The Talk Again

Alright, I didn't think I could go back to my scheduled topics without updating my real current problem at hand... Ok, problem may be a little harsh, it feels that way but to be PC I'll call it my dilemma.

You may have remembered "The Talk" from before... Well we have a lot of those lately. They basically all go the same way:
"Baby?"
"Not now"
"Why not?" (tears)
"Cause my school, job... blah blah blah"
(more tears)
"Ok well maybe sooner rather than later"
"When?"
"I dunno"
"In two months?"
"Sure" (under the condition that he gets so far in school and gets a part-time job, which in this economy isn't easy)

We actually had this exact conversation TWICE yesterday and when we got as far as:
"Baby?"
"No"
(TEARS)
He just started laughing at me and asked "Didn't we just have this conversation?"

And it's kind of the same cycle every month right now. I'm kind of just trying to keep my cool, and send our resumes for him in secret.

I did get so ticked that I applied to be an egg donor. 'If I'm not having my kids someone might as well' was my thinking process. And I'd get $7,000. I filled out all the forms but held the stamp after reading that in rare cases something will go wrong, my ovary will swell, nearly burst and possibly need to be removed. I was still in a state of belligerence, and completed the online portion of it anyway, but I decided to hold off on sending the mailed forms. The fact that my husband HATES the idea doesn't help any. It actually makes me want to do it more.

I know I'm not talking typing rationally, but it's ok... I know I'm just a little upset, and when this all blows over I'll come to my senses.

It's just that I can't help but feel like my invisible window of opportunity is closing. I have no way of knowing that it just feels that way. I hope I'm wrong, and that when we both feel right about it we'll actually BE able to produce spawn. Oh we'd better be... Cause Lawd knows if it takes a year or two I will not be a happy wife... No Siree, not after waiting five years.

Then again I kind of blame myself. Why in the world did I get an IUD? I did this on purpose. When I got it at 20 years old I thought 'I won't want to start trying until I'm at least 25' stick it in me! Who knew three years later I'd be plotting away to get it out. I can't help but feel like it would be SO much easier if I didn't have to plan a whole ordeal to get it out. It's a lot easier to stop taking a pack of pills.

Oh... Someone asked me how I got it since I didn't have any kids... I don't think it's a requirement, just a doctor preference, I've had my checked a bunch and it's still in there just fine :)

Anyway, I'm about to go to the dentist, one of my before baby makin' must do's. So while my husband is lollygagging around, and getting his shiz together to feel "ready" to make a baby, I'm one by one, crossing of things on my baby bucket list... And hopefully, sometime this year, we'll meet on the same page.