The Anomaly

During The Talk I realized great things can be possible by taking unusual steps. I don't usually say this all over the Internet but.. I have a great husband! No really, he's super. It's kind of nice because while the economy is bad it's a good time to be in school. He's been staying at home, and working on finishing school... But in this process all of the housework gets done too!

I was telling some friends at work about how great it is. I haven't done the dishes in ages! He does the laundry. "HE DOES?!" One of my coworkers shrieked. Oh yea he does! But then I thought about it... He's always done the laundry and dishes. In fact, in our more than four years of marriage I'd guess I've done our laundry maybe five times. Yea, and the dishes even less than that. Every once in awhile I'll chip in and put my clothes he folds away. But he's good at that stuff. He's also really good at making dinner. I cook on my days off and he does a good job of planning meals and making them the other 5 days of the week. Needless to say, I'm a lucky woman.

But the more I thought about my luck, and thought about the possibility of being a stay at home mom the more I think "no way!" One, I'd probably go crazy. Two, I still probably wouldn't get anything done. And three, I'd probably go crazy.

As the wheels in my head turned around this subject I struck a chord when the phrase "stay at home DAD" entered into my mind.

We are not a normal couple, no way. So why stop at the weirdness we already posses? Why not take it a step further? I'd get to be both a career woman and a mom, and wouldn't have to worry about who's watching the kids. I know some would say "the mom should be at home," but really... I think you've gotta do what's best for your family. I'm not sure what's absolutely going to work for us yet, but I know if it's going to work for us any time soon, then this has got to be an option.

There have been so many times I've thought to myself "he would be better at this house stuff." Well, why not try it out!

Besides, we took a biology class once and our professor told us if a man's nipples are stimulated enough, he too can produce milk.

The Working Mom

My mom was a working mom, so was my husband's mom. That's just normal to us. Most likely this will be me. I think there are ups and downs with the duty of motherhood tied in with another full-time job. Like I said here, I'm hoping my husband can help with some of the homemaking, kid raising duties (at least at first), but we'll see what happens.

My mom was a working mom, not because she wanted to be, but because she had to be. She found cheap childcare until I was old enough to watch my siblings after school and during the summer time and we were at home alone. For a little while my mom worked an overnight shift, so she would be home most of the day while we were, but a lot of the time she'd be sleeping so my sister and I entertained ourselves.

I know being a working mom was challenging for her not only because she hated being away from us, but because we were hard work! Luckily, (although we weren't perfect kids by any means), my sister who is four years younger than I, and myself were pretty good at keeping to ourselves.

Our sister Lauren was next, she is 11 years younger than I. Then my brother, Michael was adopted and closed the age gap between the youngest two.

Being the oldest, I did a lot of help around the house. I changed countless diapers and really learned how to take care of us all. When my parents weren't home (which was a lot) I was in charge, and responsible for any damage that was done. A lot of times I was in charge of helping people with homework, and making a quick dinner. For a time, I was in charge of making sure my siblings got to their activities and practices, then got home and ready for bed.

Growing up with no parents staying home had it's up and down sides. The up side is I learned how to do practical things that still help me today. I learned responsibility, and I grew up REAL fast. On the down side, I wasn't use to many home cooked meals, to this day, I still have a hard time making a meal from a cook book--And I didn't get much help with homework. It broke my mother's heart when she couldn't make it to my talent shows or cheerleading games, but you know what... She still made it to most things. She came to my pageants, helped me get ready for prom. She was working but I remember her being there when it mattered most.

My mom was working then, and she's STILL doing it! The next child came 9 years after Lauren--My youngest sister is 3. I'm the oldest of five children, and my mother has pretty much been at work the whole time. Quite a bit of the time she was doing it by herself too. My dad was on the road as a truck driver and she had to work as well as take care of us. They separated about five years ago, and divorced a couple of years ago. Now my mother has a 14, 12, and 3 year old at home she's taking care of alone, AND working MORE than 40 hours a week to support them.

On a slight side note, I'm not writing this to dog on my dad. My dad has (especially recently) been there for me more than anyone in my family. We've had our rough patches in life but I know he's there for me. My mom though, does not have an easy job.

If I am a working mother I think I'll face different challenges. It'll be hard for me to feel like I'm missing things. I hate being left out, and the thought of missing the first smile, first laugh, first steps, makes my heart sink already.

I'd like that my sons and daughters would grow up seeing their mother as a professional career woman. Someone putting my degree and skills to good use. They could witness first hand that hard work can pay off with a successful career... But I don't want them to think I wasn't there when they needed me.

I think I put extra pressure on myself to be a career woman because of my background. Being a black, LDS woman makes me want to work five times as hard as an average person because I feel like I want to do things people said I couldn't do.

Growing up people would assume I got into BYU because I was black... No, I was accepted because I had a 3.7 GPA, I was class president, and graduated high school a year before the rest of my class. I hate it when people assume I am where I am because of the way I look. I am where I am because I've worked my 'A' off.

Giving up what I've worked my whole life for, career wise, would be a challenge for me. It's not something I'm unwilling to do, I just think... I've gotten this far so it would be hard to stop now.

Lucky for me I have a great, very supportive husband who already does most... Ok pretty much all of the housework (I'm actually writing this while he's doing a deep clean in the kitchen). Hopefully we'll be able to find a balance that works for our family. And I pray that I will never have to raise our future children alone.

Being a mom... PERIOD is difficult. I don't have to be a mom to know that. I don't know that from experience but I can tell from the passion of my readers, and by looking at my own mom. I don't think it matters what kind of mom you are SAHM, WAHM, WM, or just MOM... If I have the opportunity to be at home with my future children I hope I will see it as a blessing...It's a blessing my mother dreamed of but has yet to have. I think being a working mom must also be very difficult, especially if you don't have a husband at home taking care of the children, or just someone to help share the duties... But after witnessing what my mother does, for ME...being a working single mom would be the most difficult job in the world.

PS: To read more of what's turned into a "SAHM Series" click here. Tomorrow I'm writing about my dream job (today)... "The WAHM"

First Father's Day

I wanted to post about this last night but I decided to stay off my computer and give my baby's daddy 100% of my attention.

Yes, I waited until the last moment to pull a gift together. No, I wasn't able to make it to the store and buy the finger paints and frames to make a card with Lil' J for her daddy. It was going to be a hand print on one side, and a picture of her making the hand print on the other side of a double frame. An idea given to my by Mary.

I had to work from 4:30 (yes A.M.) until 2:30pm, but when I got home his gift was finally ready. I woke up an hour earlier (yes, around 3am) to get to work on it. I stole borrowed his phone for a few hours the day before and emailed myself a dozen photos and videos I had never seen that he had taken of Lil' J during his time as an at-home dad. I complied those, along with about a hundred hand selected photos from my thousands, to add to a video montage.

I don't only anchor the news, I also have been trained to shoot, write, and edit video. I planned to use my editing skills to mix all of the photos together and time it to music, but a friend at work saved me week of work by telling me about animoto (I totally recommend it by the way!), which essentially does the hard part for you. Since I had so much footage I edited two songs together: "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder and "Dance With My Father" by Luther Vandross, uploaded the pictures and video, and put them in order of when they were taken.

I got teary eyed looking at pictures of her being so small. If this doesn't make him want another, I don't know what will. I thought to myself as I put it together.

Most of the photos I chose weren't ones I took with my DSLR all gussied up in photoshop. A good majority were iPhone photos either he or I took. Photos from the hospital, first bath, first meal, silly pictures he took with her standing in front of a mirror, or videos of her laughing and saying "dada." I knew he'd love it.

Just before I went home from work I noticed the thieves had managed to spend $300 on my credit card minutes before I canceled it. I was livid all over again, and I took my anger out on him. But as I ranted on my way home I promised I'd put those emotions aside and celebrate his day. I thought seeing him watch the movie I made would cheer both of us up. That was an understatement.

I had watched it all the way through a few times, and imagined how he'd react when I showed it to him. We've been married six and a half years and I pretty much have his emotions down. I knew what parts would make him laugh, and when he'd give a really big grin. I worried a little that some of the pictured he'd sigh at and ask "why did you put that in there?" because he's not a big photo guy, and probably didn't know I snuck some of these pictures of him and our girl.

I thought at the end he'd give me a big smile and say "Thanks, that was really good" very sincerely, and lean over for big hug and kiss.

Lil' J was down for a nap when I got home. I asked if he was ready to have his first gift and he said he was, so I played it for him.

Instead of watching him, I watched it with him for my 50th time. He laughed when I thought he'd laugh and told me he hadn't seen a lot of these pictures. "She was so small" he said and "So that's why you took my phone!" He was loving it, and I was so happy! But about half way through, out of the corner of my eye I saw him rubbing his eyes. I stopped the movie for a moment so we could both get it together, and eventually we made it though.

"I took a lot of those pictures," he told me all choked up. I told him how much a fantastic dad he was, and seeing him now, and his reaction, made me realize this even more.

The gift was a hit! I knew he'd laugh but I didn't think in a million years it would bring that emotion out of him. He didn't cry on our wedding day, the day our daughter was born, or any other day that I've seen in our seven years of being together. But on his first father's day, memories of his first year with our little girl brought him to tears.

I would share the movie with you, but part of the gift was the fact that it was just for him, so no sharing on my blog. Sorry. I think you'd be bored with it anyway, it's kind of one of those "you had to be there" kind of things.

No idea how I'll ever top this year's gift but at least the first one was a success. And now he's not running away from the camera when I ask to snap a picture of them two. He posed for this one without as much as a grumble and asked me to email it to him asap. 

Not many dads get the experience my husband has had with our daughter. Not many babies get the one-on-one time with their dads every day that my daughter does every single day.

When I went back to work after maternity leave I was terrified to leave my daughter alone with him. Now, sometimes I trust him with her more than I trust myself. He is amazing. He teaches her new tricks, but is careful not to share them with me in a way that would make me sad for having missed it the first time, and she brightens up when he enters the room we're in. I'm sad the rest of our children won't get to experience what Lil' J did her first year of life, but so glad that she was. They've made memories that he'll never forget, and a unique bond that'll keep them close forever. I love my hubby. And Lil' J loves her Daddy.

My dress by Shabby Apple, via Ebay; Lil' J's dress via Monkey and Friends; Bow via BebeRose