The Quiz

According to an 8 question quiz I took on Parents.com I'm Probably Ready for parenthood, here's what it says:

Quiz Results: You're probably ready! You may not have ironed out every wrinkle, but you're well on your way to developing the priorities that define a great parent. Talk to your partner (my husband)and be sure to bring any anxieties you feel into the open. And remember: Some of the best moms and dads around were nervous going in.

Probably huh?... Does probably mean maybe? Cause maybe seems a little risky. But then maybe rhymes with baby and maybe that's code for "yes." Then again if I'm taking online 8-question quizes to find out how ready I am, "probably" probably means "probably not."

The Choice

Which would you choose?

Of course in a "perfect world" (stereotypical perfect world in my opinion) a woman would stay home, be a great mom, and wife, take care of the children, and the father would work, and provide for the family. Well that's not a reality for most families today. It's not. Apparently around 75% of families in the United States are dual-income families, or both parents work. that's very eye opening... Especially since I feel like most of the women reading my blog are stay at home moms.

Now I'm going to stir the pot a little, I'm beginning to go back to my old liberal thoughts a little when it comes to some "expectations" for family child-rearing practices (especially when it comes to LDS families).

This is a quote I often here when relating to "The Timing" of having children:

President Kimball said, “It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so” (Ensign, May 1979, p. 6). When married couples postpone childbearing until after they have satisfied their material goals, the mere passage of time assures that they seriously reduce their potential to participate in furthering our Heavenly Father’s plan for all of his spirit children. Faithful Latter-day Saints cannot afford to look upon children as an interference with what the world calls “self-fulfillment.” Our covenants with God and the ultimate purpose of life are tied up in those little ones who reach for our time, our love, and our sacrifices.

It's hard to admit this out loud, but reading stuff like this often pushes me in the opposite direction of the way they're trying to lead. It's not that I'm rebellious, it's that I can't help but feel that it's either 1. Out of context or 2. Not meant for everyone.

When I read “It is an act of extreme selfishness for a married couple to refuse to have children when they are able to do so” the key words to me are "able to do so"... Able to me means ready... In many ways.

Some would see this and think it means "Get to it! What are you waiting for?" But that can't possibly be the case in every scenario. That can't possibly mean, "if you don't have any money have faith and we'll give you welfare of all else fails." I don't know... Maybe it does, and maybe I'm an evil person for saying this but that just seems irresponsible to me.

This may sound like a previous post I had, but if you bear with me, I'm trying to be more specific.

When you compare this with other doctrine it seems even more challenging. In other scripture like The Family Proclamation it says things like "...Fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." I'm sure leaders of the LDS church know there's not a cookie cutter situation for every family (at least I hope so) and that these are GREAT guidelines, but I can't believe that this is really what it expected of everyone. Especially not if you put both quotes together. Sometimes (like in my case) one wouldn't be possible if the other is necessary.

I can't help but feel a little envious of women who are at home with their children while their husbands make all of the money. Hey... Most of America doesn't had that privilege. But I think it's a little much to expect that of everyone. What if the husband can't make enough to support a family but the wife can? Should you "wait" until he can? But then you're breaking "rule #1". Or should the dad stay at home while the wife works... But you break "rule #2"?

It seems that in some--No, a lot of cases you have to choose one or the other. An even bigger extreme: What if you're both unemployed? Have a kid anyway?

Am I alone here? Am I reading too much into this? I believe in faith and miracles but I also, agree with Cynthia when she says ultimately we live with our choices and I try not to "check my brain at the door."

I really do welcome all of your opinions so please, don't let my crazy rant scare you off, even if you're not with me on this.

The SAHM Pt. 3

Ok wow, never have I posted three post in one day nor have I gotten such a stir from one topic! Obviously I've struck a chord here. First off I want to say I appreciate ALL of your comments. Not one of them offends me... Ok just that one I mentioned in the last post, but the rest of them, I honestly appreciate. You either are on the same page as me, and pose the same questions I do, or you have opened my eyes to a different point of view that I never thought of.

I really hope I don't come across cocky or "know it all" I try to be upfront and say that I either have no idea what I'm talking about, or I'm guessing and just asking your advice and questions on what YOU think is hard about the job. I didn't realize it was such a touchy subject but I imagine it must be a battle many SAHMs face (defending their job against people who say their job ISN'T cushy like some of us may think).

I hope you realize that I am really excited to eat my words. If having a kid and spending 3 months at home full time with them will make me HAPPY to go back to work full-time then bring it on! Haha.

But I do want to highlight a few comments that REALLY sum up how I feel and what I've learned.

How I feel: Summed up my Mrs. Smith:

"Being at home is easier than having a full time job AND being a mother. Hello! It's two things. I am NOT saying being a SAHM is not hard, it is. But can't something be a little-bit harder?"

Comments that really made the light go off for me:
Mrs. Foote:

"But you know what IS hard? Teaching kids. It's emotionally draining and requires a ton of patience. This can really push people to the brink, especially the perfectionists. They don't want to see their own flesh and blood fail. Each child you add to your family brings their own challenges and strengths. The joy in motherhood comes from watching your children overcome their challenges and maximize their potential. The heartache comes when they cannot overcome their challenges."

And Mrs. Pearson:

"Why do you think more moms are on antidepressants than any other 'profession'? It isn't just post partum that takes it out of you. You deal with kids that drive you crazy everyday, and you love them more than anything, but they never say thank you, and they don't listen, and when they do listen, it is always when you are doing something you don't want them to ever do. It's emotionally, mentally, and physically draining."

Ok Jenna and Kayce, can I just say that THOSE explanations really hit home. I often feel under appreciated at my job, but the people I work with aren't my own flesh and blood (thank goodness!) So all in all I hope you realize I wasn't trying to say the job IS NOT hard, I was just honestly asking what was so hard about it... Not trying to downplay it (although I did add a little sarcastic humor which obviously offended some, sorry). I really just.. As an outsider looking in, wanted to know.

Now, reading these responses I have more of an idea of what makes being a stay at home mom one of the hardest jobs in the world.

The Look Back

It's a little late because I work Sundays and I just HAD to share my excitement about cooking, but better late than never right?

Sometimes I don't think I'm ready for parenthood because I still act like a child myself. A perfect weekend for me would consist of watching at least one Disney movie and maybe a cartoon show or two. I love playing board games, and eating snacks like Mac and Cheese.

I often get nostalgic about the days when my sister and I would play with our Barbie dolls, dress them up and cut their hair. We even teased our little brother once and pulled off all of the heads on his power ranger action figured and switched them with the other super hero heads. It was mean, but it was fun.

One summer we got creative and turned our sleeping bags into sleds and drove them down the staircase. Karaoke and dress-up were commonly on our to-do-list. We loved to play! But you know what?--I still do.

It's a lot easier to entertain myself with the Internet at my hands, but I miss the good 'ol days of laughing at childish movies, and watching them over and over a million times.

I got a taste of this a couple of weeks ago. I watched Tarzan than Cinderella, then when my husband got home I made him watch Tarzan with me again cause he had never seen it before.

Have I mentioned I love Disney? I think I have... Once or twice. But really, I DO! I bought an entire DVD collection of EVERY Disney Classic (cartoon) movie from Snow White to Ratatouille (I just need Bolt and Wall-E). I can't wait to have kids and be able to share all of those movies with them. They may not like them as much as I did, but I sure hope it's a tradition I can pass on to my kiddos!

I love being around little kids cause I feel like it gives me an excuse to BE a kid again--An excuse to take me back. I don't want to feel like an old fart already. Is this why people say children keep you young? I hope that means becoming a mom will take off a few years for me. If anything it'll give me someone to watch those things with since right now getting my husband to watch them with me is like pulling teeth. And now that it's Easter season I'm sad that I don't have a little girl to dress up in a pretty dress, or a cute little boy to put in a suit.--Even worse, I don't have someone to decorate eggs with... It's not dying them alone (or with an unenthusiastic husband).

Same story at Halloween and Christmas time. I'm really looking forward to being young again through my children.--At the same time thought I'm hoping I'm not one of those crazy moms that tries to force my kids to do things I didn't get to do. We'll see how it works out.

What are other fun traditions you have with your kiddos? And do your kids keep you young, or make you feel old?