so we're about to go back to the past but this time, to the beginning of 2011. Here were my goals, and how I'm analyzing them now:

More Photographs.- Umm. Yes. That's an understatement.
More interaction.-Yea, if you count my Facebook page. I chat yalls ears off over there.
Less comparing myself and my blog to others.- I did better than I did in 2010 but not where I want to be yet. Now I just compare myself to hot mama style bloggers. *sigh*
More honesty- What, did I think I was a liar? Not sure what I meant but I think I meant less "sponsored" stuff, which I was good about. 
Less big company reviews.- Hardly did any.
More supporting mom-owned shops- Did this for awhile, then just stopped giveaways almost completely.
Less arguing.- Oh yea, hardly any heated debates in 2011. Those are so lame.
More passion.- Yes. But need more.
More returning the comment love.- Sucked at this, but I just got too busy.
More giving back to charities (like we did for March of Dimes).- Did really bad at this too on my own blog, but I donated to other fundraisers people organized. I'll give it to you. I mean, me.

Sad I didn't make more personal goals. My goals for 2012 are going to be the best yet. Because this is going to be the best year ever. ... If the world doesn't end.

Here are my goals. I desperately want to elaborate on each one but I'll just save them for individual posts:

Write my blog like it's for just me and my best friend
Get on the other side of the [still] camera more
Do at least one random act of kindness a week
Go to church, even if it kills me
Shop (or make things) for myself
Read the scriptures like it's Twilight
Enter to win an award
Complete my "to do before #2" list
Make another baby (maybe)
Laugh more
Cook something for heaven's sakes! And keep cooking!
Get organized!
Print more photos
Do the food storage thing
Be nice to Snoop
Be a totally awesome mom

I purposely put some hard ones on there and focused more on my life than my blog because my life is more important and if I'm doing these things I'll have plenty to blog about. I'm really excited to tackle these then look back and see how I've done in 2013 (if we all survive that long).

Did you make some goals this year? I'd love to hear! Feel free to leave a link if you've written a post like this too.

Here's how it's 'bout to go down on my blog

My blog has been through so much over the past three years.

End of 2008-2009 Was a blast going on and on back and forth about becoming a mom, then finally getting pregnant about a year after starting my blog.

2010 Was full of pregnancy documentation, promotions, and exploring the world of reviews and giveaways. Toward the end of 2010 I realized that wasn't for me and pretty much went in the opposite direction in 2011 avoiding most at all costs.

Toward the end I think I found a happy medium, and I hope to continue that.

I sorta felt like I fell into a mid-blogging-life crisis for a little while. I didn't want my blog to ONLY be about my daughter, in fact I wanted it to be about ME and my experiences raising her. Not "she did this and she did that..." I also didn't want to be a blogger who writes sponsored posts all the time. I like to craft but I'm not a "craft blogger" and I'll never be a go-to site for the coolest crafts. Maybe cool crafts for dummies because my skill level is as such.

I like photography, and taking photos but I'm learning as I go. I'm no Pioneer Woman.

I actually don't really focus on anything. Which some blogging coaches would say is not good if you want to "grow your blog."

This made me take a step back and ask myself once again, why I'm blogging.

It sure as heck isn't to make money. Not on this here blog. That should take some pressure off, right?

I love keeping a journal and I'm going to be totally honest right now... I love knowing that people are actually reading it. People actually think my life is interesting/ crazy/ entertaining/a bad reality show they can't turn off. Either way, it's flattering.

Ok there I said it.

So now that I got that off my chest, I'm trying to find a balance between keeping fabulous people who like to read my blog, but not CARING if nobody is reading my blog. Let me explain...

I don't really pay attention to my blog stats anymore. I get a weekly email with how many people visited but other than glancing that over I don't pay attention to the analytics. I DO however, read each and ever comment and email I get and I get all happy and sappy when I get a big response to a post. The problem is the opposite is true when I get little to no response. I'm like "wait, where did everyone go?... They must hate me... Ok I shouldn't write about that anymore."

So one person may say that my no-sew tshirt dress tutorial helped them SO MUCH, but in my head I'm like "huh, one comment, people must think that's boring."

Then someone may email or facebook me saying they loved it, and I get excited again for them. It's an emotional roller coaster.

Ok, its not that bad. It's silly, but some of that it goes through my head. Especially cause I'm a hypocrite. Yea, I'll admit it. I don't comment on blogs I read as much as I should either. Actually last year was so busy it was an all-time low for visiting other blogs and commenting back.

Ok, I'm going on way too long about this. Anyway, point is, I may have thought up a solution to my problem.

If I'm going to be honest with myself, I'm not writing this blog JUST for myself. It's for myself, my daughter, my family, my friends, and all of the people who have written to me and said my experiences and words have helped them in some way. If more people discover my little corner of the Internet, its awesome. But I can't stress about it. This aint a job. In fact, it's more like free therapy.

SO... To find the balance between caring and not caring and going back to my frequent stream-consciousnesses posts I'm going to write as if I'm writing this blog for myself and my best friend.

Funny thing is, I don't think my best friend reads my blog.

You know who else doesn't read my blog? ... Aside from my husband. (He doesn't read it either (but he's not allowed to)). My mom. Jeez, now that I think about it no one reads my blog. Except you. Therefore you will be like the BFF I'm writing to from now on. I can be silly, share my secrets (but not the ones that could get me fired or divorced) introduce you to cool things I find, teach you how I made something new, tell you how much I love being a mom, and ask you what you think of my new outfit, or the photo I took this morning.

And I won't be sad if you don't respond right away because hey, we are busy people. And life gets in the way. I can totally relate. Even if you don't talk for a while, you know your BFF is still there whenever you need them, and you can pick back up right where you left off.

Another thing... Going through my blog rolls and old posts I noticed an extremely different crowd. It's like a class of Baby Making Machine readers graduated and I'm yapping to a new group of kids.

I feel bad having a blog roll when I can't add everyone. Especially when I'd most like to visit those who visit me and see what yall are all about because if you like me that means I'd probably like you too.

To solve this problem I got rid of my blog rolls on the sidebar and my friends link at the top. Now I can focus on getting to know visitors who want to be visited and make new blog friends. How will I know who you are, you ask? With my handy dandy stalker tracker of course. It'll email me your address and I can come visit your house and bring you cookies!

KIDDING OF COURSE!

My comments section will be like my daily blog roll. If you leave your link in your comment, or if it's attached to your name and you've updated within a month, I'll assume you don't mind me paying you a visit back. I've already been doing this since the start of the year and it's SO NICE visiting you back!

So there you have it! My blogging resolution to write as if this is for me and my BFF in a nutshell.

Reading the Scriptures like it's Twilight

Why is it that I can pick up a fiction novel and fly through it in a day but every time I touch my scriptures I'm satisfied with getting through a few versus? A few chapters and I feel like a champ.

This year one of my goals is to really FEAST on the words of Christ. I'm going pretty good so far. Well, sorta.

Good news is I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't read my leisure books until I read the scriptures. Bad news is I haven't been rewarded with my "fun book" yet. Which right now is the Percy Jackson and the Olympian series--Book three.

Good news is I've read The Good Book every night this week. Bad news is I haven't gotten through a full chapter before falling asleep.

My husband and I read all of the children's series with Lil' J last year and this year I'd like to start her on the real deal. Not sure where to begin but I guess it doesn't hurt to start with Genesis 1.I know she won't understand it but if we keep reading every night, eventually she'll start picking things up.

Family and personal study. Whew!! You know, I can't help but feel like if I had an iPad I'd be so much better at this. I could digitally highlight my favorite versus, read with the lights out, have them with me all the time... Hmmm.

It didn't used to be this hard for me. I think it's partly because now I have a billion things going on, it's harder for me to slow down and focus on something that's normally last on my to-do list.

Back when I was a good person, I would read the scriptures by searching for specific topics or stories in the index that I was interested in. I felt I learned more studying that way. Starting from the beginning can seem overwhelming. I'm not sure how specific I want to make this goal yet but I think if I'm reading something, anything, each night, I'll eventually get into a groove I like, so it doesn't feel like a chore.

Jeez Louise, this sounds horrible. But hey, at least I'm trying.


Do you have any kind of guides or helpful tips you follow to read the scriptures personally or with your family?

How Pinterest saved my marriage

Another one of my goals this year is to get organized. I think it's got to be the number two resolution of all time after getting fit. I don't care about my health. But I do care about dying in a house that's decked out with cute homemade crafts.

Via

I didn't used to be this way... Homes that are super clean and organized remind me of Stepford wives and I don't have time for that crap. Problem is, that was the number one thing my husband and I would argue about... Keeping our place clean.

I'll admit, he does more than his fair share of cleaning. All of the dishes, the laundry, the bathrooms, the vacuuming, the sweeping and mopping... Heck, writing that all out made me realize he does a lot. Ok, so maybe he has a reason to complain about having my crap everywhere.

Lil' J doesn't help either. Any progress I make with cleaning quickly gets destroyed by her tornado path. And after a long day of work, picking her up from school, then feeding, bathing, making lunches and organizing clothes for the next day, I'm beat and the last thing I feel like doing is clean. I want to sit on my butt and blog. Or edit photos. Or read a book. Or watch Teen Mom... Heck, anything but clean!

When I was pregnant and read the "nesting" chapter of my pregnancy book to my husband he laughed and said "you'll never do that!" Well, I proved him wrong. But that was pretty much the last time I wanted to clean. ...Until now.

... ENTER PINTEREST...

I joined Pinterest last year and spent the first while re-pinning clothes I liked, and clothes I found for Lil' J. Photos I liked, hair styles... Stuff like that. I quickly scrolled past the home decor pins I saw in my feed because "those aren't me" I thought.

Then I began to craft more, sew more, and my crafting area quickly turned into a swamp mess. Disorder everywhere. I tried to shove things in the corner of the living room/ my craft area and warned my husband to stay away.

I blamed my disorder on our small living quarters. Two bedrooms just isn't enough for our family.

Then, one day while browsing Pinterest for sewing inspiration I can across a fabric organizer pin. It was genius. A glorious sight.

I read the tutorial and decided I needed to do this with my fabrics. I'm just getting started and have lots to go but this is already looking better than my heap of fabric stuffed in a picnic basket. I donated books from my bookshelf and created space for this!

But why stop there? If I'm organizing my fabric I might as well organize my ribbon, and my tulle, and why not my whole living room while I'm at it?

I was hungry for more suggestions for organization. I found pins for decorative mail holders you can hang in your kitchen, and keep your mail organized but hidden.

Via

I created a board I decided to call "Order in the court!" because order is what my house needs, and my house is... like a court? ... I don't know. But it seemed cool at the time.

Anyway, it's my new favorite board in progress. I'm constantly looking for ways to organize my daughter's toys, old clothes, books, tutus, bows. Plus my crafts, kitchen items, clothes, EVERYTHING! Here's what I did for my patters... This idea I didn't even find on Pinterest, I should pin it actually!

 

I spent all day Monday sorting through toys and areas of our living room we haven't touched in dare I say it... A year? Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, but I will say that my fireplace mantle had random crap on it for longer than I can remember. I mean, I can't remember seeing it clean. But it's clean now!

I sorted through Lil' J's downstairs toys and donated a heap of them. Then I went to her upstairs toybox, which was full of only tutus, pettipants, pettiskirts and things like that. I took those out and put them in an old comforter bag I found when I was cleaning out the hall closet. I made a label for it "Dress up time!" and squished it under our bed. Now her toybox has a few toys in it but it's nice and neat! And all of the random tutus we had strung around the house have a neat place to call home.
Ah! It feels good to be getting organized. I never thought I'd enjoy it but Pinterest has seriously made it fun.

What does my husband think? Well at first he was like "uh huh, sure, I've heard this before..." as I told him about my goal to clean and get organized. I tried to give him a Pinterest tutorial and show him my organizational board but he was just like "Huh? is this like Twitter?" So I gave up and have just been showing him the ideas I stole as I accomplish them.

He's very impressed with my progress so far. He even complimented me on his favorite new addition... The basket I set aside for our TV remote controls, since we're constantly losing them.

"I used to think that mom stuff was kind of lame, but it's really cool" he told me. I wasn't sure what he meant by "mom stuff" so I asked him to clarify.

"Like the craft stuff. Like that mail holder thing you want to make, that's really cool." Ah, I get it. The organizational craft things. Not sure why he chose to classify that as a "mom thing" but I let it go. He's just excited to me married to a real life Martha Stewart, I would be too.

I'll document the little things I find and attempt throughout the year to hopefully keep me motivated and accountable. I also have some before/after pictures to show you but I'll wait until the "after" is where I want it to be. You can follow me on Pinterest to see what ideas and inspiration I have up my sleeve.

Has Pinterest changed you life too?  
PS: If you're not on it, let me know your email addy and I'll send you an invite to join!

Freecycle: This week's random act of kindness

So I'm trying to keep up with my random act of kindness goal that I made at the beginning of the year and so far I think I'm doing OK, but I want to do bigger things.

I mean I've been paying people compliments, sharing treats I normally would hoard, taking photos for friends, spotting people money when they're short... Things like that.

Well, I did something different this week when I experimented with Freecycle. Freecycle is an organization that connects people so they can get rid of stuff they no longer want, and find things they're looking for for free.

I have been getting local Freecycle emails daily for over a year now but I've never done a "transaction" if you will. But since I'm trying to organize things around my house I thought I'd give it a shot and see if anyone had a few things I was looking for:

Mason jars, and empty oatmeal cans (to make hair bow organizers for Lil' J's growing collection).

Well that same day I posted that request I got offers for both. A woman left a box of mason jars on her porch and I picked them up while I was out, and that night we grabbed a lady's oat meal cans that were about to hit the recycling bin.

My husband complained on the way to get the oatmeal cans because he was convinced it would have cost less to just buy oatmeal, and would have wasted less emissions. Whatever dude!

I wanted to pay it forward and give away something I had laying around forever... My dog collar supplies.

Photos by Katie Harris

Before having Lil' J I made my dog all sorts of collars and matching leashes. I was convinced I'd start a business and make tons of money selling themed collars and leashes. Well, that only lasted a hot second. Yea, I sold some sets but I quickly became sidetracked with a new hobby--blogging, and my dog collar webbing and hardware was collecting dust in a pretty little wicker basket that could now be used to hold supplies for my new hobby--sewing.

I was thinking I could donate some of the supplies to Goodwill but I worried no one would find use out of it and it would go to waste. Freecycle was a much better idea--I hoped.

I listed the dog collar supplies and wondered how many days it would take someone to notice it.

Not an hour later I received an email from a woman who works with animal rescue groups and she says they'd love the supplies. How totally awesome is that?!

I was elated that my dormant stash could be put to good use.

She said she'd come and pick it up the next day, so I spent the night organizing the crafts and even threw in some old bandannas I had that don't fit Snoop anymore, along with some cute doggy print and Longhorn ribbon and things.

I'll admit, I did keep a couple of leash snaps and a snippet of webbing so I can make Snoop another nice leash when I'm taking a break from making clothes.
The next day she came by and grabbed it and she seemed very grateful.

So, one (wo)man's seriously lack of commitment/hobby ADD became another person's dog's treasure.

My acts of kindness so far haven't exactly been "random" rather more thought out, but they're helping random people, so I think that counts... Right?

Have you ever tried Freecycle? You should, it rocks!

PS: Yes, my dog was a dog model. I guess all of my children will be models.

Ok, now I'm a dream board believer

I've always thought it was a good idea to write down my goals, and constantly remind myself what they were. Several years ago I heard of the concept of a dream board, and thought I should make one. Let me clarify that this doesn't replace prayer. It just helps to keep a visual on some of my goals.

My husband and I made it together but these days it's mostly a collage of my worldly wants like an iPad, new camera lenses, vacation spots, stuff like that. But in the beginning, also put things on there like a college diploma, paying off debt, and having babies.

Specifically, I have a photo of a twin stroller, half blue and half pink... The fraternal twins I hoped I'd have. Well, that hasn't happened yet, but that's ok.

I was cleaning up our room and I pulled out our dream board and noticed we have achieved a lot of our goals. But the thing that stood out the most to me was the picture of the little girl I stuck on the board. I looked at the photo, at my daughter, and back at the photo and I can totally see the resemblance they look like they could be sisters. Perhaps in another year or so they could look almost identical.

Who knew by sending images of the little girl I wanted some day she'd come out just the way I had pictured it?

By that same token, I guess my son, who was also glued on the board a few inches over, right above my sleep number bed, will look something like this: