The Stresses

I was watching Snoop Dogg's "Father Hood" show and was really impressed with their parenting. Ok, I know it's television, but have you seen that show lately?

The mom (Shante) said a really good quote that I want to remember: "Once you become a mother you never stop worrying." Wow! I think my mom could agree with that... What about some of you moms?

Lately my dog Snoop has been getting into fights and lately I am ALWAYS worrying about him. I'm going on a vacation in a few weeks and I'm worried about where he'll stay while we're gone. If I'm stressing out and worrying about my DOG this much I can't IMAGINE how I'll be with a child.

I can't imagine worrying about much more than I do now and still being a sane person. Seriously... I think I'm already developing an ulcer. If I add much more my worries will burn an acidic hole through my stomach.

I'm worried about my career, where I'll be living a year from now, heck... where I may be living two months from now. Will my '96 Corolla last another year?-Cause Lord knows I can't afford another car payment right now.

Today is one of those days where my baby fever has died away and I feel fine waiting another decade.

The Conflicted Messages

I haven't posted twice in a day for awhile but after reading a new blog friend's post about our religion I wanted to write my thoughts on one specific topic down as quickly as possible.

Ok... so I wasn't exactly the girl you'd expect would take the "LDS Marriage and Family" class but I was looking for an easy 'A' and thought 'what the heck?.' Yea, I was asking for it.

One of the lesson's was on "A Woman's Role." If you know me you'd be able to picture the expression on my face when I first heard this was the topic. If you don't know me just picture a me with an attitude saying somethin like "... Are you seriously about to start tellin' me about MY role?... I know you playin'... Stop playin'"

Normally I'm pretty much submissive and quiet in class until until someone says something stupid... Which is what occurred in this case.

So I was doing other homework during this class period and occasionally hearing things that I roll my eyes at, or chuckle about under my breath. But nothing really made me interested enough to make an argumentative comment. After all, the professor was reporting things church leaders have told us and I'm not about to argue with that. So we were closing the class period talking about women working... We all know everyone has different circumstances where a woman may have to, or choose to work. The professor said a woman shouldn't work just so they could have nicer things like cars, houses, etc... Ok, so I'm cool with him saying that, I mean... whateva... But tell me this one girl did not have the nerve to raise her hand and ask:

"So what should we tell a woman if she says she wants to work, because that's not what she should be doing. I mean, what's the best way to tell her she shouldn't be going that?"

I almost jumped up out my chair. But the Good Lord was holding me back. Good thing too cause I may have gotten kicked out of BYU! I mean... Who is she to tell someone what they should or shouldn't be doing? I'm not gonna lie, I was offended (and this was before the "don't be offended" talk s odon't give me crap for that either).

It made me even more upset when the professor and another girl responded after. I thought they were gonna have my back but no (course not)… They were saying something to the effect of "you should tell her to pray about it."

I'm sorry but unless you don't need to tell anyone what they should be praying about. ESPECIALLY when they didn't ask for your effin opinion. Man I tell ya, good thing the bell rang cause I was about to say somethin'. Oh but don't worry, you'd better believe that's the first thing I brought up Monday morning before we even start the next class discussion.

Basically I just told them some people need to learn to mind their own dang business. I was really doing that girl a favor. I didn't want that poor soul to go around thinkin' she can tell people what they should and shouldn't be doing and to pray about "their sins."

All I can say is she's lucky she's lucky she lives in Utah, cause if you try sayin' somethin' like that where I come from you may get hit... Mormon or not we don't play that down south!

Why act "holier than thou?" I'm sorry but you are not my guardian angel, you are not my prophet and you sure as hell aint my momma... And if you were still I wouldn't let you tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I am a grown 'A' woman.

That being said... Why is is that that is so prominent in LDS culture? Why do we feel the need to tell people how THEY should live their lives? I mean, it's one thing to offer a suggestion when asked (which since this blog, I personally ask for a lot) but it's a totally different thing to feel the need to tell someone what they're doing is wrong when they never asked your opinion!

Another conflict... in LDS culture many times we're told "Multiply and replenish the Earth" No questions asked, just "we're commanded to do it so do it!" Well, we're also (in instances like this story) told that women should be at home with the children.

I'd LOVE to be home with my kids, especially when their young. But I have no idea how that could be feasible in the situation I'm in right now. I'm the only one currently working full-time. I'm putting my husband through school and progressing in my career. I wouldn't say I'm "putting my career before children" but I am, in my opinion, being "smart" about it. Instead of quitting my job and only having breast milk to feed my kids while having an empty stomach myself so that I can be at home I'm waiting until we are financially able for me (or my husband) to be at home with our kids (although in the lesson previously stated we were told a woman is better at home than the man).

But then on the other hand we could have kids right now, and I could keep working, but then no one would be at home.

I have a feeling I'll be the woman who LIKES to work and would still need at least a part-time job to feel whole and complete, but I'll really cross that bridge when I get there.

The point of this post is the question "Which one do you choose?" For those who believe you should have kids right away... Is it better to just do it even if you have to put your kids in daycare? Or wait until you're in a situation that permits a parent to be at home?

The Biracial Children--My Worries

My children will be biracial. They'll have me-Their black mother and my husband-Their white father.

In this day and age I like to think that won't be as big of an issue as it was in years past but every now and then I wonder.

I grew up in the South. In my ward none of the young men asked me out. Older women told me it was because they were intimidated. "You're so beautiful," they'd tell me. But deep down I knew the real reason why.

At stake dances I usually did all of the asking. I never thought much of it since I was the one with the outgoing personality, but looking back something was... Off.

I remember one guy named Doug. One of my best friends dated him on and off for a few months. He wore a confederate flag ring on one of his fingers. He also frequently wore T-shirts with confederate flags printed on them... As if he wanted to scream to the world he was a racist.

He liked me... As in I was his girlfriend's best friend so he would put up with me, talk to me and occasionally dance with me probably just to make her happy. "Black people are 'this or that,'" he'd say. "But you're different."

What do you mean I'm different? I don't talk with an accent or wear saggy jeans? Hello, that's called a stereotype not a formula for an entire race.

I had a crush on one guy in my high school for years. We were very close friends. I set him up with numerous dates with my other friends and we could tell each other anything. He wanted a girlfriend, I wanted to be his girlfriend. But one day after school he told me why that wasn't possible. "Because you're black," he told me point blank.

This isn't meant to be an "Oooh poor me" post because as I grew up through the years I interacted with and dated all types of men. I found "the one" for me, and he happens to be white.

My husband and I share the exact same beliefs as far as racial issues apparent today. He doesn't pretend to understand what I've gone through but he knows it's out there. Neither of us can stand racism and we've learned to stand together as a team and defend our relationship when necessary. We share the same religious beliefs, cultural beliefs and most importantly... Music taste.

The LDS church does have a dirty history when it comes to Blacks. I don't understand all of it and I'm not going to go into all of it. All we know is that if we were able to get married in an LDS temple and receive those blessings than our relationship--Our marriage IS ok.

I think know some people in the LDS church teach that dating outside of your race is "not recommended." No lie, it's in the manual of the "LDS Marriage and Family Class." (I think we should all ban together to get that taken out but that's another story.) I know people who have been so upset about this they've doubted, even left the church. Obviously my husband and I didn't care about that lesson because we're married today. I however, do worry for my children. We won't teach our children that "recommendation". Not only would that be hypocritical, in my opinion that would be WRONG.

Besides, if that were how it were supposed to be who is an interracial child to date? Only interracial people?

I worry especially that my daughters will face the same challenges I faced growing up, but won't deal with it as I did. I was able to brush it off my shoulder while other Black women hold a grudge, or get very upset. I can't completely put myself in their boat because I did meet my husband while attending a "Mormon college", and married him six months later. I didn't know it then, but I was an EXTREME minority.

I worry my sons will have a hard time finding women to date because their parents don't want their daughter child "dating a black boy."

I hope as my children grow up they meet other children who are taught to have friends of all races, and date people of all nationalities. Besides, religion, career, personality... Those are all things you can choose. You're born your race.

I don't want my children to grow up wishing they looked "more like daddy" or like their white friends. I want them to be proud of who they are, and proud to be brown. Most of all, I hope others around us are accepting and open minded enough to see people for more than just the color of their skin.

I know a lot of people who have adopted children out of their race... Adopted black children. (I can make that a whole new topic) but I'm curious to know your opinions on the matter, regardless of your child's skin color. Would you care if your child dated outside of your race? Your religion?

My beliefs on Blacks in the LDS Scriptures.

The Things I'm Going to Miss Part 4

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will miss this precious thing more than anything else on my list. More than my slim figure, more than having late nights out with friends and oh yes, even more than sporadic sex. This cherished item I speak of gives me life, it gives me joy, it gives me an escape from this crazy yet sometimes unbelievably boring world I live in. It's a process no one... Especially not I, can live without, and I'm not sure I can cordially function with less of it. And if... No, when I'm forced to I fear those around me will suffer the wrath as I transform into a vicious beast. Oh yea, that's what happens when I don't get to sleep.

I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. I'm writing this now as I'm fighting to stay awake on one of my days off. I'm extremely mad that the sleep demon has taken over my body and it forcing me to be tired and take long naps all day. Naps are nice yes, but not on my days off. I like to go go go and sleep only gets in the way.

But that's my only complaint about sleep. Other than that I love it. And I mean it when I say: Please... Don't wake me up from my dearest dreams unless you have a bundle of chocolate covered strawberries in your arms. ...Can babies make those?

I was surprised how quickly I was able to jump out of bed and take care of my needy puppy when I first got him, but that instinct left just as quickly as I developed it and now when he whimpers at night I kick my husband out of bed.

Scared is an understatement of how I feel about having a child and loosing sleep. That and the fact that I hear it's more than just a loss of sleep it's like... No more naps? No more sleeping when I want? You mean, I have to do what the crying thing tells ME to? Well I brought the son of a gun into this world...

Do you know how often I sleep in until 9, 10... Heck, 1 if I want to?! I get to decide when I wake up and when I go to sleep and I LOVE it. To have that privilege sacrificed... Ugh. I'm getting all worked up just thinking about it.

A woman I work with just laughs at me when I tell her I'm tired. She just got back from maternity leave and frequently comes in expressing how few hours of sleep she got the night before. I get a migraine just thinking of being in that situation.

How do you get over it? I know you're going to tell me it comes natural but really, what if it doesn't? Do I really just have to say goodbye to sleeping whenever I want to? What if I invested in those nice Boss headphones? Could I pump enough milk so that hubby could wake up in the ridiculous hours of the night? Forget taking turns, I'd trade him a tubal ligation for waking up every night for the crying babies.

Maybe I'm really not cut out for this parenting thing.

(Maybe)

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Nightly Notion

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Another friend of mine told me she might be pregnant. I'll be crossing some more names off my list very soon... Jerks!

The Working Mom

My mom was a working mom, so was my husband's mom. That's just normal to us. Most likely this will be me. I think there are ups and downs with the duty of motherhood tied in with another full-time job. Like I said here, I'm hoping my husband can help with some of the homemaking, kid raising duties (at least at first), but we'll see what happens.

My mom was a working mom, not because she wanted to be, but because she had to be. She found cheap childcare until I was old enough to watch my siblings after school and during the summer time and we were at home alone. For a little while my mom worked an overnight shift, so she would be home most of the day while we were, but a lot of the time she'd be sleeping so my sister and I entertained ourselves.

I know being a working mom was challenging for her not only because she hated being away from us, but because we were hard work! Luckily, (although we weren't perfect kids by any means), my sister who is four years younger than I, and myself were pretty good at keeping to ourselves.

Our sister Lauren was next, she is 11 years younger than I. Then my brother, Michael was adopted and closed the age gap between the youngest two.

Being the oldest, I did a lot of help around the house. I changed countless diapers and really learned how to take care of us all. When my parents weren't home (which was a lot) I was in charge, and responsible for any damage that was done. A lot of times I was in charge of helping people with homework, and making a quick dinner. For a time, I was in charge of making sure my siblings got to their activities and practices, then got home and ready for bed.

Growing up with no parents staying home had it's up and down sides. The up side is I learned how to do practical things that still help me today. I learned responsibility, and I grew up REAL fast. On the down side, I wasn't use to many home cooked meals, to this day, I still have a hard time making a meal from a cook book--And I didn't get much help with homework. It broke my mother's heart when she couldn't make it to my talent shows or cheerleading games, but you know what... She still made it to most things. She came to my pageants, helped me get ready for prom. She was working but I remember her being there when it mattered most.

My mom was working then, and she's STILL doing it! The next child came 9 years after Lauren--My youngest sister is 3. I'm the oldest of five children, and my mother has pretty much been at work the whole time. Quite a bit of the time she was doing it by herself too. My dad was on the road as a truck driver and she had to work as well as take care of us. They separated about five years ago, and divorced a couple of years ago. Now my mother has a 14, 12, and 3 year old at home she's taking care of alone, AND working MORE than 40 hours a week to support them.

On a slight side note, I'm not writing this to dog on my dad. My dad has (especially recently) been there for me more than anyone in my family. We've had our rough patches in life but I know he's there for me. My mom though, does not have an easy job.

If I am a working mother I think I'll face different challenges. It'll be hard for me to feel like I'm missing things. I hate being left out, and the thought of missing the first smile, first laugh, first steps, makes my heart sink already.

I'd like that my sons and daughters would grow up seeing their mother as a professional career woman. Someone putting my degree and skills to good use. They could witness first hand that hard work can pay off with a successful career... But I don't want them to think I wasn't there when they needed me.

I think I put extra pressure on myself to be a career woman because of my background. Being a black, LDS woman makes me want to work five times as hard as an average person because I feel like I want to do things people said I couldn't do.

Growing up people would assume I got into BYU because I was black... No, I was accepted because I had a 3.7 GPA, I was class president, and graduated high school a year before the rest of my class. I hate it when people assume I am where I am because of the way I look. I am where I am because I've worked my 'A' off.

Giving up what I've worked my whole life for, career wise, would be a challenge for me. It's not something I'm unwilling to do, I just think... I've gotten this far so it would be hard to stop now.

Lucky for me I have a great, very supportive husband who already does most... Ok pretty much all of the housework (I'm actually writing this while he's doing a deep clean in the kitchen). Hopefully we'll be able to find a balance that works for our family. And I pray that I will never have to raise our future children alone.

Being a mom... PERIOD is difficult. I don't have to be a mom to know that. I don't know that from experience but I can tell from the passion of my readers, and by looking at my own mom. I don't think it matters what kind of mom you are SAHM, WAHM, WM, or just MOM... If I have the opportunity to be at home with my future children I hope I will see it as a blessing...It's a blessing my mother dreamed of but has yet to have. I think being a working mom must also be very difficult, especially if you don't have a husband at home taking care of the children, or just someone to help share the duties... But after witnessing what my mother does, for ME...being a working single mom would be the most difficult job in the world.

PS: To read more of what's turned into a "SAHM Series" click here. Tomorrow I'm writing about my dream job (today)... "The WAHM"

The WAHM

I don't know many personally, but I feel like for me, this would be my ideal "mom situation"--If I could find a way to still do what I do professionally, but be at home for my children.

I'm not saying it would be easy, (let's not go down that road again) I'm sure it isn't, and I'm guessing the road to get there is going to be difficult as well. Especially being that I only have one talent... Writing. Well, if talking people's ear off is a talent then I'd say that's a trait I have too. Oh and listening... I think I'm a good listener, (but I'll let my husband be the judge).

For the past 5 or so years I've always done something relating to journalism, or writing. I've written for newspapers, local magazines, reported for several TV and radio stations, I love what I do. I've never really liked one particular area of journalism over another, I like it all. With TV, most of the time it's fast paced and exciting, but a lot of times you don't get to shape your story as much as you can with print, or even radio. All of them have deadlines... Which I love, but some are more flexible... Or longer than others.

Sometimes I love being on TV, sometimes I absolutely hate it. I love with print I can say so much more, but I love the intimacy of seeing the people in a TV story and hearing that characters voice.

The biggest plus I see with print is the fact that you can do it from home. You can call a source on the phone and get the interview you need. It's a big advantage, especially for someone who would want to work from home. If I keep doing what I do now I'd basically have to choose between working while being a mom, or putting the broadcast career on hold.

I'm no where near ready to retire from my love of broadcast news, but I'm craving more writing opportunities and the chance to work at my own pace, my own length. I have no idea how I'll do it, but I would hope that one day I could write from home, do stories for papers or magazines, and make my own schedule. Man, how that would be nice. It's not something that happens overnight, it would take a long time to build up and do what I need to do to make as much from home as I do at work full time... Not to mention the benefits I get from working for a corporation. But it's something I hope I can work toward, especially so I don't feel like I'm missing family milestones and special moments. It's a special desire I hope I can one day achieve.

Are you trying to be at home one way or another, or are you at home already? How do you do it? And how did you get there?

PS: To read more about what's turned into a "Mother Situation Series" click here.

The Crunchy Me

I joined a network called "Mormon Mommy Blogs" a few months ago, not long after I started this blog. I was browsing different categories when I noticed one called "Crunchy moms." I had no idea what that meant but I just kept going on my way.

I fell in love with a blog by my Alaskan blog friend Mommy Bee, "Musings of Mommy Bee." After reading a lot of her posts I noticed a unique trend... She uses cloth diapers, makes cloth pads, co-sleeps with her kids. I thought it was some Alaskan thing or something but it all clicked when I saw her blog in the "crunchy mom" list and asked her what it meant.

This is the explanation she left me in a comment once:

"Are you familiar with the term 'granola mom' when referring to someone who follows a more natural/hippie lifestyle? Well, granola is crunchy... I think a lot of us disliked the moniker 'granola' because, truthfully, granola isn't that good for you (I know, shocking, huh?!), so we chose our own term I guess...
Anyway, I consider myself a crunchy mama because I birth without medication, militantly breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, cloth diaper, recycle, grow a garden, wear my hair long, almost never wear make-up, use standard medicine sparingly, don't spank, don't circumcise, do try to eat healthy/organic/traditional foods, and very possibly will homeschool at least some of my kids or some of the time.
There are a lot of versions of crunchy...but that's mine. I never take the status quo for granted, and do my own research on pretty much everything. "

I'm always so intrigued when I see a new post on her blog about "home/ unassisted birth" or "breastfeeding" or "immunizations" (or lack there of) stuff like that, cause it's all stuff I'm curious about and looking into now. So now I'm asking myself "Could I be crunchy?"

At first I thought "no way, that's not me," but now I'm thinking I want to learn more. I like the idea of crunchy because to me it seems empowering as a woman (especially when it comes to labor)... I also like the idea of saving money on some things. Mommy Bee left a comment on my blog the other day responding to another commenter saying babies are expensive. She brought up some good points I never even though about... Cloth diapers, homemade baby food, breastfeeding over formula, co-sleeping, less toys (heaven forbid!) or cribs of Craigslist.

I brought the topic up to my husband, told him some of the examples of being crunchy and he liked some of them. We're both not too keen on the idea of cloth diapers right now, but just for kicks I looked on Craigslist and found stuff like this for sale for dirt cheap! Nice stuff!

Ok, I'm not sure if buying stuff off Craigslist is considered a "crunchy" attribute, but the idea came from a crunchy mom so for now I'll say "yea." It seems like crunchyness can save some money, and I'm all about that!

Anyway, I'm also interested in things like co-sleep (although I'm afraid I'll roll over and kill my baby), breastfeeding, homemade baby food, growing a garden, figuring out what the heck stuff is organic and maybe trying to use that stuff.

I'm a big researcher myself, so I'm thinking the more I look into stuff the more I may develop some crunchy ways.

I actually like the idea of homebirth... However, not if I can't take an epidural. I know I don't like pain and that is one of the biggest things scaring me out of having a kid right now. I do like the idea of having a nice birth in a cozy bed or something... But what if something goes wrong? Oh jeez... I'm not sure how crunchy I'll really be when it comes down to it, but so far, I'm thinking some of it sounds pretty cool. Perhaps I'll be a chewy mom... Not quite crunchy, but not soggy, somewhere in the middle.

Any crunchy moms our there? Soggy moms? Chewy moms? What do you like and not like? Oh and everyone, look out for Mommy Bee, I'm sure she'll be leaving a nice informative comment! Or just check out her blog to see more of that I'm seeing.

Over the next little while I'm going to be tacking topics on crunchy, so we don't have to delve into all of them now, but if there's some others I'm leaving off the list as of now let me know.

The Pregnancy Pushers

I've had my somewhat against the grain attitude toward motherhood for years now. I'd say about two years into my marriage is when it really hit its peak. Since then I've calmed down and begun to somewhat understand WHY people want to have kids.

One summer... It was actually just for about a month, I worked at a credit union. Most of the women there talked daily about wanting to have kids. We were all married, and I seemed to be the only one who thought everyone else had lost their minds! 'We're young... Practically babies ourselves, why in the world do you want to have kids now?' I'd think... And sometimes say.

There was one guy I worked with too. His wife had just had a baby. I was excited for them, not as excited as I would be for a friend nowadays, but still excited. I would ask him a lot of questions about parenting and how he liked it an such. He would tell me how great it was and joke with me and tell me I should have a child too. Lawd, on no he didn't! I'd have to stop that talk right on the spot. I knew I wasn't about to jump on THAT bandwagon yet. Both of us being a little sarcastic and pushing each others buttons got a little on each other's nerves. But I'll never forget one thing he said to me that I thought was so crazy... so mean, and just sounded WRONG:

"I HOPE you get pregnant," he spat at me.
"Why would you say something like that?" was the only response I could muster. I didn't know if I should retaliate, be angry, or scared with the way he said it.
"It's a good thing," he said. "It's not a bad thing to wish that for you." Oh yea? Well why did you say it like you were trying to put some kind of Voodoo Witch Curse on me?

Jenna said it best:
"There's a glaring difference between offering helpful advice and smugly saying, "Oh, you just wait...bwahahahahaha!" That's just mean-spirited and makes people sound bitter about their lives."

I think a similar example could be taken in my approach to marriage. When a friend of mine is contemplating marriage, or dreaming of how great it will be, I may say it's not all fun and games but I'm not going to say "Actually marriage is really really hard, just you wait and see... Most people get divorced, hopefully you're not one of them."

Or if someone is thinking of getting a puppy, thinking it'll cure their baby fever as I did, (and a few months later I fell immune)... I'm not going to say "Dogs are hard, just you wait... Oh, and I hope he PEES ALL OVER YOU!"

Ummm... That doesn't make it sound like I love my dog.

Ok different, yes, but really... Warning calls, maybe not the best idea to make someone want to join the parenting club.

No offense to them or anything but I hope I don't sound like that when I have kids.

Also, I know it's natural to be curious on when someone's wanting to have kids, but not everyone is as open and honest as me. Everyone is different and some people just don't want everyone all up in their business... As my friend Tara says "Stay out of my uterus!"

...But not you guys, you are welcome in my uterus at anytime! Just be careful who and how you tell people to "watch out," or you may scare them out of wanting kids... Ever.

The News Story That Opened My Eyes

As many of you know I work as a reporter. Most days I like my job a lot, but days like today I LOVE my job, because I don't know how else I would meet such wonderful people and children.

I work as an anchor and education reporter in Austin. I came across a Craigslist ad begging for awareness for a school in Austin created specially for young children diagnosed with Autism. It's not far from closing down because of lack of funding.

I've been around people with Autism before but never to this degree... But it wasn't just the kids who grabbed my heart and held tight, but their mothers. Never have I seen such love for a child, never have I felt that close to how a mother must feel about her child. A story has never given me the opportunity to sit down a just talk to a woman about her pride and joy--Her child.

I've been told several times that once you hold your baby in your arms it's a miracle when you realize how much love you can hold for a single being.

Hearing the struggles from these women brought tears to my eyes and tugged at my heart strings like never before. I don't think I've ever cried on location of one of my stories before, but today I did. Today I wanted to reach out and hug every mother in the world--Every mother who has a child with disabilities--Every mother who worries about her child day and night--Every mother who cries daily wishing she could do more for her family--Every mother who loves her child.

Cheers to you mothers. I can't wait to join the club.

To watch the story I'm still boo-hooing over click here. (It takes a moment to start playing after the anchor speaks)

Things They Don't Tell You Pt2.

Thanks to The Oprah Show and you as well as a lot of my Twitter friends my list has grown so much I've made a second list of "The Things They Don't Tell You". These things aren't meant to scare me, or any other Future Mamas out there who are thinking of having kids, yet beware... They may. My commentary is in color.

Hemroids- Pregnancy can give them to ya. I wasn't exactly sure what they were but I googled it and ew.

You'll get use to feeling your boob on the side of your stomach... I'm not looking forward to loosing the perkiness :(

Little boys get woodies too-- Saw this one on Oprah... TMI if you ask me.

Lice is hard to get to go away.--I'm not sure I'll have to deal with this one cause I've never had lice and I hear black people don't get it. I hope that's the case for half-black kids too!

I'll hate my husband for knocking me up-- This one I also saw on Oprah, it's believable, but I REALLY hope we can make it an enjoyable experience for all of us.

I may not like my baby right away-- This is a sad one for me. But I guess it's good to know that may happen. But I love everyone elses baby so I can't imagine not liking my own!

A woman on Oprah said she felt like she had made a bad mistake-- Once again, possible, however I'm thinking I'll not let myself feel that way (I try to live life without regret).

Pump, or explode

You loose your choices- This is another complain from a mom on Oprah. I suppose if you go into motherhood expecting things to be easy and the same as before plus having a child on your hip you're going to have a rude awakening. I'm not afraid to make sacrifices and giving up "me time" when the time is right.

Some women say you "loose yourself"-- but I'm assuming that's a problem you run into if you don't already know yourself. I don't think it's "Loosing yourself" but gaining another part of yourself...But I'm not a mom so what do I know?

It's "Freaking’ hard work"- (no commentary needed)

Days where I would hate my kids-- If my kids are anything like some of the kids I see screaming and acting wild out at the store I guess I can believe this, however I don't like to use the work "hate."

You can be constantly constipated while pregnant?! --Waaah?

...And going with that : Milk of magnesia will help you poop (thanks for the tip)

The term "Letdown" is exactly what it says.

Labor stinks... LITERALLY... eew.

Your period is gone for your entire period but then you have it for like a MONTH after the baby is born... Boo!

You can have contractions weeks before you're really in labor... Good to know now so I don't freak out too bad if that happens to me!

And what freaked me out the most and came as the biggest surprise to me: In labor doctors have to cut that piece of skin between where the baby is coming out and your butt hole to keep it from tearing.... OUCH!

***

And I'm always excited to learn more, so let me know if I've left anything out! Anything you wish you had known before getting pregnant/ becoming a parent?

Showers of Love and Fear

My baby shower was Saturday and it was a blast! It was a nice mix of friends from work, church, and even online. My friend Raquel, who I originally met on Twitter came and I was so happy to finally meet her face to face!

I had a couple of sets of baby shower invites for work friends, then family and church friends. Here's one I had made by Storkie. It was fun creating it cause it started out totally different but I was able to select the girl's skin tone, hair color, the balloon color. It was a fun, and I have to give Storkie a big thanks for sponsoring the printing costs! Everyone loved them, they came in the mail SUPER fast, and the process was easy peasy! I recommend them for sure!

When it came to what to wear, I had a big dress dilemma. Remember how I was asking advice for choosing one? Well that dress didn't make it in time, I actually still don't have it. But that's what I get for trying to do it as a review instead of just buying it and getting it in three days. I ended up squeezing into one of my pre-pregnancy dresses, but because of the cut my tummy was able to fit under it just fine.

I got lost of the way to the party, and caught in the rain, but once I got there it was so fun to sit back and enjoy.

My husband was a trooper too. He didn't want to be showered but when I got home I put all of our gifts back in the bags and put the tissue paper over them, then I had him open them up all over again so I could see his reaction.

I have to admit, his reaction wasn't what I was expecting. He was more like "oh, cool" where as I was like "OMG THIS IS SO FREAKING CUTE!!" He asked me why I didn't just show him the stuff, but he was a trooper and played along with my demands request.

Later when I was putting our gifts away I had the strangest feeling come over me... Almost a panic about my daughter surviving. I'm not sure if it's because of all of the sad stories I've read or heard about or what triggered it, or what. I hate feeling like I'm being negative but I can't help it, it's hard to describe.

I wrote a post with a shower summary and explaining more of this feeling on my Parenting blog today, here's a part of it:

Friends threw me a baby shower last weekend, and it was amazing. Friends from different spectrums of my life came to shower me with love and advice. Since we live about a thousand miles from both sides of our family, I didn't have any kin there, but that didn't mean they weren't thinking about us.

Friends from work, friends from church, even a friend I'd made on Twitter celebrated my baby with me.

On the invitation to the party guests were asked to bring a book instead of a card with a cute poem:

"One small request that won't be too hard Please bring a book instead of a card Whether Cat in the Hat or Winnie the Pooh, you can sign the inside cover with a note from you. Baby will become very smart, if my advice you do heed, if we begin early, she'll soon love to read."

I guess my friends thought it was as cute as I did because Baby Girl now has SO many books as a start to her collection. Originally I had planned to put all of the books downstairs on our bookshelf but now I don't have the heart to take them from her room. I'm going to get some new wall bookshelves this week.We played the classic baby shower games: Deciphering melted chocolate from baby diapers, and guessing the size of my belly.One thing I really enjoyed was the advice cards women filled out for me. I smiled as I opened them all later and silently stored the tips one by one in my mind.But as I got home and started unpacking my gifts and organizing Baby Girl's room, the strangest, scariest thought came into my mind: What if she never gets to use these?

A sick feeling swelled in my stomach. I didn't want to think about it.

I've heard of women experiencing postpartum depression and having extreme fear of something bad happening to their child. I all of a sudden am questioning myself for taking gifts out of the box, or pulling the tags off of her clothing items, terrified something bad will happen to her before she ever gets to use it...

This was a part of a post I wrote for my Parenting Magazine Blog on Project Pregnancy. You can read the rest of it here.

I'm really enjoying blogging with them and I'm hoping they keep me on after Spawnie's born so I'd love it if you showed some comment love over there! Thank you!

Did You Pre-Wash Your Baby Clothes?

I've been debating this for a little while so I decided to write about it for my Parenting.com Project Pregnancy Blog and apparently it's a hot topic!

Here's an excerpt:

"Go ahead; call me a crazy lady, gross, or a bad mom. Everyone differs in opinions on every little parenting choice and I know pre-washing is just one of many things I’ll encounter.

It’s not that I’m all out against the process, or that I think people who do it are strange; I just never really thought anything of it. But I want you to understand my point of view... This is coming from a girl who wasn’t even pre-rinsing her fruit until a few years ago.

I was at my mother-in-law’s house and I had pulled a bag of grapes from the fridge and started munching. "Did you rinse those off honey?" She asked me. No... I thought.

I mean, I knew I was SUPPOSED to rinse them off but I just never thought much of it. I never got sick before, and they taste the same.
I mean really, am I suppose to run this bag of grapes under the running faucet for a few seconds and all of the oh so dangerous chemicals and pesticides would magically seep right out through every grape, drip down out of the bag, and disappear down the drain. I guess I just don’t get all of the hype.

I’ve never really considered washing my new clothes before I wear them. Do people do that? Ok, some do, I’ve heard. Other people can try on the clothes before me, or return them and who knows, there could be something like stranger sweat on it. My goodness. Or worse... The chemicals used to preserve the clothes and keep them looking nice on the rack.

I’m not trying to mock the situation here, I do understand for some people it’s comforting knowing your clothes are REALLY clean before wearing them, but I guess I kinda like the "brand new" look and smell of clothes before they lose their new clothes virginity in my washing machine.

When it comes to baby clothes, I guess the issue is some babies have allergic reactions or skin irritation from wearing new clothes. My theory is I won’t know until I try. If I put one of her adorable, still-creased Gerber onesies on her and she breaks out in a rash, ok, sure, I’ll wash the rest of them before the first wear. But if she does just fine, is it so bad for her to wear something brand new ONCE?"

That's not all... I go on, so you can read the rest of my pre-washing debate here. A penny for your thoughts!?

Oh, and a side note that I didn't write in the post but I notice in a lot of people tell me: They pre-wash the FIRST baby's clothes but then don't with the rest. What's up with that? ... And we wonder why kids suffer from "middle child syndrome."

Another someone mentioned a friend pre-washing EVERYTHING then her baby was a different sex than expected *dies*.

Giving My Daughter a Head Start I Missed

I organized more of the nursery yesterday, and fumbled around with a CD player that's attached to the crib. I got it as a gift at my baby shower. I'm excited to share the gift of music with my baby girl. I pretty much immediately began searching for good lullabys to buy and save to CD to play for her at night.

Eager to start a new tradition, I bought some church primary songs off iTunes. Primary songs are children's songs kids sing at my church during the third hour... Yes, third hour of church. After Sacrament meeting and Sunday School.

My family joined the LDS church and became active when I was about 11-years-old. I've always felt "behind" compared to everyone else my age. I didn't know the songs the kids would all sing in primary, and since you graduate at 12, I didn't have much time to learn them.

I've always been a very outgoing girl. My whole life, I've never been regarded as a "shy" one. But the one place you're likely to find me out of my element is church.

When I was younger I'd always avoid eye contact with the teacher who would surely call on me to say the prayer if I looked him in the eye. I was always too afraid to answer a question about the Bible... Afraid I'd give the wrong answer and people would laugh at me. No one ever laughed at anyone, but I feared I'd be the first.

The question could be as simple as: "Who built the giant ark to hold all of the animals before the flood?" Of course I knew it was Noah, but I was to scared to answer wrong anyway... Thinking maybe there was a second guy I somehow missed reading about.

I guess religion is one of those subjects that's so serious, and important, I felt bad that I didn't know all of the answers.

As I've gotten older, much of my spirituality has grown from life's experiences, prayer, and just going to church. I still haven't overcome my anxiety with public prayers, or answering a class question, but I've gotten better. One thing I know will help me is just learning the stories better.

I've read and heard scripture stories over and over but it's so easy for me to mix people and places up. I've learn to forgive myself for this too, and just realize the only way to get better is to keep reading.

I don't want my daughter to have the same worries I do. I want her to feel confidant in knowing her scripture stories, and sing her primary songs loud and proud. I hope she'll be eager to say a prayer before our family, or in front of her Sunday school class, and be unapologetic about it.

It's never too late to build upon your spirituality, and learn more about the Gospel. I feel like having a child kind of gives me a chance to re-learn everything myself, but have a study buddy in the process.

From primary songs, to scripture stories, it'll give me a chance to learn about the gospel starting at a level I never had a chance to experience. It's an opportunity I'm so blessed to have.

If you know of any good children's Bible or Book of Mormon books? I'm not even sure how many of my readers are Christian or LDS, but this would really help me narrow down my search! The more stories in them, the better!