The Mind Games & Thoughts of My First Child

It's funny how the truth comes out when the tables have turned. After my post from a few days ago I've been thinking more and more about why I'm feeling this way and what I'm wanting to accomplish now, and trying to lay everything out on the table.

As I poured bits of my heart into my New Feelings post, I couldn't keep my feelings to myself/my blog. I told my husband I wanted to wait awhile before we try to have a baby and boy was I surprised at his reaction.

"Why?" he asked confused. And he asked a question I've been getting quite a bit this week since I posted the topic: "What about your blog?" I didn't realize I had so many real-life fans! Especially not my husband. But I told him like I've told everyone... This is about my journey; And a journey has a lot of twits and turns right?

I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog... If he does he's been pretty nice about not yelling at me for some of the things I've written. Anyway--I even told him about my drought.. My loss for topics because of the way I'm feeling about our future-first-kid right now and he gave me a couple of ideas. Can you believe it? Now not only is he trying to keep my blog alive he's giving me topics to write about! Oh, and it doesn't stop there... Since "the talk" he's been telling me about his dreams of us walking with a stroller, trips as a family, oh it's just not stopping. I'm not sure if it's reverse psychology (that wasn't my intention), the "cause I say so" mentality, or "now the truth comes out." Regardless, I'm not falling for it, nor am I amused it at the moment... (ok, maybe it's a little cute).

But speaking of our first child... A little while ago I wrote a letter to our first baby...I was thinking about him/her and wrote The first letter. And it was published today on My Brown Baby. You can read it here. I'd love to know what you think. I'm also entering this post into the Scribbit Write Away Contest for April. Wish me luck! I'll consider that my "real post" for today since this is a bunch of random randoms.

PS: Have you entered my newest Giveaway yet?

The Letter to Aunt Flow

Dear Aunt Flow,

I remember the first time you came to visit me. It was time time around middle school. I was wondering when you were coming, as many of my friends were talking about their special visits from the Aunts.

I was a little shocked when you finally showed up, and I found you didn't live up to all the hype. Please don't take offense... It's just that you've been known to cause me A LOT of pain.

As I got older, and eventually got married I eventually found ways to avoid you for awhile. I would take extra birth control week after week so I'd only have to see you every third month. Then I found I could take a big dose of a shot in the booty and avoid you for three whole months at a time... I don't think I saw you for nearly a year.

But I must have missed you deep down because yet again I changed my form of birth control and decided to deal with you in light doses every month, for about three years. It was towards the end of that time that I began to appreciate you. In fact, that's when I went of hormonal birth control all together and started to learn about you and what made you tick.

For the last three months I've studied you... The real you, and I pretty much know the day and time to expect you. I've appreciated that. Oh yes, there have been moments when you've caused me scares here and there, but overall, I think we have a good working relationship.

That's why I'm writing you now... To ask you to do me a favor. See, I've enjoyed your visit this month (as much as a girl can) but now... Don't be offended--but I want you to go away for a while. I know you're wondering how long, and I'm thinking about a year or so... Just long enough for me to produce and incubate a baby for nine months.

I hope you don't mind. It's not that I don't like you... Really, I appreciate the way you remind me I'm a woman month after month, but I really don't want to see you anymore... Not until I have a baby.

Perhaps you could go on a vacation, or plan ways to torment me when you get back, but please don't torment me in four weeks.

Thanks for your consideration. I hope to not see you next month!

Sincerely,

Future Mama

See my other letter to her here.

Spawnie, You're 14 Weeks!

Dear Spawnie,

You are 14 weeks and 5 days old now. I'm trying really hard to write these updates on each of your weekly pre-birth days but I've been kind of bad about doing it on the day. Hopefully next week I'll be better.

We're eating a lot more now baby. And I guess that's a good thing because it means you're growing. I've heard people use the excuse "I'm eating for two" before but someone else ruined the news for me before I even became pregnant with you... They told me that doesn't mean I get to eat an extra 2,000 calories... But more like 250. It's ok though, cause although some times it feels like it, I'm not sure if we could eat that much if we tried.

Speaking of eating, you're making me eat the craziest things lately. This week we went shopping at Target and all of a sudden you told me you wanted a hot dog. I tell ya what Spawnie, that was the best tasting thing EVER! I felt like we were in heaven eating that hot dog.

And you're not going to believe this, but you wanted another hot dog for Christmas dinner! Your daddy thought I was crazy but I told him it was what you wanted. So we drove to 7/11 and got a hot dog. It didn't taste as good as the other one though, and I'm going to be honest, I didn't feel that good after eating it. I hope you liked it though.

I'm excited every Friday when I get an update from BabyCenter on what you look like now, and how you're developing.

This week you can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck your thumb! Your kidneys are producing urine, and I'm sorry to say it, but you're now swimming in it... You will be until birth. You can grasp, too! I can't wait until you're grasping on to my fingers.

From your head to your bottom, you measures about 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and you weigh 1 1/2 ounces. That's what BabyCenter says at least. M iPhone Ap says you now weigh 2-3 oz and are the size of a navel orange!!

By the end of this week, your arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of your body! I'm really excited about that too since the next time I see you you'll look like a real little baby!

Your hands and feet are more flexible now too and I wish I could feel all of your little kicks and punches!

You're getting so much bigger now that my stomach is starting to stick out. No one at work really believes I've gained weight but when I wear certain clothes you can totally tell my tummy's getting bigger.

You have no idea how excited I am to feel you kicking in my tummy, to have your daddy feel it to, and of course I'm most excited to meet you! We both are!

Last night we watched a movie called The Business of Being Born. Your dad got grossed out quite a bit, but we talked a lot about how we'd like to bring you in the world. We're hoping to make it a personal experience with the three of us, but we're mostly hoping you'll get here safe and sound.

I love your daddy so much and every day I look at him I study his face and wonder what features you'll get from him. We love each other so much and we're so excited to welcome you to our little family! Oh, and Snoop is excited to meet you too. He can tell you're in my tummy. I know it cause he's always acting funny.

Sweet dreams little Spawnie, your mommy loves you!

***Question of the Day: How long was it before you felt your baby kicks from the insite then outside?***

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18 Weeks Pregnant: I Can't Believe It

Dear Spawnie,

You are more than 18 weeks along now. It's really crazy how big you're getting and how quickly this is all going along. We're almost HALF WAY there!! Can you believe it?! I can feel you every day now. I really love it, sometimes you kick harder and longer than other times... Like when I'm at work and reading the news. I'm not sure if you really hate my voice or really like it but you kick a lot when I'm doing that. I laugh to myself when I think about what you must be thinking.

I can't help but wonder if you're strong cause of the vitamins I'm taking. I've been taking them since before I was pregnant with you so I could get my body to stock up on the goods for you. Maybe that's why I can feel you so much already.

Monday your daddy and I find out if you're our son or our daughter. We're very excited to know... Especially me. I can't wait to go out and buy you a little sporty outfit, or a dress. I think I'll go straight to the store after we find out to celebrate.

I already feel a little bad for your siblings after you. I'm so excited and I love you so much already I just feel like you feel complete our family! I hear the first pregnancy is the most exciting. It's hard to imagine being this excited every time. Don't tell your future brother or sisters how excited I am about you ok? They may get jealous!

You are on my mind ALL of the time now! I think about what you're doing, how you're feeling, what I've been feeding you, what you'll look like, how big you're getting, if you'll get here ok... It never ends! I'm just SO EXCITED to meet you and hug you and kiss you, and I can't believe you're actually MINE! It's really crazy to think about it. I love your daddy a lot and it's so cool thinking about you being exactly one half of me and one half your daddy. I hope you get his good looks.

Spawnie, I'm getting huge! I guess that means you are too, but more on that in a moment.

We already have plans for the three of us! Next year, when you're over a year old we want to take you to a football game... BYU vs UT. It's gonna be AWESOME. And we'll get you all dressed up in BYU gear. You need to watch the game if you're going to play it (assuming you're a boy).

You're about 5 inches long now, and you're flexing your joints more, you're also forming this weird skin stuff around you this week to keep you from getting all wrinkly while you're floating around in there.

You're making mommy have to go to the bathroom a lot, and I've been very faint when standing for a long time... I've blacked out twice at work in the past few weeks... But that's another story. The doctors say we're ok, I just need to drink more water and sit down when I feel the symptoms coming on. (Photo from Baby Center)

You're also taking up a lot more space in my stomach now. Last night my stomach was hurting REALLY BAD and I wasn't sure if it was because I was having Braxton Hicks contractions or if you've just pushed my stomach way up to my chest and it was hurting from all of the moving. When I took a picture of my stomach this week I noticed my bump got more stretched out, and it looks like I'm carrying you higher now. According to the wives tales that means you're a girl! We shall see in just 5 days!

I love you Spawnie, keep on growing strong!

Love,

Mommy

***

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Question of the day: Did you feel like your stomach was squished up into your ribs? What did Braxton Hicks contractions feel like ot you and when did you get them?

Talking Princesses With My Princess

My Little LadyBug,

Your room is really starting to come along. I got your dresser this week for a great bargain (that's how your mommy rolls) and I ordered your fabulous bedding. It should be ready for you in just a few weeks and I can't wait to put it up in your room. I think that's the most exciting part for me out of everything in your room... Getting your princess bed all ready for you, and getting the style I like... No matter how outrageous others will think it is.

Speaking of princess, there are some classic princess movies I think we'll have to watch together as you grow up. The Princess and the Frog, The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and one of your dad's favorites... Princess Bride.

You'll find that your family is big on movie quotes, you'll fit in great if you catch on.

Last week we toured the hospital where you'll be born, we saw some newborns in the nursery and it was pretty crazy thinking we'll be meeting you there soon. I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time. I am just hoping everything goes smoothly with taking time off work, going into labor in an non-embarassing place (though I'm sure in the moment I won't really care where I am), getting to the hospital without you coming out in the car (a fear of mine with all of the traffic we have here) and of course getting you brought into this world safe and sound.

You're getting so much bigger. You now weigh about as much as a butternut squash and you're probably over 15 inches long from head to heel. Your muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and your head is growing bigger to make room for your developing brain.

I've been making sure I keep taking my vitamins cause you need more calcium now because you're bones are soaking up a lot. I don't like milk so I take a calcium supplement for you, and I try to eat yogurt and cheese throughout the day.

When we saw you on the ultrasound last week you were head down. My OB said you still have room to move around, but I think you're enjoying being head down. I saw your legs all stretched out like you were making yourself comfortable in there. That's my girl! Just be nice to my ribs ok? Sometimes I feel you stuck under them when I bend over and it gives me the weirdest feeling. You kick them sometimes too and that's not pleasant at all.

Guess what baby girl?! Our baby shower is this weekend! I ordered a dress online but I'm not sure it'll be here in time. I'm going to go to Ross today to look for another just incase. You can't ever have enough dresses anyway, especially in my condition. And you will know this first hand since you already have so many.

I can't wait to meet you baby girl! It's so hard to imagine what you're going to look like, every time I have dreams about you, you look different. I'm sure you'll look completely different when you come out too and that you're even more beautiful than I can imagine.

Keep growing baby girl!

Love you,

Mommy

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Aloha Little LadyBug We're 34 Weeks Pregnant!

My Dear Precious Little Ladybug,

Six weeks still seems like a long time until we meet, but when I was reading one of my update emails talking about "relaxing" as much as I can and saving up, eating up etc. for labor I realized you really are almost here.

I think my "mommy paranoia" is already starting to set in. I've heard some people experience extreme anxiety after they have babies, worried something bad is going to happen to them. I'm normally not that kind of person.. I mean, I'm not afraid if you get a little rash from a new dress. It's not cause I don't love you, it's because I don't think you'll have super sensitive skin and be allergic to new clothes. We'll see. But I AM already worried that if I'm not watching you when you're sleeping you may go to sleep an never wake up. I'm not morbid, just paranoid or something. I hope it goes away once you're born. But I have a feeling it may get a little worse before it gets better.

I had a dream two nights ago that something bad had happened to you and I woke up startled. Then I was waiting for you to move and felt a BIG JAM into my rib. Your foot. It hurt, but I smiled cause I knew you were ok.

People keep asking my if I'm ready to get you out. I am ready to meet you, I'm so excited for that. But I also feel like taking care of you now is easier than it's going to be, and I don't mind giving you all time time you need... Well, until June 30th, I REALLY want you to be a June baby. Oooh, I can call you June bug! I'll add that to your list of nicknames.

I've been thinking about our morning/night routine. I like to sing to you, as you've probably noticed, so I bought an album called "Twenty Five Beloved Primary Songs" and it has all of these songs I remember listening to when I was young. Primary is where you'll go when you're about four years old, it's at our church. You'll learn about Jesus and sing songs.

I didn't really get a chance to go to Primary but my uncle gave me a CD of some of the songs when I was young and I remembered some of them when I'd hear them at church.

I don't know all of the songs on the CD I made you but we'll learn them together. I'm going to put that CD in your player every night before bed and I'll read and sing to you. Sound like a deal?

Oh little girl, you are getting so big now! You should be about 4 3/4 pounds now, and around 18 inches long! I have a feeling you're longer though. I was a really long baby, and based on where I feel your head, and kicks, and the fact that I think you're hunched over, I think you're long too.

Your lungs and central nervous system are still developing and you're only three weeks to being term! If you were born now though you'd most likely be ok after a short stay in the NICU, but just keep cooking, we've still got lots to do before you get here!

You're developing fat layers now so you should be nice and round when you come out. That's the downside of long babies... I was so long there was nothing round about me... You daddy on the other hand, he was round for quite some time. Yes, he was very chubby. ... And had red hair, but we won't get into that. I'm hoping you have dark hair like your mommy! And lots of it!

Your daddy and I were talking about doing some practice runs to the hospital in the next couple of weeks. Just to make sure we know the routes to get where we're going, where to park and what not. We also talked more about your birth. We both have learned SO MUCH lately but we've decided not to go into it with our fists up ready to fight. We know you'll come into this world the way you're suppose to, and as long as you and I are ok, we are going to be so happy. We're not aiming for what some see as a "perfect experience" because to us, the perfect experience will be meeting you, and really, it doesn't matter the means. Besides, after comes the fun part!

We are so excited to meet you baby girl! Keep growing for us!

Love,

Mommy

****

To find out more about being 34 weeks pregnant visit Pregnancy Corner. - Words from a sponsor.

Welcome to Aloha Friday! For any of you who do not know what Aloha Friday is...In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that people take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So, we take it easy on Friday blog posts by sticking to just one quick question that surfers-by can answer with just a quick response themselves. (I'm an overachiever and do this on top of my normal post).

This week I want to know:

What nicknames do you have for your family members?

My answer: I'm still coming up with nicknanes for Spawnie (besides Spawnie) but so far I have Ladybug, Baby Girl, Little J and now June Bug (if she's actually born in June).

My husband doesn't really have nicknames. I just call him "babe" and sometimes "hubby" or "hubs" on my blog.

Your turn!

Dear Ladybug, I Made You Something

Dear Daughter,

I'm writing this on a big milestone day... We are 35 weeks today and have 35 days to go! I was so excited when I counted and realized that and wanted to tell everyone how cool it was, then I realized that it's not just MY pregnancy and due date that happens to have that coincidence... But everyone who makes it to 35 weeks has the same milestone. So much for thinking we were unique! I can be a ditz sometimes.
I'm so excited to meet you in about a month but at the same time I'm like "woah! slow down!" I really don't mind being pregnant and sometimes I think about how fast it's going and wish I could just put it on "pause" for a little while so I can finish preparing for you.

There's still so much to do with work before I leave, and many things I'm trying to get organized and cleaned around the house. Nothing is as important as you are but I just know things may be a little chaotic for awhile when you first get here so I'd like to feel settled before if I can so I can devote all of my time and energy to you without stressing about other things... If that's even possible.

I know it's silly but I've been making a lot of things still. Crafting and putting things together for your room is my new favorite hobby. You daddy says if I spent this much time with the rest of the house our place would look really nice. That may be true but I'd much rather just have your area be the cute spot.

I never use to like decorating before but now I'm beginning to, maybe I'll get more into it now that I've gotten a taste.

This week I made you three things, and a fourth thing or you room.
I made this piggy bank for you. I painted your name on one side and painted ladybugs all around it. It sorta looks like a 5 year old made it but oh well, one day maybe you'll appreciate it. I'll start collecting change for you and teach you how to save with it when you're old enough.

I also made you a toybox. You don't have many toys yet but we'll work on that. Books can go in here too, you have LOTS of books already. Here's how the toybox started...
Not pretty. It had crayon marks on it and it was pretty yucky looking, but only $20 on Craigslist. So I cleaned it, added primer, and lots and lots of white paint and some gloss!It got to looking pretty but what REALLY made it come together is this vinyl I got from the Etsy shop Jazzy Graphics.They were so nice and sent me your name and extra butterflies when I told them I was making a toybox for you. I'm so excited with how it turned out and I think you'll love it! Your daddy really likes what I did with it. He's impressed with my skills.

I still need to make it safe so you don't squish your fingers. I'll add a hinge so it'll close slowly, then some padding in the corners to keep it from shutting too tight.

I also made these pillows for your room this week, they match your bedding and curtains.And I made these baskets to go up on the ledge in your room!
And finally... I made this paper chain.Some would say it's a little childish but I love making paper chains to count down to things I'm excited for. I had one for my wedding, for when your dad and I were going to be reunited when we spent a summer apart, and now for your arrival! I must say this is my prettiest one yet!

It's not like I need a reminder that you're coming, I think about that all of the time, but it's a fun way to count down the days.
You're about 5 and 1/4 pounds now, and about 18 inches, which is crazy to think you're like a full-sized baby! Your kidneys are fully developed, you're mostly just getting chubber and chubbier now, which is good. I want some chubby cheeks to kiss! It's weird looking at these baby drawings. I remember when it depicted you as a little worm-looking thing. The nickname "Spawnie" was much more appropriate then.

I feel like I can feel you from all sides at once at times! Other times I get paranoid when you're napping, but you nap a lot more now, and there's less room for you, so I'm not feeling as many hard kicks as I do just you squirming around. I'm trying to pay special attention since we're on the home stretch now and I want to get you here safely! Just two more weeks until you're full term and can come out any time!

We had a doctor's appointment this week though and oh how you were moving! Our doctor just sat and stared at you moving around your... She said knee, but I would have guessed foot or something.

Oh, you really like Beyonce. Especially that song "Single Ladies" I'm not sure what it is with babies and that song. I think you're going to be a little dancer!

I hope you're having fun in there. Keep cooking a little longer baby girl. Just 5 more weeks and we can play all you want!

Love,

Mommy

***

Check out Pregnancy Corner to learn more about being 35 weeks pregnant.

You've DROPPED! (I think)

Dear Lil Miss J,

Like how I have a new nickname for you every week? I like Lil J right now. Spawnie is beginning ot wear off... You seem less and less spawn-like the closer we get to D-day, which believe it or not is in FOUR WEEKS!! At the end of the week we'll be full term and you will be ready to come out at any time! I'd really prefer if you waited a little while longer though. I have some cleaners coming on the 14th and I'm thinking I'll get my hair and nails done on the 15th. Speaking of my nails, they are SO LONG! I need to get them cut so I don't scratch your pretty face. That gives you 10 days... I don't mind if you come after the 15th, you'll be good and big, and I'll be done with important work stuff by then too. Actually, I sort of like the 20s best, so sometime between the 20th and 29th would ROCK! Got that? Jot that on your Wombberry.

I had a dream you were born on the 19th, but it was the 19th today and I was worried about missing work that day... Crazy dream, I can tell you that won't happen in real life, don't you worry!
I know it's a little inconsiderate of me to try to tell you when to come out, I mean, you are in charge, don't you worry, but I just want you to know my preference. I like June better than July so you've gotta come before July! I know statistics show a lot of first-time moms go past their due dates but I don't think that'll be the case with you. I can feel it.. You'll be right around your due date, if not... I think early!

Lil J, this week I've been SO TIRED. I haven't had the energy I use to have! I come home and just want to plop down on the couch, take a nap, and when I finally get the strength I try to work on things for your room, or pack some more in the hospital bag, or work on our labor and just meeting playlists.

I haven't wanted to touch my computer or anything! I've just been to exhausted! I have SO MUCH on my mind that I'd love to write about but I am too tired to put it all down. What have I been thinking about? Well, here's a few topics on my mind lately:

My new quick thoughts on labor
My cure for cankles
Books I've picked out for you
My thoughts on breastfeeding you

One of these days, hopefully soon I'll get them all down while they're fresh in my mind to remember. I hear there's another burst of energy right at the end of my pregnancy and I can't wait for that! I've got some stuff I want to get done! Until then though I'll enjoy my rest, because I'm sure I'll be missing it once you're born.Another sign that means you're getting closer to coming is that I think you've dropped! I woke up this morning and your butt wasn't in my ribs as normal. In fact, all day you've felt lower, and I can tell with the way my belly now rests on my legs that you're lower! So exciting! To make sure I compared this weeks photo to last week's photo and sure enough, you're looking lower! ... And more pointy. A woman at work today guessed you'd be coming next week! ...But you can't come that soon ok?

Some women I know who had due dates close to mine have recently delivered their babies, so it's weird thinking how close we are!
You're still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. You now weigh almost 6 pounds and are probably more than 18 1/2 inches long. You're shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered your body as well as the stuff that covered and protected your skin during your nine-month amniotic bath. You're swallowing that stuff, and other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, that'll form the contents of your first bowel movement. Hopefully you won't have that until you get out!

Keep growing little girl, we are ALMOST there and our lives are about to change FOREVER. I can't wait!

Love,

Mommy

***

Time to take bets (not really) when do you think she'll show up? Early, late? On time? Vote in my poll (top left) and let me know what you chose!

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Ok, You Can Come Out Now!

Dear Lil' J,

We've made it! You won't be premature if you're born any time now so you are good to come whenever!! I still have projects I'm trying to finish at work and like I said before, the cleaners are coming on the 14th, so it would be nice if you could wait another week or so but really, I know it's up to you. I just wish I knew when you were coming so I could plan accordingly. But I guess this is just getting me prepared for you running the show for the rest of my LIFE!

I should be done with my work stories after this next week, I'm hoping I am at least, it'll be so nice to feel completely and totally ready and I think I will after that. Right now I worry if I went into labor I'd have to go to work and rush to get things done before going to the hospital. It's crazy I know. I'm obviously not that worried though or else I wouldn't be taking a vacation day today and writing to you right now. It'll all work out!

We are going to put your car seat in the car this weekend, and hopefully go get it checked somewhere before bringing you home in it to make sure we did it right. It can't be too hard right?

Oh my goodness, I downloaded a video ap on my iphone and FINALLY caught you moving in my belly on video! I'm glad I'll have that to save.

We went to the doctor this week and she measured my tummy and said "Wow, you have a big baby!" I couldn't help but smile cause at least that means you're healthy right?

She says you're very long, you don't have much room in there as your head is very far down, and your butt is all the way up in my ribs... Your legs are squished in there too. She predicts if you go to your due date you'll most likely be well over 8lbs and maybe as long as I was... 22 inches! I guess we'll see.

She also said you may get a bit of a conehead coming out which worries me a little. I know it's not permanent but I already sometimes have scary dreams about you coming out as an alien, so a conehead may remind me a little of that.

It's ok though, we have lots of cute beanies we can over it up with until it goes down if that's the case.

We also checked and we're already dilated 1cm. So just 9 more to go!! Woohoo. I'm trying to walk a lot, park further away, do yoga, jump around and stuff to help the process. I also bought some Evening Primrose Oil pills... who knows if they'll work. I didn't start taking them yet but I may in about a week and a half.

I have your going home outfit packed with a cute dress, sweater, hair bow, and mary jane socks to match but my friend Danielle sent me these ADORABLE shoes and hair bow from Curly Birdie. So now I either need to change your outfit so they match, or get another pair... Oooh they are SOOOO cute! I don't spend $20 on my own shoes Lil' J, cause I have big ugly feet, but I will for you! Your feet are little and cute!

I may get you these to match the cute outfit I already have packed for you! We'll see though, I have to ask your daddy, and he thinks you already have enough shoes. ... Don't ever let a man tell you you have enough shoes Ladybug.

We are so excited for you to get here. I can hardly contain myself! I would say keep growing but maybe I should be more specific... Keep growing hair, cute chubby cheeks, and chubby legs. Keep getting smarter and practicing your blinking, thumb sucking and all that other stuff that will help you when you get out. Oh, practice sleeping too, we'll both be needing some of that once you come out.

I love you baby girl, I can't wait to meet you!

Love,

Mommy

Ok, let's here your guesses, what did you vote in the poll, when do you think she'll make her debut? My guess/hope: June 23rd!

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For more information about being 37 weeks pregnant check out Pregnancy Corner.

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38 Weeks Pregnant and Getting Closer!

Dear Lil' J,

I must say this week has been one full of MAJOR mood swings for me. One day I'm so ready for you to come out and ready to take over my new "mommy role" then the next moment I'm totally freaking out wondering what I was thinking.

Don't you worry little girl, I've read these feelings are normal, and I'm going to be just fine when we meet, it's just scary thinking that the way I've experienced and seen life, my entire life will be completely different in a matter of weeks.You are getting so close to coming out too, I can tell. I have just been feeling different lately, it's hard to explain, it just feels like things are revving up for your big day. Also... This is a little icky (TMI ALERT!), but the mucus plug that blocks you from the outside world, so to speak, came out today! Yep, I was very surprised to see it. It wasn't what I expected... I pictured one big solid wad of mucus shaped like a cork plug that would go in an over-sized bottle of sparkling cider, but it was nothing like that. It was more like a lot of snot coming out.

(Note to self... Don't show you this letter until you're old enough to appreciate these labor-signs and emotional roller coasters.)

Anyway, I caught you on camera last week, FINALLY rolling around in there. You always stop when I get the camera out so I bought an app for my iPhone so I now have video capabilities! You weren't as rowdy as you can get but I got a little movement here. Don't mind the background noise, I was watching Forensic Files. Look towards my belly button and you can see your elbow or shoulder or something moving around.

This week you're about 6.8 lbs... I'm thinking you may be a little bigger, though I can't picture you being super big just cause it's hard imagining a full-sized baby in there!

Your eye color is either brown, or maybe grayish. I kind of hope they are gray-looking cause then they can change to one of many colors, and I think you would look so cute with your daddy's eyes. That's the first thing I noticed about him!

I'm predicting you'll decide to come out sometime next week, but I'm still hoping you stick around and come on the 23rd... The day your daddy and I met. Although it would also be pretty cool if you arrived on Father's Day. What a nice present for your dad that would be! I wouldn't even have to get him anything else! As long as you come in June (I like that month better than July) we'll be good. But I don't think that'll be a problem.
I wake up every morning wondering if I'm having contractions or if my water broke... Nope and nope. I'm sure I'll know when it's for real, but it's exciting wondering when it'll happen.

I got so much work done at work this week, I finished the 12 extra stories I was trying to get ahead on for maternity leave and now I feel like I'm more relaxed and ready.

Our bags are packed, your daddy and I will put your car seat in hopefully Monday, the same day the cleaners come over and the same day Snoop is getting cleaned up at the groomers. I'm also going to get a nice relaxing manicure and pedicure that day. I already got my hair done this week! So needless to say, I'm on my way to getting fully pampered for the big day!

Don't worry, I'm bringing cute stuff for you to wear too, hats and blankets and bows! I can't wait to dress you up.

Your daddy and I were talking tonight about how we feel about bringing you home. Neither of us are worried about you crying a lot or loosing sleep. I think we just expect it, and are excited for the challenge. Plus, we know it'll all be worth it.

I'm eager to meet you but not in too much of a rush. Something about knowing you'll be here in a few weeks regardless makes me content. We're almost there baby girl! I can't wait to see your beautiful face.

Love,


Mommy

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Antsy at 39 Weeks Pregnant

Dear Lil' J,

Today is the day I dreamed you would be born. I'm not sure why the date stuck out in my mind but about a month ago I dreamed you'd be born June 19th... Juneteenth actually. There's lots of parades and festivals going on today to celebrate the occasion of the ending of slavery which was officially marked June 19th 1865. Next year I hope to dress you up and bring you to the parade, I think you'll like it!

I'm so excited to do things with you. I know I'm probably going to be really tired a lot, and there will be days when we won't leave the house for one second, but I hope to take you out on walks with Snoop, and get some fresh air together from time to time. I don't want to force it or anything but I think the sooner we attempt to do things together the less scared I'll be as time goes on.

It's really hard for me not to wonder when you're coming. I'm trying to think of ways to take my mind off of constantly wondering... I'm thinking of exciting things to look forward to BESIDES you coming. Of coruse there's nothing as exciting so this is VERY hard.
I want to go to the temple one more time before you come. But it's an hour and a half away, and your dad is working so I'll have to go alone, or find a friend who can go with me. At least that would be smart... If I end up going into labor sometime that day it probably won't be best to be driving by myself. But I REALLY want to go. But I have a feeling if I DO go alone, you'll decide it's time to show up. If I don't, well of course you'll stay put.

I'd also like to see Toy Story 3. I would bring you once your out but I figure you can still hear it in my womb and we'll both probably enjoy it more this way. Don't worry, I'll buy it when it comes out on DVD so you can see it. Now I just have to convince your daddy to come with me!

The carpet cleaners are coming Wednesday, I guess that's a little something to look forward to.
Snoop's groomed and ready to meet you. I don't know what else to do! Oooh, maybe I'll make another piece of artwork for your room to hang over your door frame. I was going to use vinyl but maybe I'll just draw and paint something myself. I really want to make you a sign that says "Princess: Daughter of a Heavenly King." That'll take time, and be fun! We'll see. I also still need to find you a cute baby memory book. I looked at some at Babies are Us for like and hour yesterday but none of them seemed right to me. I don't know what I'm looking for.

I bought you a cute bathing suit yesterday. You don't have one yet but since we live around so much water, and may do a little splashing around this summer I decided to get you one. I think I may also get us a kiddie pool to go in the backyard. I can just picture it now. You me, and Snoop cooling off in the little plastic pool.
Earlier this week when we went to the doctor we found out I was 20% effaced and 1.5cm dilated. So we've made a little more progress. I have my last scheduled appointment next Tuesday, but we'll most likely have to set up another one in case you decide to come much longer after your projected due date.
You're pretty much done cooking now. Just adding extra fat and stuff. You're still moving a TON (I think you're trying to escape) and squishing my bladder. Thanks.

Well Lil' J. I hope you're having fun in there. I hope you'll like it more out here and decide to show your pretty face sometime between now and Friday.

Love,

Mommy

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40+ Weeks Pregnant

Lil' J,

Well well well little one. Still baking are we? I hope you're having fun in there but I also hope you realize you're playing in a studio apartment when you have a whole mansion that's yours out here. Don't worry, mommy will till be here to cuddle with you when you come out. I'm not going anywhere!

I will say I'm SO grateful we made it to 40 weeks. SO many babies are born early and for a little bit I really worried you would be one of them! But nope, we made it! We made it full term and... Well, and then some I guess. According to my calculations on when you were conceived you're a little older than we had guessed. But just a day older, so no big deal! Today you're 40 weeks and 4 days. Believe it or not the last four days actually went by quicker than I expected.

I did get a little sad this week when you weren't born on one of several days which I thought would be your birthday. I cried a lot and felt silly for crying. Especially since I know it's just a guesstament. I just really thought that by now we'd be here together and you'd be keeping me up at night. The positive side is your daddy and I have had more time to spend alone together before we become a family of 3 (actually 4 including Snoop).

I've gone through a lot of mood swings since I hit the 40 week mark... The day I thought you would be born. But I'm SO grateful for your daddy who's helped me through them all. He's really the best, you are going to love him so much!

(photo of my big 40+ week belly coming soon!)

I've been analyzing almost every symptom wondering if it means your coming... Diarrhea (gross I know but I hear it's a symptom) loosing my mucus plug, nausea, your slowing movements, every leak, cramp, and contraction I'm wondering if "THIS IS IT."

Last night I had a lot of contractions. I was actually having consistent contractions for about 22 hours. For a couple of hours they were just a few minutes apart lasting over a minute long. But I knew it wasn't time to go yet because they weren't very strong.

When I woke up this morning I still was having some contractions but they were more spaced out, and eventually they fizzled down to nothing. I was sad because I thought we were about to finally meet you. Your dad packed his bag and I went to bed hoping my water would break or something but nope. Not yet.

I've been thinking and praying about this a lot but I've decided Saturday is a good deadline to give you. We're going to talk it over with our doctor tomorrow but I'm pretty sure that's the day we'll schedule to be induced if you're not here yet. I'm a little sad that I may not get to experience the whole timing contractions and rushing to the hospital, but your daddy keeps reminding me that we'll be so happy once you're here, and not to get too caught up in the process. Because really, it's in Heavenly Father's and your little hands! Ours too, but we've just got to enjoy the ride, no matter how it takes us to you.
It's so exciting now to think that I'll be meeting you regardless in less than a week!! Just 5 days! You'll be over 41 weeks then, but for now, you're probably about 7 1/2 pounds and 20in long, though we're predicting you're a little bigger.

Tomorrow we'll check the fluid levels around you and make sure you're still doing ok in there so I can go another week. I'm so happy now, knowing it's not much longer until you're here!

Get here safely little one!

Love,

Mommy

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41+ Weeks Pregnant: BABY TIME!

Dear Spawnie, Lady Bug, Baby Girl, Lil' J:

There've been so many names I've called you through this journey but soon I'll get to see your little face and call you by your real name.

Everyone always talks about how amazing it is to see your baby for the first time. I guess it's one of those things you can't imagine until it happens. It's hard to picture what it will be like meeting you. Will I feel like I know you? What will I think of you? What will you think of me?

It's funny but I keep jokingly telling people "I hope she's cute," I know you will be but it's just so strange having no idea what you look like. I wish we had done those 4D ultrasounds, but I guess it'll be an even better surprise when we see you.
It's funny thinking I'm going to have you forever and I didn't really have a say in what you're going to be like. See, with Snoop I got to pick him out of the bunch. I picked a calm, cute puppy. With you, well... You chose us! I guess that says something. It probably means we're in for it!

If I had to guess what you'd be like I'd guess you'll come out with squinty eyes, like mine, though I would love it if they were big and round like your daddy's. I kinda hope they are grey because then you have a chance of them staying light-colored and maybe having blue eyes like him!

I think you'll have a nose like mine, and a chin like mine. It already looks like you do from the ultrasounds we saw.

I think you're going to have lots of dark curly hair. At least I hope you do! Your daddy and I both had lots of curly hair when we were born. His was read though. I don't think your hair will be red. That would be crazy!

I think you'll be pretty chubby since you've had so much extra time to bake. Your daddy was over 10 pounds at birth and I was well over 7 pounds and I was quite early. The doctor hasn't made any guesses but if I were to guess I'd say you're going to be about 8lbs 5oz. That's my guess but we'll see. I think you'll be long too... Maybe 22in.

I don't think you're going to cry a ton when you're born, though I kind of hope you do. I hope you like me when you see me. I hope you are a good eater. I really hope you wiggle as much as you do inside me now.

In fact, I'm sure you're ready to come out cause last night you were wiggling SO MUCH. I'm not sure how you have room to wiggle but I'm sure you were trying to bust out of this joint. I even caught you on video!

Last night your dad and I were so excited we could hardly go to sleep. I told him I felt like I was waiting for Christmas and he said "yea me too!" We're both so anxious and excited to meet you. We were actually kinda bored last night.. Something I'm sure we won't be feeling for a long time!!

Please come here safely little one! I can't believe the next letter I write to you you'll be OUT HERE! In the world!

I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with you little one. We're in for an adventure!

Love you so much little Spawnie!


Anxiously awaiting,


Mommy

It's Been a Fun Two Months

My Beautiful Daughter,

You're only two months old but already, I'm beginning to feel like you've been in my life forever. My favorite part of the day is when you're in a good mood and smiling. You talk baby talk a lot now too. You especially like to show me how much you can say when I'm on the phone. We've also heard you say "Dada" quite a few times, mostly when you've had enough fun in your swing.

You also know when I'm coming to get you now because you'll fuss a little, but stop once you see me and start smiling and kicking your feet. It's so cute. I can't believe how smart you are!

You've been on three big trips already, and seven flights! That's more than some adults have been on.

Grandma introduced you to Elmo and you love him. I'm not sure how much you can make out on the tv but you smile and giggle at whatever you van make out, and I guess his voice. You don't knnow this yet but I got you a Tickel Me Elmo for Christmas. I hope you'll like it!

One of your favorite things to do is to look at yourself. I record videos of you dancing and you just love seeing yourself move on the computer screen. You smile and laugh at yourself.

You're also starting to notice Snoop a little. But I think you may be allergic to his kisses because he licked your face and it turned all red on that side for an hour or so.

Just as I predicted when you were in my womb, you're very strong. You try to use your legs to stand up and you've been doing that for about a month! You try to climb up the stomach of whoever is holding you. And when we lay you on your back but slightly propped, you stick out your arms and try to sit up using your little tummy muscles. You get mad when you can't move far.

When we flip you over for tummy time you kick your legs around and push yourself up. You like playing on your tummy for awhile. I can't wait until you start grabbing toys and things too. It seems like you're just starting to notice them, but don't know how to grab it yet.

You also love bath time. You love feeling the water and you're sneaky sometimes and try to drink the water.

I think you're really going to like solid food. I'm excited to introduce it to you in a few months. You always look a my food when I eat and you slober a lot. I think you want to taste it.

When we went to the doctor you got your two month vaccines and it was so sad. I felt bad knowing something was about to hurt you, and having to sit there while you cried. You were so happy right before the nurse poked you. Watching you go from smiling to crying made me cry. But I nursed you right after and you were ok.

Before your shots we weighed and measured you and you were about 13.5lbs and 23.5in long. So you're 90th percentile for weight and 95th for height right now. It's so fun watching you grow but it's a little sad too. Sometimes I feel like I already want to get to work on getting you a brother or a sister, but then again I don't think we're quite ready for that yet.

I've had so much fun hanging out with you all day long during my maternity leave. We've had so much fun together. We traveled a lot the first couple of months but these last few weeks we've gotten to relax more and hang out around home.

We have a fun morning routine, you and I. When you start to wake up to eat around 7, so I bring you in bed with me and we go back to sleep until about 9. Then you want to eat again and you finally wake up for the day and are all smiley and happy.

I pump some milk for you and we sing songs and play patty cake. It's probably my favorite part of the day. Then we go downstairs and I let you play in your swing for a little bit while I make breakfast: Strawberry oatmeal and a cinnamon raisin bagel. Then I let you sit with me while I eat and we watch three or four episodes of Say Yes to the Dress on DVR.

I remind you that you don't need a $10,000 Pnina Tornai dress to be happy, and that you should wait a long long time to get married.

It's funny because I really started to get into the show during my labor with you. A Say Yes to the Dress marathon was on TV in the hospital so I watched that after my epidural and until it was time to push.

I've had so much fun spending my time off with you. It's been way more fun than I imagined and it's hard picturing not being with you all day. But I have to remember there's a season for everything and this time in your life it'll be daddy's turn to spend some time with you.

I suppose we'll get used to being apart for a little while. And you'll get to spend some quality time with Daddy for a while. Go easy on him. You and I have things figured out for us but it may take you guys a while to figure out what works for you two.

Being a mommy isn't boring or difficult like I used to worry it would be. It's really really fun.

Thanks for brightening up my world little one!

Love,

Mommy


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Still Happy and Chunky at Three Months

Dear Daughter,

You're three months old now. I can't believe it. I saw some other tiny babies this week at work and you're not seeming so small anymore. You're moving around more, and squirming a lot. You aren't crawling yet but I can tell you're wanting to get around. I'm going to keep holding you as long as I can because I know I'm going to miss that someday soon. Before I know it you'll be running around and I'll need to baby proof our fireplace, nesting tables, and everything else.

You are really developing quite the personality! You still laugh and talk a lot, but now I can tell when you recognize people or things. Especially your daddy. I guess it's good you've been able to spend a lot of one-on-one time with him because I can tell you two really love each other. When I hold you and he's near by and smiles at you you'll flail your arms around, kick and smile at him. You don't really do that for me much, but I know you still recognize me.

When I come home from work you don't smile and laugh until I feed you. Then you just stare at me and smile and it makes me so happy to be back home with you.

We took you out quite a bit together this month. Our first date out together as a family was to Red Robin, and you just sat on my lap and watched us eat. You still drool a lot when we're eating around you, and lately you've been hitting the food from my hands. I can't wait until you're four month birthday cause you'll get to try some yummy dried food cereal. I've already taste tested it for you and it's actually good!

Don't tell anyone but you've already tasted watermelon, yogurt, strawberries, oatmeal, celery, and ice cream. I don't give you spoonfuls or anything but when I'm eating this stuff I'll just put a dab on my finger and let you lick it off. I did hand you the celery and you kinda sucked on it. You seem to like it all. I can't wait to feed you for real, and see what you think of everything!

You still like to play dress-up, but you and I don't get to do it as much. Your daddy does most of the dressing when I have to work. He's done a pretty good job so far. One day he brought you up to my job in your PJs thought but he said he had just given you a bath. I love when you come to visit me during my lunch breaks.

You found and love your hands now. You like to suck on them, but then sometimes I think maybe you stick it too far in your mouth or something cause you cry when you get your whole hand in there.

I bought my first toy for you. I said I wasn't going to get you a bunch of toys but I already gave in and got you some car seat rattles that are black and white, so you like to stare at them. And some bath time alphabet letters. You've started to kick your rattles but I'm not sure if you mean to. I'm still waiting to see you reach for something. I've told daddy he needs to keep practicing shaking things in front of you. I'm not sure what I'm thinking though because one day I'll probably be kicking myself and wishing you would stop grabbing things.

We're in for an adventure this month. We're going to start using cloth diapers. I'm a little scared because I don't like doing anything with poop besides flushing or throwing it away, but I think we may end up liking these better. We'll see. I've been putting them on over your regular diapers to see how they'll look, but I haven't let you go to the bathroom in them yet.

It's been a hard couple of weeks being away from you at work but it's so nice seeing you when I get home, and it's really fun seeing you and your daddy interact.

You're such a good baby, and we love you do much! I love watching you grow.

Love you with all my heart,

Mommy

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4 Months and Growing Strong

Dear Baby,

Boy oh boy little girl, you have developed quite a personality! You know what you want when you want it. So much so that you've grown into two new little nicknames: Diva and Drama Queen. You are so happy and cheerful about 90 percent of time time, but the thing is you LOVE being around people and seeing what's going on. So when it's time for you to go to bed you don't want to. Especially if you know we're staying up. So you get overly tired and cry, until we turn off the lights and pretend we're going to bed too. Sometimes I just give in and go to bed early too.

We used to be able to walk around a store with you in your carrier and you'd fall asleep in a short while, now you stay awake no matter how long it takes, and don't fall asleep until we're in the car.

We've started mommy and me yoga and you love the classes. You are the loudest and most talkative in the class. I think you get that from me. You laugh and smile when you see the other babies, and I can tell you just love being around people.

You've started to grab things. It seems to have happened overnight. It seemed like one day I was telling your daddy we should shake rattles in front of you so you could reach for them, and the next day you were picking things off my plate, trying to put it in your mouth, tossing things off the couch near you, and everything else. You also found your feet and it's the CUTEST thing when you curl up and grab your toes. You haven't put them in your mouth yet--Not on your own at least. I put them in your mouth once to help you. It looked like that was what you wanted. But we haven't done that again since.

I also saw you sucking your thumb today which was so cute.

You don't hate your car seat as much as you used to. If I sing the ABCs to you, you stop crying. That works about 50 percent of the time. You seem to really like my singing, so we do that a lot.

You reached out and pet Snoop this week. I think he appreciated that. I think one day you two will be best friends.

You and your daddy have been enjoying your quality time together. He's doing a good job with you and I miss you two so much when I'm at work. I call home and can hear you laughing in the background and it makes me so sad that I'm missing those moments. Someday it won't be that way. It's nice now though because your daddy helps out SO MUCH. Of course all day while I'm at work, then he gets a break when I get home, then at night before bed be gives me a little break and tries to get you to go to sleep (that's what he's doing right now but you're being a bit stubborn).

Your pediatrician says we can start some solids now, and I was thinking if giving you some rice cereal or oatmeal for your four month birthday today but I didn't get around to it. I'm debating waiting until six months but I'm just so excited to see what you think! You also seem so ready to try. We'll see. Maybe we'll wait another month or so.

You still love mama's milk. Or just mama. Sometimes I'll get home and even though you JUST ATE, you'll want to nurse anyway. It's kind of funny to me but you're sporting those rolls really well so I don't mind. We're still doing well with breastfeeding. WAY better than I thought we'd do. Your Daddy just wishes he had boobs so he could calm you as easily as I can.

This month we started using cloth diapers. There was quiet an adjustment period. I don't think you liked them at first. But now you don't seem to know the difference. In fact, I'd hope you like them a little better since it's softer. You look awfully cute in them, that's for sure! I can't believe we all are actually using and enjoying them. I think we'll stick with it for awhile.

You were the most adorable baby on Halloween. I made part of your Ladybug costume then I found an adorable cowgirl costume I had to get too. I figured it would me more comfortable than the ladybug one on Halloween. So Saturday you were a ladybug and Sunday you were a cowgirl, and we went around the block with your friend dressed up as a cow!
You, your dad and I watched fireworks afterwards. Your first fireworks show! I think you liked it.

Now I can't wait for Christmas. I can't believe it's next month. I said time and time again I wouldn't be one of "those moms" who buys their kids toys they don't need but I'm already thinking about Christmas gifts for you. Of course they'll all be educational *wink*.

These last four months have been the most exciting four months of my life, and every day you're doing something new that just makes me so excited. I can't blink or I'll miss something!

You've been such a treat to have in my life and we're so blessed to have you! I can tell you are just going to be the funniest kid when you get older because you just have a ridiculous amount of personality already. But then again, I think I knew that from the moment I saw you and you lifted your little head up to look at me as if you were saying "So THERE you are!"

Thanks for being the best. Keep it up!

I love you!

Love,

Mommy

Happy half birthday baby!

Little Lady,

It's INSANE you've been alive half a year!! What the heck?

People say time flies once you have kids and I'm tellin' ya they ain't lying! I can't believe you're already six months old. I feel like just last week you were born. Now you babble all of the time. Mostly you yell, sing, scream out of excitement and say "dada" and "daddy."

You are a little busy bee. Always watching what we're doing and trying to get involved. You're on my lap as I write this to you right now just watching the words pop up on the screen. From time to time you'll try to mimic me and grab the keyboard but luckily, right now you seem to be content with just watching.

You've been good at sitting up for a few weeks now. You like to play on the floor with your toys. Last night I saw you lunge forward and scoot up on your knees and I thought you were going to start crawling. Good thing you didn't though because I was going to the bathroom and you would have crawled right off the bed. I'm not sure I'm ready for you to start moving yet. I know you are going to be getting into EVERYTHING!

You are beginning to get more independent but you are still preferably social. You'd much rather be in a conversation between your daddy and I than playing off on your own, but if we're not doing much you're happy playing with your toys.

Forever Bliss Photography

You, as I imagined you would, LOVE food. You've tried many different kinds of veggies and you love most of them. You don't like peas, but your daddy and I don't either so we understand. You do like sweet potato and squash.

We went to the doctor today and you are 18.6 pounds now and 27 inches long. 90th percentile for weight and height! Getting your shots were not nearly as bad this time. You only cried for a moment, then I nursed you and sang the alphabet song and you were fine. You LOVE that song. I can sing it any time you're crying and you'll stop and stare at me. Maybe it's because I sang it so much when you were in my belly and during diaper changes when you were small.

We've also started signing with you. Or I have. Your daddy seems to think it's silly. You know what it means when I sign "bath" and you get excited and kick your feet, just like you do when I say it.

I started a project I'm going to give to you when you're older. It's a book I hope to add something to daily this year. I hope I can keep up with it. So far so good!

It has been so fun watching you grow. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I miss you being small but I love the new things you're doing.

Thanks for rocking my world!

Love,

Mommy